Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

Took 3 exams.  Got 3 sets of results:

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The Good:

Apparently, I am ethical enough to pass the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam (precursor to a law license).  Yay!  Sounds like it would be a piece of cake or a joke.  Not so much.  This was actually my second time taking it.  It’s quite tricky, and you really do have to prepare.  No working off the assumption that you instinctively know right from wrong.  I was pretty nervous about it, actually, so I’m glad I did okay.  It would be a rather large nuisance for me to have to take it again. 

Good news. 

Even better news?

I FINALLY PASSED THE MOTHER-EFFING CPA EXAM BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s right – you’re now reading the brilliant words of Kristen, CPA (well, once I complete the painstaking licensing process anyway…).  I am SO thrilled about this since, as you know, I have been taking this piece of crap exam for the majority of my existence.  And I gotta say (in case you weren’t aware), I was pretty damn sick of it. 

But now? 

NO MORE!!  ALL DONE!!!  WOO HOO!!!!!!!!

Not only will I no longer have to endure the misery of Regulation, Audit, Financial Reporting, and Business Environment, I’ll probably have twice the disposable income, since I won’t be forking over thousands of dollars a year in test fees.  That’s as good of news as the exam results themselves! 

So -  

In celebration: 

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The Bad:

Sadly, God generally doesn’t open windows without first closing doors.  My closed door?  The Bar Exam.  Gigantic Sigh.  Despite my respectable (albeit futile, last-ditch, and somewhat insane) effort at cramming 3 months of studying into 3 weeks, I was not able to pass this beast.  Sucks.  A lot.  I have gone back and forth on whether I will take it again in February, but I have decided that I will.  I am getting my actual scores in the next week or so, so hopefully I can see what I need to work on (and hopefully I wasn’t ridiculously far off…).  Then, I will do it all again come the end of February.  Hopefully, the March 2011 equivalent of this post will reveal a much brighter future for yours truly… 

In the meantime though -

In mourning:

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The Ugly:

The Bar wasn’t the only fatality this month.  Also out the window went my relationship.  After the beach trip from hell, Deac basically dropped off the face of the Earth.  Oh, he called, but he made no mention of seeing me for 3 weeks.  Since that’s the opposite of what a reasonable person would do if told the things I said to Deac, I decided to cut him loose.  Did it through an unnecessarily nice email (since I LOATHE talking about my feelings), and never heard from him again.  Hasta la vista, Deac!  And good riddance, I guess (as I am taking his lack of effort and response as a personal affront).  NOT having any relationship drama or distractions will definitely make preparing for (and passing, damn it!) the Bar much easier this next time…

Nonetheless - 

In memoriam: 

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Alright, that’s all for now!  Back to work for me.  After my mental quasi-strike, I am über behind.  Snap to, Kristen!  Chop, chop!  Gotta avoid getting fired, at the very least.

Oh yeah - hopefully I’ll have some Random Thoughts for you tomorrow.  It’s been a long time since my mental anarchy has graced you. They’re definitely flying around my head right now, too, just dying to get out…

Latuh!  

Life in a Nutshell

It's been a rough few weeks.  It's also been a very long time since I've told a story with songs.  (Check out my first AND last attempt: http://stolensentiments.blogspot.com/2010/02/somebody-to-love.html).  So, instead of boring you with the details, I'll do what I do best and steal someone else's words to tell you (in no particular order) what's happened lately with relationships, exam results, work, and life in general.  Enjoy!  (If you don't listen to anything else, PLEASE watch the Disgruntled Employee Song.  Priceless...)

I Want Candy

Alright, alright.  I know.  I'm well aware of my shortcomings - specifically my inability to follow through on ANYTHING.  The Happiness Project? (See: Back in Black) Yeah... It's no more.  At least for now.  I had the epiphany that it was going to be damn-near impossible to embark on a year-long journey to a euphoric state of happy bliss when I am TOTALLY. UNBELIEVABLY. BURNT. OUT.  I think I probably need to deal with that before I dive in to life improvement, don't you?

So, I'm now undertaking Dr. Frank Lipman's (check out Spent? End Exhaustion and Feel Great Again)  6-week program to recover from the diabolical disorder he coined "Spent".  And ladies and gents, I AM SPENT.  Boy-howdy am I spent...

