Saved By the Bell - Saturday

Howdy, folks!  Sorry I've been so sporadic lately.  It's been a crazy time in the life of your Song Master.  Part of what's made my day-to-day so nutty is the start of concert season!  Yay!!!  Seven lined up so far this summer, starting with Panic! at the Disco last night, and James Taylor tonight.  (Did I mention that I'm a "contradiction in every way"?)  Last night's show was a date with NewB and some pals and tonight's was a date with dear old Dad (our 3rd time seeing the original JT together).  


My friend Timmy, one of those pals who accompanied me to Panic! last night, reminded me of one of the most classic of all SBTB episodes EVER the other day.  Since it kind of fits in with the start of concert season, I thought we'd take a look back to the "Rockumentary" episode in the this week's installment of SBTB Saturday!  Woot!


Remember Zack's kick-ass band? 

They were so uber talented! It's terrifying to think we almost lost them to their petty spats, egomania, and power plays. 

(Can't exactly remember why Screech is dressed like some kind of priest...)

But, as Kasey Kasem so brilliantly divulged in Zack's elaborate daydream/fantasy/imaginary Behind The Music installment, fame was almost too much to handle for our blonde heartthrob. (As was that trashy pedophile manager of his...  Stay tuned - one of these days I'll actually get around to posting the SBTB Saturday edition on age-inappropriate relationships that's been floating around my head since the theme's inception.) 


Thank goodness the Bayside High gang learned a valuable lesson on standing by your besties and getting back to your roots (i.e. The Max),   

otherwise, we might not ever have been graced with this little ditty:  

"Friends forever" Zack Attack
Tags: "Friends forever" Zack Attack

"Friends Forever.  It's a nice idea."  

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Side note - "Rockumentary" wasn't the first time we were introduced to the "Friends Forever" sentiment.  Remember "The Friendship Business"?  When, for a class project, the gang sells friendship bracelets?  Only, Zack again gets a little greedy (common theme in SBTB), forcing Jessie, Kelly, and Slater to come up with the even awesomer "Buddy Bands".  In case you forgot: 

You can thank me later for that one.  

(Don't worry, though.  They realize in the end that working together -and "Luv Cuffs" - are the way to go.)

Trash Talk - Tuesday (on Wednesday)

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Today's (well, yesterday's) topic... 

The Stupid Disguises on Y&R: A Photo Essay

For those of you who are new(ish) to Musical Musings, you may not know that I watch the Young & the Restless - and have religiously since birth.  It's hella stupid, I know, but boy do I love it!  NEVER miss an episode.  


The soap is dumb.  It's supposed to be.  It's unrealistic and crazy and silly and, if taken seriously or over-analyzed, it's insulting to a person of somewhat average intelligence.  This insult is arguably most evident in the writers' pathetic efforts to masquerade its characters when they're spying on one another, stealing trade secrets, or, most commonly, running from the law.  When they can't write in a complete plastic surgery makeover (see this issue of Trash Talk for more on the absurdity of that), they resort to the most clever of disguises! (No sarcasm there at all...)  


Some examples: 


1. This is Sharon: 

Sharon has been accused of murder.  She knocked out her guard in the ladies room and escaped from the courthouse after her conviction.  With the help of her luv-ah Adam, she's now a fugitive on the run.  But, with this foolproof plan, I'm sure NO ONE will ever find her!

Because everybody knows it only takes slutty clothes and hair a shade darker to evade capital murder charges! 

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2.  And, here's Skye: 





Incidentally, this is the woman Sharon has been accused of murdering.  But before she fell down a volcano to her untimely demise, she was already supposed to be dead.  Victor, Skye's (and Sharon's) father-in-law, helped Skye fake her own death and escape to Hawaii.  Since the Newmans are the equivalent of the Trumps in Soap-Land, I'm sure the news of a Newman wife's death would never make it all the way to the islands.  Just in case, though, Skye came up with this killer guise: 





With realistic Heidi braids like these, she's home free!!

