Trash Talk - Tuesday (on Wednesday)

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Today's (well, yesterday's) topic... 

The Stupid Disguises on Y&R: A Photo Essay

For those of you who are new(ish) to Musical Musings, you may not know that I watch the Young & the Restless - and have religiously since birth.  It's hella stupid, I know, but boy do I love it!  NEVER miss an episode.  


The soap is dumb.  It's supposed to be.  It's unrealistic and crazy and silly and, if taken seriously or over-analyzed, it's insulting to a person of somewhat average intelligence.  This insult is arguably most evident in the writers' pathetic efforts to masquerade its characters when they're spying on one another, stealing trade secrets, or, most commonly, running from the law.  When they can't write in a complete plastic surgery makeover (see this issue of Trash Talk for more on the absurdity of that), they resort to the most clever of disguises! (No sarcasm there at all...)  


Some examples: 


1. This is Sharon: 

Sharon has been accused of murder.  She knocked out her guard in the ladies room and escaped from the courthouse after her conviction.  With the help of her luv-ah Adam, she's now a fugitive on the run.  But, with this foolproof plan, I'm sure NO ONE will ever find her!

Because everybody knows it only takes slutty clothes and hair a shade darker to evade capital murder charges! 

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2.  And, here's Skye: 





Incidentally, this is the woman Sharon has been accused of murdering.  But before she fell down a volcano to her untimely demise, she was already supposed to be dead.  Victor, Skye's (and Sharon's) father-in-law, helped Skye fake her own death and escape to Hawaii.  Since the Newmans are the equivalent of the Trumps in Soap-Land, I'm sure the news of a Newman wife's death would never make it all the way to the islands.  Just in case, though, Skye came up with this killer guise: 





With realistic Heidi braids like these, she's home free!!

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3. Jack is a mainstay of Y&R.  He's been on it since the beginning of time.  This is Jack on a typical day:




Jack flew to Hawaii (to find Skye).  Knowing that he'd be recognized by Victor's strategically-placed lackeys if he went as himself, he chose to portray a middle-aged surfer/drifter: 

Because, I guess if he gets some salt water in his hair and says "dude" enough, he's basically a whole different person... 

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4. Across town, and unrelated to the Sharon/Skye/Victor/Jack debacle, Jana, who normally looks like this: 

Is up to all kinds of no good.  She's decided to find her ex-hubby's niece - who she suspects has been sold to a black-market baby broker - in a pathetic attempt to win him back. (OMG - I am realizing how ridiculous this show really is, seeing the plot-lines in writing...)  So, she goes "undercover" (read, fake baby belly and a crappy accent) to meet the kiddie-dealer:

And then again to investigate a suspicious bank account number: 

I know I'm fooled!

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(Sorry the spacing is all messed up.  I really don't have the patience to fix the HTML right now.) 


5. Suspicious of Jana's wacky behavior, Chloe and Gloria: 


  


Decide to partake in a little breaking & entering to sift through Jana's belongings for clues.  

      













C'mon, what good lawbreaker's wardrobe doesn't include a stealthy cat-suit??  I mean, you just KNOW you're getting caught without one!

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6. Last, but CERTAINLY not least, is Adam: 





Adam is THE BEST at disguises!!  


This is Sabrina - Victor's late wife: 





Here is Adam - playing the dead Sabrina: 

Uncanny, isn't it?!?!?!  Convincing enough to drive Ashley (the blond in the first picture) to the mental institution, anyway! 

But, even better than his Sabrina get-up is Adam's affinity for baseball caps and sunglasses.  It seems that this convicted murderer, forger, fugitive, perjurer, and all-around stand-up guy need only don his favorite hat, a pair of sunglasses, or maybe some strategically-placed flowers to get away with - well - any of the aforementioned crimes: 

   


Adam - for your ingenuity and remarkable effectiveness, we salute you!!  And to the writers of Y&R?  Maybe you SHOULD quit your day jobs... 

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Trash Talk - Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

So, in the expanse of time between my last, dismal post and this moment (or, yesterday), when I rejoined the blogging race, I have become mildly (read frighteningly) addicted to all things FLDS.  For those of you who don’t know, that’s the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

NOTE: I am NOT talking about the mainstream LDS, which is a church composed of wonderful people and some of my dearest friends.  No, the FLDS is that crazy polygamist cult that got raided a few years ago.  Remember?   