The Six-Week "Revive" Program entails the following:

• Week One: Nourish 
• Week Two: Move
• Week Three: Adapt 
• Week Four: Release 
• Week Five: Balance
• Week Six: Sustain 

Doesn't sound too hard, right?  (Well - except for that whole "moving" thing.  We all know how good I am at actually exercising...)  I would be more than thrilled to focus on rebuilding my immune system, learning to go to bed at a reasonable hour, and even moving my lazy ass from time to time, if weren't for one thing: in Lipman's mind, "Nourish" is synonymous with GIVING UP SUGAR.  And don't just mean giving up the half a bag of marshmallows I've historically (and regularly) consumed in one sitting.  I mean giving up ALL sugar.  Lipman suggests cooking hot muselix sans sweet and using agave syrup in place of white sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar, cane sugar, or basically all sugar of any kind. 

I think that's a load of horse-doody.  NO WAY am I going to be able to give up sugar completely.  But, I've resolved to come pretty damn close...  

Thank God I'm at least allowed to have fruit.  But people, in case you wondered, fruit is NOT a cookie.  It is NOT a piece of fudgy cake.  Nor is it a candy bar, a brownie, a handful of Pretzel M&Ms, or my most recent obsession - a thick, creamy milkshake.  It's fruit.  Boring, lame, unsatisfying fruit.  Sigh.

Lipman says that the first three days of the sugar detox are the worst.  I have headaches, lack of concentration, and hunger pangs to look forward to.  Joy.  But the person I feel the worst for isn't actually myself - it's  Boss-Man Jr., who made a surprise visit to work on some clients with me and Boss-Man Sr.  He gets to witness the hysteria and pure evil that are apparently going to start spewing out of me in about T-minus-12 hours.  Poor, poor BMJ.  I've already preemptively apologized for anything I might do or say during his short visit to the Sunny South.  Let's hope I don't get fired... 

Well kids, off to make some appetite suppressant tea and watch Brenda Leigh - another woman who knows the pain of sugar withdrawal. God love her.

If I survive Day One, I'll regale you with my Trash Talkin' about Saved by the Bell's extraordinarily unrealistic and age-inappropriate relationships.  I know you can't wait.  

Hasta,  

SS 

Back In Black

Yep, that's right!  I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you guys missed me terribly, and please know how much I've missed you!  Some of you (well, some of those of you who might actually still follow my lonely little blog after my month-long hiatus, that is) may remember that I just undertook the miserable feat of sitting for the DREADED...

...wait for it...

Can't promise anyone that I passed (especially in light of my prior academic glory - see: Trash Talk Tuesday), but, I DID survive.  That's something, right?

 I have the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam this Friday, and then I'm done with this crap - hopefully forever. I will find out the results of the bar, the MPRE, and the last section of the CPA exam on roughly the same day (somewhere around August 28).  So, stay tuned - at least for the end of the month. It will either be an AMAZING day, or an incredibly shitty one...

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In the meantime, I'm starting a new project.  For the next 12 months I present to you an incredibly exciting (though unoriginal) self-improvement project - the Happiness Project (stolen from the book of the same name).  Much like the author of this charming memoir, Gretchen Rubin, I will focus on a different shortcoming or goal each month and strive to improve my life, and thereby increase my happiness, by making changes in that particular area.  A sneak preview - August, Month 1, will center on energy.  More details to come...

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Alright happy people, I am off to bed.  Back to work tomorrow after my 30-day unpaid leave of absence/Studying Extravaganza.  Ugh...

But, before I go, a salute to all the people and things that got me through one HELLUVAN exam: 

• The fine folks at MicroMash and Bar in a Flash.  Love those guys!
• Microsoft OneNote 
• My dear friend Senor P - for sneaking me those PMBR lectures.  They saved my butt!
• The nut jobs that dreamed up this gem: 

• Law & Order SVU and the Closer.  (Win the Emmy, Kyra!!) 
• My now ex-Roomie - the Intern. 
• Deac, especially for my delicious celebratory dinner last night. 
• AC/DC
• This song: 

• This cereal: 

• My wrist-brace, Bengay, and BioFreeze. 
• My laptop, which functioned ALL the way through the race that is the state essay portion. 
• My dear friend Professor E. 
• A lot of prayers from all around. 
• The spacious suite at my ghetto hotel at the test-site, and the delicious salad at the restaurant next door.
• The view of the horse park that made me want a pony. 
• Coffee and Adderall. 
• This cat: 

• My bed. 
• And last - but absolutely not least since I'd probably be dead or in a padded cell right now without them - everyone out there who believed in me.  You know who you are. 

All of my love and devotion to all of the above.  You truly are my Sunshine.  

LAY-TUH! 

Trash Talk Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...  Did you miss me??  Sorry if you're all in Kristen withdrawal.  Duty (aka work and the CPA exam) calls.

Today's topic: Me. 