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3. Jack is a mainstay of Y&R.  He's been on it since the beginning of time.  This is Jack on a typical day:




Jack flew to Hawaii (to find Skye).  Knowing that he'd be recognized by Victor's strategically-placed lackeys if he went as himself, he chose to portray a middle-aged surfer/drifter: 

Because, I guess if he gets some salt water in his hair and says "dude" enough, he's basically a whole different person... 

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4. Across town, and unrelated to the Sharon/Skye/Victor/Jack debacle, Jana, who normally looks like this: 

Is up to all kinds of no good.  She's decided to find her ex-hubby's niece - who she suspects has been sold to a black-market baby broker - in a pathetic attempt to win him back. (OMG - I am realizing how ridiculous this show really is, seeing the plot-lines in writing...)  So, she goes "undercover" (read, fake baby belly and a crappy accent) to meet the kiddie-dealer:

And then again to investigate a suspicious bank account number: 

I know I'm fooled!

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(Sorry the spacing is all messed up.  I really don't have the patience to fix the HTML right now.) 


5. Suspicious of Jana's wacky behavior, Chloe and Gloria: 


  


Decide to partake in a little breaking & entering to sift through Jana's belongings for clues.  

      













C'mon, what good lawbreaker's wardrobe doesn't include a stealthy cat-suit??  I mean, you just KNOW you're getting caught without one!

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6. Last, but CERTAINLY not least, is Adam: 





Adam is THE BEST at disguises!!  


This is Sabrina - Victor's late wife: 





Here is Adam - playing the dead Sabrina: 

Uncanny, isn't it?!?!?!  Convincing enough to drive Ashley (the blond in the first picture) to the mental institution, anyway! 

But, even better than his Sabrina get-up is Adam's affinity for baseball caps and sunglasses.  It seems that this convicted murderer, forger, fugitive, perjurer, and all-around stand-up guy need only don his favorite hat, a pair of sunglasses, or maybe some strategically-placed flowers to get away with - well - any of the aforementioned crimes: 

   


Adam - for your ingenuity and remarkable effectiveness, we salute you!!  And to the writers of Y&R?  Maybe you SHOULD quit your day jobs... 

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Saved By the Bell - Saturday

That's right, I'm talking about THE Saved By the Bell.  Inspired by my hilarious friend Maureen's always laughter-inducing Facebook posts and statuses, I decided to start a new blogging series on one of the most influential television shows of our generation.  I mean - what would life have been like without the Zack Attack?  Kelly Kapowski?  The infamous "Jesse Gets Addicted to Caffeine Pills" episode?  I know my own life was permanently altered.  Was it for the better or for the worse?  I'll let you decide... 

So, every Saturday (when I feel like it, anyway) I'll share some snippet from Saved By the Bell, highlighted by my own sassy opinion on said snippet.  Prepare to be enlightened. 

This week, (again - thanks to Maureen) we look at the super-creepy music video by "Hot Sundae" - the impromptu musical act that contributed Jesse's unforgettable drug (sort of)-induced breakdown: 

If you remember, the following MTV Video Award-worthy display of musical genius somehow magically ended up in the hands of a famous producer (stuff like that always seemed to happen to the SBTB kids - by my calculations, they should've been gazillionaires by the 10th grade), and the girls were scheduled to perform for him in an effort to win a recording contract.  But, as Jesse so emotionally taught us - what goes up must come down.  After too many No-Doze, our soon-to-be stripper passed out and slept through that potentially life-changing performance.  Thank goodness she was there to teach us all such a valuable lesson about legal drug abuse!  And, if you're paying attention, you might also learn a thing or two about the dangers of g-string leotards paired with black leggings... 

The moral of this pointless post?  Kids - careful with those Red Bulls. You may be "so excited" now, but you'll only find yourselves "SO scared", later... 

Happy Saturday!!