Its prophet is currently in jail serving terms for rape, accomplice to rape, tax evasion, fraud, etc. It’s a real peach of a “church”.

(Warren Jeffs with a 12-year-old bride)

I’m not entirely sure what draws me to this alternate universe, but I am absolutely fascinated by all things polygamous.  Point in case, my obsession has manifested in: 

1.      Watching all five seasons of Big Love in the course of two months – going so far as to add HBO to my Direct TV package so I could watch the last season real-time (FANTASTIC show – highly recommend);

2.       

      Reading the following memoirs:

a.       Lost Boy

b.      Escape

c.       Triumph

d.      Cult Insanity

e.      Stolen Innocence

3.       DVR-ing “Banished: The Lost Boys of Polygamy” and “Inside Polygamy: Life in Bountiful”;

4.       And, of course, catching every episode ever of:

        And that brings us to this week's Trash Talk Topic: 

The Brown Family

(Disclaimer: The Browns are NOT part of the FLDS cult.  They call themselves Polygamous Mormons, or Fundamentalist Mormons.  They wear normal clothes, the kids go to public schools, they watch (and star on) TV, etc.  They are NOT a cult, and the following trash-talk is NOT bashing their religion or lifestyle, but rather their patriarch – and solely because he’s so cheesy, you can’t watch him without crackers.)

For the most part, I kinda dig the Brown Family.  The kids are endearing, the wives are pretty cool (except maybe Janelle – she’s a little odd and gruff), but my question for you, dear readers, is WHAT is the appeal of KODY BROWN?  How in the world has this man managed to snag not one, not two, but FOUR wives?? 

I mean, there’s the hair:

The CHEESEBALL smile (and, again, the hair):

The RIDICULOUSLY impractical Lexus 2-seater convertible when he has SIXTEEN children and his wives are driving Suburbans that break down on the side of the road, thus stranding said SIXTEEN children:

The age-inappropriate wardrobe symbolizing failed efforts at “cool” (check out the jeans):

The selfish decision to “go public” and subject his family of 21 to this:

Police Investigating Sister Wives Stars for Felony Bigamy

BY MIKE FLEEMAN

Update Tuesday September 28, 2010 08:00 AM EDTOriginally posted Monday September 27, 2010 10:00 PM EDT

And then, of course, there’s still the hair:

Now, I know I am both supporting and perpetuating this frighteningly bizarre phenomenon by religiously (no pun intended – har har) tuning in to TLC every Sunday night at 9:00 pm EST.  But, what can I say?  This show is a fascinating train-wreck from which I cannot avert my eyes.  Check it out this weekend, or try to find some episodes online somewhere.  And if you’re looking for enough satire, sarcasm, parody, and trash-talk out there to entertain you for days, try Google-ing Kody Brown.  Trust me, you won’t be sorry.

Trash Talk - Tuesday

(Yes, I know it's Thursday.  But to be fair, I started this entry on Tuesday.)

Why hello there, loyal readers!  Yes, I know I have not kept true to my word about updating all the time but, what can I say?  Life is crazy!!  I took the MPRE on Friday (which was much harder than I thought it would be, so I need extra fingers and toes crossed on my behalf), and I went to the beach this weekend with Deac, his cousin, and his cousin's wife.  Not my best beach weekend experience - in part because the Outer Banks No-See-Ems decided to use me as an all-you-can-eat buffet.  Inspired by Hyperbole and a Half, I decided to draw you guys a picture of my misery so that you might, perhaps, share in it with me (because misery certainly does love company!):

So now I'm back at home and at work, trying not to rip the flesh off of my body for the itching.  At least I got to move seats now so I'm not in a fishbowl anymore, and I can blog on my lunch break!  Hooray!  And now that I've gotten your skin empathetically crawling, I shall move on to today's true Trash Talk topic (say that three times fast!):

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OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Let me be clear here, though.  I LOOOOOVE The Closer.  Seriously LOVE it.  It's one of my most favoritest shows ever.  But it's the topic of Trash Talk this week because there IS something about it that bugs me.

Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson (the lovely and talented Kyra Sedgwick) is a homicide detective in LA who hails from the ATL.  To be specific, she's from Roswell, GA - a suburb of Atlanta.  Who else lived in Roswell?  Yep - that would be yours truly.  Brenda's ridiculously southern accent does prove to be a major part of her charm, but - hate to break it to you - people from Atlanta really don't talk like that.  I spent 23 of my 31 years (and the most formidable 23 at that) in ATL 'burbs, and I have been told that I have no discernible accent.  None.  Sure, every now and then I'll say something that gives my (proud) southern heritage away, but I definitely don't come off as a hick.  Neither do my parents or siblings.

Atlanta is a varietal cornucopia of cultures, and is one of the most diverse cities in the country.  There are a crap-ton of relos (relocated persons) in the city and suburbs, which has contributed to the obliteration of the stereotypical redneck accent that is rumored to permeate the metropolis.

Note - I am NOT speaking for the rest of the state of Georgia (which is FILLED with "My Name is Earl-esque characters); I am just talking about the City of Atlanta, and the Atlanta-Metro area (which has a radius of roughly 100 miles).  

Roswell is only about 15 minutes from downtown, and borders the swanky suburbs of Dunwoody and Buckhead - the height of class in the ATL.  No hicks in sight. I know that, if you go way out to the outskirts of Roswell, you may find a heavy accent or two, but it's not the norm these days.  Brenda isn't old enough to have developed that accent as a result of growing up in Roswell (especially if she lived in the area where she would've been zoned to Roswell High School - which she states in the season 3 finale that she was).  So, the show gets the stink-eye from me for perpetuating the myth that Atlantans are hicks (and implying that southerners are slow and stupid - which is ironic, considering Brenda is actually a frickin' genius and mastermind of criminal justice).  If they wanted to do that, they should've written her character so that she was from Macon, or Millegeville, or Snellville or something.

End rant.

Oh - if you're not a Closer fan, or have no idea what I'm talking about, watch the following clips.  They should give you an idea.  And, friends and followers from the ATL - let me know if you agree with my assessment.  (Sorry - for some reason, embedding is disabled on all "The Closer" clips on YouTube.  Lame!)

Crazy Bride Scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSxTzm-EScQ&feature=related

Lt. Provenza Mimics Brenda (VERY funny):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-F4Gwor1ao

(Sorry my posts kind of suck these days, by the way.  I'm trying to get back in the groove.  A month-long blogging hiatus has a way of stealing your muse and putting up quite the writer's block.  Don't give up on me yet, though.  I promise to tell you when it's hopeless and you can stop reading...)

Trash Talk Tuesday - On Wednesday

Just submitted the application from hell BAY-BEE!!!  It's GONE.  HOLLA!!!!

So, while we wait for the client to sign stuff, I thought I'd give you guys a well overdue Trash Talkin'!

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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This week's topic: 

Now, the caveat to this post - I haven't seen it yet.  (Hell, I haven't even seen the inside of my eyelids this week!)  But, apparently, it's a travesty.  Which I TOTALLY called, thank you very much! (See Item 4 here)

Sex and the City 2 (2010)

• T-Meter Critics
• Top Critics
• RT Community
• My Critics
• My Friends

17^%

TOMATOMETER

How does the Tomatometer work 

Reviews Counted:148

Fresh:25

Rotten:123

Average Rating:3.9/10

Consensus: Straining under a thin plot stretched to its limit by a bloated running time,Sex and the City 2 adds an unfortunate coda to the long-running HBO series.

I was pretty disappointed with the first movie, I have to say.  I LOVED the show (just like 97% of American women) but I thought the movie was a little...meh.  And, I hated what they did with Carrie's character.  And, I think Sarah Jessica did a shitty job acting.  

However, I remind you again - I have NOT seen the second movie. So, since I'm fairly uneducated on the whole matter, I am going to let Jezebel do my trash talkin' for me, and direct you to their HILARIOUS plot summary for simpletons: 

http://jezebel.com/5541641/sex-and-the-city-2-a-plot-analysis-for-mere-mortals/gallery/5

And also, to their unabashed bashing of the film's Movie Poster: http://jezebel.com/5528266/new-sex-and-the-city-2-poster-a-photoshop-oasis

Good times.  

Well, of course, we're actually NOT done.  Gotta go work some more.  Because, really, getting home at 5:30  in the morning and then being back at the office at 10:30 in the morning on THE SAME DAY isn't enough work for anyone, now is it?

Hasta kiddies!  Hopefully I'm really back this time...