Yep, I'm trash talking myself.  Well, not like you're thinking.  I'm trash talking the element of my psyche that makes me sabotage my efforts to succeed.

I took what should've been the last section of the beast today (CPA exam, in case you're new here).  No way I passed.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  I wasn't prepared.  There, I said it.  No blaming work.  No blaming the test, the weather, the neighbors, my stomach, my head, my cat.  Just me.  I didn't properly prepare.

Any normal person would say: "WOW - after all this time, I've finally passed the 3 hardest of the 4 parts of the worst exam in history.  And, I only have what's considered to be the easiest part leftt.  AND, I've even passed this very section before!  There's nothing that will stop me from finally getting this done!  Yay for studying!"  

But, if you've ever read this blog before, you know I am FAR from normal... 

Honestly, I think the problem might be that I don't know what I would do if I actually passed this thing, because that would mean I'm not a failure after all.  So I subconsciously do whatever it takes to screw up my chances of finally getting it done. I think this stupid mentality started in law school.  Law school encompassed the three most disheartening, frustrating, and often miserable years of my life.  I know how much I learned from the experience, and I appreciate what it must have done for my character.  But, I also know that trying SOOO hard to always be just mediocre really broke me down.  And, after a lifetime of school - two bachelor's degrees and a law degree - I am purely academically fried.  Anything resembling learning/testing causes my brain to shut down.  Concepts that should be easy for me to grasp are beyond me.  Not at work, mind you.  Just on tests.

Today, for example - I mixed up so many formulas in my head.  God only knows how off I was on all of those questions.  But, I have nobody to blame but me.  I didn't prepare enough.  I didn't study enough.  I didn't take it seriously.  I worked, watched TV, cleaned my house - anything but study.  I should've been studying every day for weeks.  Yesterday was a 13-hour work day, and I got about 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night.  So - leaving my cramming to the last minute was really stupid.  Clearly, I did not retain anything I looked at last night.

I walked out of there today confused, tired, angry, frustrated, sad - and incidentally very hungry.  But more than anything, I walked out of there disappointed in myself.  Perhaps as disappointed as I've ever been.

Alright - enough whining and negativity.  Every day is a new beginning, right?  And every failure is just an opportunity to learn.  So, I need to learn from this - for once and for all.  Not just say I'll do better next time.  No - next time I sit down at that archaic testing center computer and gear up to fly through 3 testlets of multiple choice questions, I WILL PASS DAMN IT!  No matter how many practice questions it takes.  No matter how many weekends with Deac I have to give up.  No matter how many episodes of gLee I have to miss. 

I'll get my official results in a month.  I'd say that maybe there will be a miracle and I will somehow pass, but I think I used up my quota of CPA Exam-related miracles (See Hey Ya).  So when I get my Matrix-O-Weaknesses in a few weeks, I can re-register and schedule the exam.  So, in 6 weeks, you will be reading the words of a Certified Public Accountant.  As God is my witness - I'll never go in unprepared again. 

End rant.

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

Ta Da!!!  It's time again for RANDOM THOUGHTS!!!  YAY!!!!!!!  I know you're as excited as I am!! 

 

STARVING

Everyone knows that nothing makes you want to do something like being told you can't.  Eating?  No exception. I'm on a fast for a medical procedure tomorrow.  Haven't been able to eat since midnight.  Still have 20 hours to go.  I'm about to keel over.  

There have been plenty of days when I have plain forgotten to eat.  Didn’t feel like this!  Just being told that I can’t have food has made it the central focus of ALL of my thoughts.  I. WANT. FOOD.  So much food.  Hamburgers and fries and shakes and sushi and pizza and ice cream and marshmallows and pop tarts… Anything.  This fruit pie staring at me right now?  I’d eat its cardboard box at this point.  However will I make it to noon tomorrow??  Sigh…

The Bitch is Back

Yes, only the BITCH from the CPA Exam Board could turn the most amazing news into a total pain in my ass.  No congratulations whatsoever for passing Financial.  Rather, I get a curt email informing me that the Board has approved my request for additional time on the remaining section (yay!), followed VERY quickly by another email saying SYKE! – they won’t give me more time without more information (BOO!).  I told her to forget the whole damn thing and give me my Notice to Schedule for the final section.  And, I also indicated that I would NOT be okay with her keeping the $300 she already charged to my credit card to reschedule the section I passed.  I know for a fact she is going to say I shouldn’t have jumped the gun and assumed I would need to retake it, and that she has every right to keep that money.  Not like they don’t already have enough of my money – seeing as I’ve sunk approximately $5,000 into testing fees. 

