Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

 

TA-DA!  My first installment of Random Thoughts since my return to Bloggy Land!!!  I know you're frickin' thrilled!!!  Don't deny it.  The bizarro workings of my inner-mind are totally kick-ass.

Crash & Burn


Who knew that a side-effect of getting the GREATEST NEWS EVER!!! was total mental shutdown?  Not only can I not concentrate for doody, I feel kinda like hell.  I realized something today: I'm tired.  Like, hella tired.  I've been running on "OMG I have to pass this [insert name of any of a seemingly infinite number of exams here]" adrenaline for over a decade.  The fact that I'm DONE - at least for the foreseeable future - has caused my brain to totally cease functioning.  I stare now.  A lot.  And I feel like I'm going to pass out pretty much all the time.  Boss Man Jr. said tonight - "Why don't you go on home (at 8:15).  You...your eyes look really...uh...tired..." (read - "You look like hammered shit.")  Once this post-o-brilliance is finished, I shall retire for the evening, I think.  (Or, don't think, since I'm apparently not actually capable of doing so...)


Dude, that's sick.


Someone had the bright idea of ripping up our floors in our BRAND NEW building at work, so the elevator banks are closed on my floor and I've been working on the floor below mine this week. (No, not because I'm too lazy to take the stairs.  Because there wasn't room on our floor.  Stop judging.)  That means I'm sitting amongst a totally new set of people that I never see and didn't even know existed.  A pleasant bunch overall, with one rather nasty exception.  THREE TIMES I have heard women leave the bathroom without washing their hands.  Seriously, people.  How old are you?  Learn about hygiene, PLEASE.  If not for yourself, then for your appalled co-workers.  Signed - "I can hear you!"


Not Every Actor Can (or Should) Sing...


Glee rocks.  American Idol showcases actual singing talent.  Grey's Anatomy, though?  I have a very hard time believing tonight's musical episode will be anything but tragic - and not in a good way.  Yes, yes, I understand that the episode is over by now, but I will only be catching it by virtue of my blessed DVR this weekend.  (I have too many episodes of Y&R to catch up on tonight.)  Gotta say, though - the musical episode has been done.  Sometimes well, and sometimes not so much.  It's a tired concept.  While Buffy the Vampire Slayer NAILED IT, I can't really think of another instance in which this deviation from the norm marked anything other than a show's impending demise.  I'm interested to see the general reaction to tonight's display of actor versatility (or lack thereof), and I would love to hear your comments.  I'll weigh in after I catch up this weekend.  










Man, do I love me some Spike!

And Wow, Do You People Love You Some Baby Beauty Queens!

Blogger has made some changes during my hiatus.  For example, I'm super-thrilled to see the "Stats" tab!  Sweet!  I stalk my readers via SiteMeter and BlogPatrol, but now Blogger has made it incredibly easy to monitor your traffic!  Two things I've learned thanks to the Stats tab: 

(1) I need more readers in a MAJOR way.  I mean, c'mon!  I know I'll never be a Chicken or a Cheeseboy or a Hyperbole, but I'm at least kinda funny, right?  (Please say yes - my fragile ego can't take any more rejection.)  So - to all my Blogging pals out there - how do you do it?  Any hints?   

(2) My readers REALLY love kiddie pageants.  And I mean really!  Here's a snapshot of my most viewed posts:

Kinda sad, I know.  But patheticness aside, check out the top post!  1,680 views of the March 2, 2010 episode of Trash Talk.  Wow!  Now, I know my analysis of the kiddie pageant circuit was pure, unadulterated brilliance but, damn!  Maybe I should just devote my blog to covering the local pageant scene.  I bet my followers would increase infinity-fold!  (PS - In third place is the follow-up to the original pageant post, and coming in second is my rant on Jodie Sweetin.  Go figure...)

