Trash Talk Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...  Did you miss me??  Sorry if you're all in Kristen withdrawal.  Duty (aka work and the CPA exam) calls.

Today's topic: Me. 

Yep, I'm trash talking myself.  Well, not like you're thinking.  I'm trash talking the element of my psyche that makes me sabotage my efforts to succeed.

I took what should've been the last section of the beast today (CPA exam, in case you're new here).  No way I passed.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  I wasn't prepared.  There, I said it.  No blaming work.  No blaming the test, the weather, the neighbors, my stomach, my head, my cat.  Just me.  I didn't properly prepare.

Any normal person would say: "WOW - after all this time, I've finally passed the 3 hardest of the 4 parts of the worst exam in history.  And, I only have what's considered to be the easiest part leftt.  AND, I've even passed this very section before!  There's nothing that will stop me from finally getting this done!  Yay for studying!"  

But, if you've ever read this blog before, you know I am FAR from normal... 

Honestly, I think the problem might be that I don't know what I would do if I actually passed this thing, because that would mean I'm not a failure after all.  So I subconsciously do whatever it takes to screw up my chances of finally getting it done. I think this stupid mentality started in law school.  Law school encompassed the three most disheartening, frustrating, and often miserable years of my life.  I know how much I learned from the experience, and I appreciate what it must have done for my character.  But, I also know that trying SOOO hard to always be just mediocre really broke me down.  And, after a lifetime of school - two bachelor's degrees and a law degree - I am purely academically fried.  Anything resembling learning/testing causes my brain to shut down.  Concepts that should be easy for me to grasp are beyond me.  Not at work, mind you.  Just on tests.

Today, for example - I mixed up so many formulas in my head.  God only knows how off I was on all of those questions.  But, I have nobody to blame but me.  I didn't prepare enough.  I didn't study enough.  I didn't take it seriously.  I worked, watched TV, cleaned my house - anything but study.  I should've been studying every day for weeks.  Yesterday was a 13-hour work day, and I got about 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night.  So - leaving my cramming to the last minute was really stupid.  Clearly, I did not retain anything I looked at last night.

I walked out of there today confused, tired, angry, frustrated, sad - and incidentally very hungry.  But more than anything, I walked out of there disappointed in myself.  Perhaps as disappointed as I've ever been.

Alright - enough whining and negativity.  Every day is a new beginning, right?  And every failure is just an opportunity to learn.  So, I need to learn from this - for once and for all.  Not just say I'll do better next time.  No - next time I sit down at that archaic testing center computer and gear up to fly through 3 testlets of multiple choice questions, I WILL PASS DAMN IT!  No matter how many practice questions it takes.  No matter how many weekends with Deac I have to give up.  No matter how many episodes of gLee I have to miss. 

I'll get my official results in a month.  I'd say that maybe there will be a miracle and I will somehow pass, but I think I used up my quota of CPA Exam-related miracles (See Hey Ya).  So when I get my Matrix-O-Weaknesses in a few weeks, I can re-register and schedule the exam.  So, in 6 weeks, you will be reading the words of a Certified Public Accountant.  As God is my witness - I'll never go in unprepared again. 

End rant.

Kiss Off

Here's some stuff I've learned today:

1. I spoke too soon in my tribute to spring, as it ended up being 45 degrees and rainy today.  
2. Even Boss-Man Jr. can lose his "Get Out of Jail Free Because You're a Saint" card if he asks me to spend hours doing every project over again, and then decides he actually likes them better the original way, thus forcing me to spend hours changing them back.
3. The Facebook virus is still on the loose.  Oops. 
4. Deac isn't a fan of my incessant, pointless emails.  (I can't imagine why!!)  
5. I am a jerk for bitching about my salary.  (This epiphany occurred when I was pulling stats on low-income communities in my city.) 
6. Chargers are actually little plate thingies you put under dinner plates (like trivets).  
7. I won a set of 4 chargers from my friend Sam's blog. 
8. If I break my computer, I can get Windows 7 on it, instead of Windows Vista.  Hmm...
9. Zyrtec-D  makes me VERY. VERY. CRANKY. 

    10.  I am not above creating an entire, pointless post, just so I can share                            the above image. 

That is all. 

Blame It On The Rain

So, I know I'm trying to turn over a whole new HAPPY! and POSITIVE! and PUPPIES AND KITTENS! leaf, but it is REALLY hard to do that on a day like this. Today. Effing. Sucks. It's one of those days where the first thought that pops into your head upon opening your eyes (well, after thinking - "damn! didn't I JUST fall asleep?" Answer: yes, you did) is:

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been on the verge of tears/homicide since I hit my snooze button for the 27th time, and dragged my sorry butt out of bed. Maybe it's the nasty, nasty weather. This cold, miserable rain that's just adding treachery to our already iced-over roads is making me postal. Sheesh. What's with me today? Or, in the immortal words of Lucas from Empire Records...