Normally I reserve my animosity and harassing tendencies for the cable company.  But, I think my focus should shift to the Bitch for a while.  As soon as I pass the last section, I think I will make a hobby of ruining her life, much like she’s ruined mine.  Won’t that be fun?

Want to eat my own arm right now…

The Soap

My name is Kristen, and I’m a Y&R addict.

I admit, I have a problem.  I’ve invested roughly 31 years in the CBS daytime drama, the Young and the Restless.  LITERALLY watching since birth.  And I ask myself -EVERY DAY – why?  This show is insane, and I’m embarrassed that it’s an integral part of my daily life.  All shame aside - a couple of quick requests to the writers/producers:

1. PLEASE go ahead and reveal that “Mama Bear” is Sheila.  And, from the sounds of it, she now has Lauren’s face.  We all know where this lame and overdone storyline is going.  Let’s get this over with…
2. Get rid of Ashley.  Eileen Davidson is NOT a good actress.  She’s proven this in recent weeks.  Get a new one!
3. Billy and Victoria – Thank goodness they finally did it and got it over with.  Now, let’s get those two together for real.  Finally – a couple with chemistry!
4. Lily really needs some better wigs.
5. PLEASE tell Jack that Summer is his.  This is ridiculous.

 

I hope that old lady is okay

When I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my “prep kit” for my procedure tomorrow, a little old lady fell in the parking lot.  I, of course, (being a human being and all – and not Satan) ran to her assistance.  She swore she was okay, but I’m not sure.  She was pretty shaky.  I remember when that sort of thing used to happen to my Granny.  Scares the crap out of me.  I sure hope she’s okay.  Say a little prayer for her…

SOOOOOOOO Hungry….

Hot in the City

So, we all know I’m pretty psyched for spring.  However, I do find it odd that the high today is 85, and tomorrow, it’s 88.  It’s April.  I sure hope this isn’t a sign that our summer will be as dramatic as the winter was…

Bitchy Update

As I’ve been writing this, I heard back from the Bitch on my two [rather forceful] requests.  Yes, she will go ahead and send my Notice to Schedule.  And YES – she will refund the fees.  THANK GOODNESS.  I really didn’t want to have to wait for her in a dark alley with a baseball bat…

Chicken!  Grab hold of that table floating by and drift to safety!

Chicken is under water in Rhode Island!  Oh no!  Our horrible storms from last weekend made their way up to the northeast.  Chicken – I hope there’s no damage!  And, keep the frogs as pets.  They’re so cute!  And you know littleb would love that!   

Alright crazy kids – I’m off to starve some more, and do a little work for a while.  Cross your fingers that I survive this miserable procedure.  And that I can remember there are people who are actually starving in this world, and I am a gigantic spoiled bratty baby. 

Holla!  (Still sounds weird coming from me…)

Hey Ya!

HELL YEAH!!!


I got home from work last night a little after midnight, and decided to check the mail, since I STILL had not received my test scores from the most dreadful of CPA exam sections - Financial.  Sure enough, there was the envelope from the state CPA board (where the BITCH works...).  When you fail a section (and I know this from MUCH personal experience), the board will print a matrix on the back of the score sheet that shows your weak areas vis a vis that section's material.  Generally, I am weak in pretty much every area, on every test.  And, I know I've failed before I even unfold the score sheet because they fold them with the matrix facing out.  Nice of them, huh?


HOWEVER - this time, the back of the sheet was blank.

BLANK.

 Yes,

   

BLANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

There must be some mistake, I thought to myself as I unfolded the watermarked (so I know it wasn't an April Fool's Joke!) paper.  But, NO!  NO MISTAKE!!  They hadn't just inadvertently forgotten my Matrix o' Weaknesses!  

That's right, folks!  Against all odds, and contrary to every assumption off of which I'd been running, I passed Financial.  The longest, most miserable section of the world's most hellacious exam.  That means I'm 3 down, 1 to go.  And the 1 to go is the shortest and easiest section!  I know, if I study the way I did for this last one, I will pass it just fine.  Then, I will be: 

Kristen, JD, CPA

And after this summer, when my AMAZING law school professor - who's so selflessly helping me out right now - finds me a tutor for the bar exam, I'll be: 

Kristen, Esq., CPA

Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it??  

So, today at Musical Musings, I salute myself!  And honor myself with one of my most favoritest songs and videos EVER...  