Trash Talk - Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

So, in the expanse of time between my last, dismal post and this moment (or, yesterday), when I rejoined the blogging race, I have become mildly (read frighteningly) addicted to all things FLDS.  For those of you who don’t know, that’s the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

NOTE: I am NOT talking about the mainstream LDS, which is a church composed of wonderful people and some of my dearest friends.  No, the FLDS is that crazy polygamist cult that got raided a few years ago.  Remember?   

Its prophet is currently in jail serving terms for rape, accomplice to rape, tax evasion, fraud, etc. It’s a real peach of a “church”.

(Warren Jeffs with a 12-year-old bride)

I’m not entirely sure what draws me to this alternate universe, but I am absolutely fascinated by all things polygamous.  Point in case, my obsession has manifested in: 

1.      Watching all five seasons of Big Love in the course of two months – going so far as to add HBO to my Direct TV package so I could watch the last season real-time (FANTASTIC show – highly recommend);

2.       

      Reading the following memoirs:

a.       Lost Boy

b.      Escape

c.       Triumph

d.      Cult Insanity

e.      Stolen Innocence

3.       DVR-ing “Banished: The Lost Boys of Polygamy” and “Inside Polygamy: Life in Bountiful”;

4.       And, of course, catching every episode ever of:

        And that brings us to this week's Trash Talk Topic: 

The Brown Family

(Disclaimer: The Browns are NOT part of the FLDS cult.  They call themselves Polygamous Mormons, or Fundamentalist Mormons.  They wear normal clothes, the kids go to public schools, they watch (and star on) TV, etc.  They are NOT a cult, and the following trash-talk is NOT bashing their religion or lifestyle, but rather their patriarch – and solely because he’s so cheesy, you can’t watch him without crackers.)

For the most part, I kinda dig the Brown Family.  The kids are endearing, the wives are pretty cool (except maybe Janelle – she’s a little odd and gruff), but my question for you, dear readers, is WHAT is the appeal of KODY BROWN?  How in the world has this man managed to snag not one, not two, but FOUR wives?? 

I mean, there’s the hair:

The CHEESEBALL smile (and, again, the hair):

The RIDICULOUSLY impractical Lexus 2-seater convertible when he has SIXTEEN children and his wives are driving Suburbans that break down on the side of the road, thus stranding said SIXTEEN children:

The age-inappropriate wardrobe symbolizing failed efforts at “cool” (check out the jeans):

The selfish decision to “go public” and subject his family of 21 to this:

Police Investigating Sister Wives Stars for Felony Bigamy

BY MIKE FLEEMAN

Update Tuesday September 28, 2010 08:00 AM EDTOriginally posted Monday September 27, 2010 10:00 PM EDT

And then, of course, there’s still the hair:

Now, I know I am both supporting and perpetuating this frighteningly bizarre phenomenon by religiously (no pun intended – har har) tuning in to TLC every Sunday night at 9:00 pm EST.  But, what can I say?  This show is a fascinating train-wreck from which I cannot avert my eyes.  Check it out this weekend, or try to find some episodes online somewhere.  And if you’re looking for enough satire, sarcasm, parody, and trash-talk out there to entertain you for days, try Google-ing Kody Brown.  Trust me, you won’t be sorry.

Fare Thee Well

It's a sad day for your fair SS, as the summer shows are coming to an end.  Sigh.  To the following pieces of trash, we now bid you adieu: 

1. Toddlers & Tiaras 
2. Royal Pains 
3. Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami 
4. Make It or Break It 
5. Rizolli & Isles
6. The Secret Life of the American Teenager

And the saddest of all...

     7. The Closer

We will miss you all so.  

But, life (and primetime programming) must go on.  Therefore we offer a resounding welcome to the NEW FALL LINEUP!!!  Including (but not limited to): 

1. Law & Order SVU
2. Grey's Anatomy 
3. Keeping Up with the Kardashians 
4. Weeds
5. (New) Hellcats
6. (New) Shit My Dad Says

And the greatest of all...

     7. gLee

As a public service, I have decided to publish the link to the September preview schedule for your review:

http://www.tvguide.com/special/fall-preview/images/fallpreview2010calendar.pdf

Now, go forth and rot your brains!