Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)

Yeah, so, I'm a newly single, and freshly bitter 30-something. I think there's a law stating that I have to publish a post bashing "Single Awareness Day" (more commonly known as Valentine's Day. I can't even THINK those words without wanting to puke).

I was excited to spend today with my adorable nephew, but he and I are both sick. Me, with a cold, and him with a stomach bug and 104 fever. With the dreaded CPA exam in just a few days, I can't risk it...

So, it's just me and the itchy kitty today. And my CPA exam study guide. And some chocolates (well, not really, since I already ate them all). Since I really do have to get to studying, I'm going to have to keep it short. So, I thought I'd share some quick stories of some of my better Valentine's Day letdowns...

1. I Picked Up A Shift guy. So, it was my first V-day with a real, long-term boyfriend, and I was SO excited about it. I really wanted the night to be special. I had made this pretty damn clear in the weeks leading up to the big day, so I didn't think there was a chance in the world my boyfriend would let me down. Um, WRONG! Last minute, as I'm primping for what I hoped would be my most romantic date yet, I get the call that the idiot has picked up a shift at work. Not that he HAD to work, but that he VOLUNTEERED to work. What an asshole! We exchanged gifts in the parking lot of his stupid restaurant while he was on his break. Swoon.

2. Lingerie guy. I'd been going out with this guy for about a month. He was very nice, and successful, and treated me pretty well. But, there wasn't all that much chemistry (read none) between us. I thought maybe this time the guy wouldn't screw it up, like last time, so I was really excited about the big night. I still lived at home at this point, and my sister was home, too. LG came to pick me up for our big night out, only to inform me that he hadn't actually gotten around to making reservations. My sister's current boyfriend was there too, thank goodness, and helped idiot LG pull something together last minute. So, with my grocery store roses and a wrapped present, we were off to dinner (albeit very late, and very rushed at this point). Dinner was fine. Not exactly what either of us wanted, but it'd do. After dinner, I got to open my mystery present. Inside - a push-up bra and black negligee. I looked at LG in bewilderment. "Well, it's been a month or so, and I kind of thought..." He kind of thought wrong. I never wore the negligee...

3. Off to a Foreign Country guy. Well, I can't get too pissy about this one. He WAS going on a mission trip, after all. But still. V-Day spent packing him up and getting him to the airport. The tulips that he had delivered to his place didn't make it in time because the driver got lost, and I had to go hang out outside his house after his plane took off, waiting for the delivery guy to actually show up. Spent the evening alone. But at least with some pretty flowers.

4. The Dumpers. Yep, there's more than 1. I've been dumped in the week or two before V-Day something like 4 times. Cheap bastards. 'Nuf said.

5. The Ex. He was already building up to a huge letdown for V-Day ("I don't 'do' Valentine's Day"). So, I would've been disappointed today even if I wasn't alone.

There are others, but I'll stop there. Needless to say, V-Day isn't my favorite national holiday. To this date, whether single or not, I have never had a good Valentine's Day experience. It's kind of like New Year's. You go into it with expectations that it'll be a fantastic night, and it turns out to be a total drag. So, I've stopped expecting anything on this day. It's just another day, but one on which I can at least ingest tons of chocolate sans guilt, and overtly hate on men. Hmm... Maybe today has some redeeming qualities after all...

So, tell me Single Ladies (and not-single ladies, and guys) -- What's your worst/funniest V-Day story? And how are you coping with "Black Sunday"?

---

Musical Tribute to the Big Day (Gag me.):





And because I have to:

---

One Last Story:

If any guys are reading at this point,

One of my favorite V-Day stories that I didn't include above:

13 years old. Valentine's Day. White jeans, red and white striped shirt. For the first time ever I get that visitor that pops in on all girls about this time in their lives. Luckily, I hadn't left for school yet. I can still hear my mom shouting, as I clamored up the stairs, "Don't stomp! You'll just make it heavier!"

That V-Day will live in infamy...