"What's with Today, Today?"

Yesterday my rage was focused and subsequently taken out on an inanimate object (see previous post in which I berate my computer). Today, it's being fueled by the Earth's rotation around the sun. Yep, that's right. I'm letting TIME piss me off. Hours on a clock; a number on the calendar. Probably pretty stupid, if you ask me.

But, alas, enraged I am, and I need to let it out. So, without further ado...

Today - Here's 10 things I hate about you:

1. I hate that my garage-door opener chose this morning, of all mornings, to die. Forcing me to get out of the car in the pouring rain to manually close it.
2. I hate that I just drove around for an hour looking for a doctor's office, based on the erroneous instructions of five - YES, FIVE - separate staff members, only to find out that I'd missed the appointment. And to top that off, I wasn't even scheduled to see a real doctor in the first place! (For that matter, did you know that Nurse Practitioners are billed as specialists? WTH?? $40 co-pay my arse!)
3. I hate that I missed out on the opportunity to buy the last size-small Kennebunkport Dress on ModCloth because I was trying to find the aforementioned doctor, and therefore couldn't stop to call and add it to my order. (So what - I bought myself a precious peony print dress and some four-inch heels already today. What's your point? Retail therapy, baby!)
4. I hate that I've been working my butt off for what seems like an eternity, and feel like I haven't gotten anywhere on this project.
5. I hate that the two guys I have been emailing that I was actually excited about haven't emailed back, but Mr. Pushy McPusherson stalker guy did (OF COURSE). Yo! Stalker! Get the hint! Grr...
6. I hate that I also keep getting emails from the Melting Pot and various spas, reminding me of all of their romantic offerings for this Valentine's Day. NO Melting Pot, I do NOT want to "Surprise My Sweet" with your special "Romance Package"! So take your chocolate dipped strawberries and shove 'em!
7. I hate that I was up two pounds this morning because of my junk-food binge this weekend.
8. I hate that it's already 3:00, and I haven't even made a dent.
9. I hate that Phil whatever his name is saw his shadow, and we get six more weeks of miserable, wintry mix.
10. I hate that I couldn't just pull the covers over my head this morning and pretend this day had never happened...
    

Take that, February 2, 2010! And KISS MY A**!!!!

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Post-Script:

Today, I think it's time we made up. I mean, you ARE the day that brought me this adorable little number:

And, you are the day on which the Season Premiere of LOST will be aired. So, I don't see why we can't just all get along. I'm willing to try if you are. What do you say, Today?

Friends???

Ayo Technology

A PC-User's Lament:

I have about 5 more hours or so of work left today, but I thought I'd take a bloggin' break. Part of the reason my work-day will likely stretch well past the 12-hour mark lies with my STUPID COMPUTER. Something that should have taken a few hours, tops, has taken me about a week. It would appear that Excel simply cannot handle such grueling tasks as deleting text from a cell, or creating a 3-line drop-down list. Apparently, I am asking far too much from a program that is supposedly designed to produce massive, complex pivot tables and macros (I still don't fully understand what either of those are, by the way). It just can't process my seemingly unreasonable requests, and must react by "Not Responding", crashing, or otherwise crapping out and destroying my data. Wouldn't you know - the first day in ages that I'm highly motivated to get work done, and I have to actually BE PATIENT!?!? Oh Excel, why hast thou forsaken me?? Sigh...

While we're on the subject, I have some questions for my sucktabulous HP laptop, as well:

1. Mr. HP, why can you not shut down or go into sleep mode if there's anything plugged into you? Why must you restart over and over and over again if I happen to forget to unplug my Internet cable or, God-forbid, my mouse?
2. For that matter, why did you stop picking up the wireless signal at the office, thus forcing me to use said Internet cable in the first place?
3. And, why can't you boot up with anything plugged into you, either??
4. Further - are you and Microsoft Office in cahoots? Is that why, 99% of the time, at least one OfficeSuite program will "Stop Working" by 5:00 in the evening? Typically (and conveniently, I might add) just moments after missing that crucial Auto-Save, during which I might have salvaged hours of tireless effort?
5. And damn it, Mr. HP! Why can't you find documents that are stored on your hard-drive the first time I ask for them? Seriously - my QLICI checklist is there. I swear. I promise you could find it on the first try. That is, if you actually looked...
6. And finally...Your speakers suck.

End Rant.

Tim: I really hate my computer. If it had the capability, I would fight it...and probably lose.

Hey Julie - Fountains of Wayne (Scrubs Mix)