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

Random, ENRAGED thoughts today.  Why ENRAGED?  Well, read on to find out…

Opening a can of Whoop-Ass

So, I’ve been taking the CPA Exam for most of my adult life, as you all know.  It is by far one of the most miserable things one can do to one’s self.  The test itself is long, tedious, boring, and FRICKIN’ IMPOSSIBLE.  I know millions have passed it, but they are also far more intelligent, focused, and NOT ADD than I.  Many things have gotten in the way of the exam in the past 3 years.  There was that time I was in the hospital with two collapsed lungs and couldn’t take it.  And then there was the time it was scheduled for the day of my Grandmother’s funeral.  Did I get an extension or a refund of the $400 fees for either of those instances?  NOPE.  “No refunds. No extensions.  No exceptions.”  Verbatim, that is what the crazy bitch at the state CPA Exam Board told me.  There’s $800 I’ll never see again. 

Now, I found out that my ADD diagnosis should permit me to receive an accommodation on the exam, so I can actually finish it this next time I take it.  So, I go to the doctor who diagnosed me and have him fill out annoying forms and write a letter and everything.  And then I filled out annoying forms and wrote a letter, too.  There are two forms online that pertain to diagnosis.  The first is for a physician – if a physician diagnosed you.  The second is for a “professional evaluator” – or someone who diagnosis learning disabilities like ADD for a living.  I was diagnosed by a doctor, so I got him to fill out the appropriate form.  (Note – it has taken me WEEKS and at least 20 emails to the Bitch to even get to this point.  She was unwilling to even tell me where on the website I could find these elusive forms.  Only that they were out there in cyberspace, and I had to fill them out.  I mean, how hard is it to copy and paste a frickin’ link??)

That should do it, right?  WRONG.  No dice.  Apparently, the diagnosis of a licensed psychiatrist is not adequate.  They will not give me the additional 30-60 minutes I need for the test unless I also get diagnosed separately by a professional evaluator.  What that translates to is $2,000 worth of tests that are NOT covered by insurance.  Understand that I’ve already spent THOUSANDS of dollars on this exam.  (Enough to buy a car, probably.)  So, color me crazy for not wanting to sink another $2K into it.  For something that’s ALREADY been done.  I told her as much, and asked to speak to someone above her.  She’s scrambling now.  We’ll see what comes of it.  Regardless, I’m going to the Board Deputy this time…

End rant.

Rain, Rain STAY AWAY

Deac has VERY kindly and generously offered to whisk me away to the beach this weekend to help me de-stress.  This couldn’t come at a better time, as I am currently shaking from the craziness that has ensued today.  BUT, the weather forecast is not looking promising.  So – everyone out there – cross your fingers that, as per usual, the weather people will be WRONG and we’ll get 75 degrees and clear skies all the way…

Out of the road, my Deer

I almost wrecked the car on the highway the other night when I was driving home from work at 1:00 am, because a Deer was just hanging out on the side of the interstate.  It got me to thinking – first about why deer do that!  Stay in the woods, Mr. Deer!  You’re far less likely to end up in the Roadkill Café if you don’t loiter about on busy freeways.  Then my thoughts moved on to the word “deer”.  It’s one of few words whose singular and plural forms are the same.  In fact, for the rest of the drive home, I tried to think of other such words and couldn’t come up with a single one.  Granted, my brain was a little fried at that point, but still.  Can you guys think of any other words like that?

I’m with Stupid à

As I was heading to Mickey D’s this morning for my large coffee and giant iced tea, I heard a rather amusing tale on the “Strange News” report on the morning show.  Check out the story: http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/weird/Calling-Ahead-Doesnt-Get-Bank-Robbers-Far-88999452.html.

Words of advice – if you’re going to rob a bank (which I know has crossed my mind today, as I do my bills…), do NOT call ahead and request that the cash be bagged and waiting for you.  What you are much more likely to receive in that case is a fun filled run-in with the fuzz.  Epic PHAIL.  Idiots.

Prayers for a Stinky Dog

My beagle, Snoopy (I know, we’re so original), a.k.a. Stinky, has been diagnosed with the kind of anemia that is caused by internal bleeding.  We hoped it was his arthritis medicine that was causing the bleeding, but it sounds like it’s more serious than that.  He’s an old geezer, but we love him dearly.  Please pray (or send good thoughts, if you’re not the praying type) for our little stinky dog as he undergoes some diagnostic tests.  Hopefully it’s something that can be treated with ease.

Alright, K out.  If I don’t get this memo done, Boss-Man Jr. is going to give me the ax, and I’ll REALLY have to rob a bank.  Don’t worry though, I won’t call ahead for reservations… 

Peace. 

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This one's for you, CPA Exam Board Lady!