Necesito Practicar Mi Espanol - In a MAJOR Way

Not sure if any of you know this, but I have a Bachelor's Degree in Spanish. (Yeah, I'm weird like that.  Took some classes and just decided I might as well get another degree.  I've got problems.  But, then, you probably figured that out already...)  And, honestly?  I'm appalled to admit that to you.  Not because I don't think Spanish is a perfectly fantastic major and an incredibly useful language, but rather because I don't remember a damn word of it.  This was made abundantly clear to me this evening when the Hispanic maintenance man came by and asked if he should vacuum the conference room in which I was working.  Granted, he wasn't asking me this in Spanish, but he was definitely struggling to get the idea across in English.  I thought to myself, "Gee, how much easier would this be if I could just have this conversation with him in Spanish?"  Then I realized there's no possible way I could do that.  For starters, I can't remember the word for vacuum, much less how to properly conjugate the verb.  That's just sad, folks.  Sad.  I need to get to Spain again tout suite...

Alrighty kiddos - off to bed.  As aforementioned, I'm beat.  Have a fantastic evening and get your friends to read Musical Musings!  Please!  I need readers!  And new friends!  And affirmations!  

Love ya - 

SS

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Follow-Up: Grey's was just as horrible as I thought it would be.  There's always one person who fancies herself a singer, thereby becoming the focus of such a musical episode.  In the Buffy one, it was actually several - Giles, Tara, Spike... But in the Grey's musical, it was Callie.  She was good, but not good enough to warrant subjecting innocent audiences to all the other wretched voices on that show.  And, it added nothing but distraction and confusion to the plot line.  Epic fail, Grey's.  Epic fail.  I look forward to hearing about your now-inevitable cancellation.    

Trash Talk Tuesday

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OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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I'm totally taking the cop-out approach on Trash Talk today.  I was going to join in on Taboo Tuesday, but I don't have anything prepared, nor am I able to research today.  The same is true for Trash Talk.  Instead of a new and exciting topic this week, you get comments on prior topics.  Two recent Trash Talks have prompted comments containing opposing viewpoints.  Since I love a good debate, I shall post them here: 

• Baby Beauty Queens (See this installment: Trash Talk Tuesday) 

If you remember, I rather harshly criticized child beauty pageants - based solely on my extensive viewing of Toddlers & Tiaras and Little Miss Perfect (as well as a couple of documentaries).   I was, to quote Cher Horowitz, "Brutally Rebuffed".  Check out what S Garner had to say: 

Wow.. you write well.. witty even but I would say this is quite one sided wouldn't you? Even you yourself admit that your relative enjoys them, it has raised her self esteem, confidence and even earned some scholarship cash. Sure there are whackos in every sport, hobby and family but come on. You are leaning 98% towards exploitation and bad parenting when, if you've been in it at all, (which my guess is you have not) you'd see that its the crazy ones that really are the rarity. There is no excuse for Miss "this one is prettier than that one", granted that's a horrifying thing to do to kids. Same as the parents you see pitting one sibling against the other in football, baseball, lacrosse and so on. Crazy pageant moms make good tv and give people like you a way to really dig in and bash the whole idea of pageantry. But.. truth have it, its great Mommy and me time, it should be done only when the child wants to do it.. which is sometimes not evident until they are a little older and can express their wants and needs. I see nothing wrong with a Mom putting a dress on her baby and walking her across a stage. Who really cares? This is far from exploitation even at this age. They meet other kids, make new friends, feel good about themselves and so on. I was a pageant coach for 7 years. I did not coach the Moms with a wad of cash but preferred to coach the ones who were short on it, or were friends of mine. The main reason I started doing it was to help the kids who were new or couldn't afford the insane $100 per hour coaches so that they too could have exactly the same advantages at least in modeling and talent. I did ask Moms to leave my group of girls if it was evident the child wasn't into it and it appeared the Mom was doing it more for herself and the A #1 thing I promoted was inner beauty, self respect and good sportsmanship. There's way more to pageants than you can imagine and to see someone as intelligent as you appear to be make such broad insinuations is rather disheartening to me. It seems like you did your research.. or did you? What exactly did you research on the good side of pageants? There certainly is a lot of good in pageantry. 

And for Miss Satan.. come on.. be real. Are the "trashy football Dads" all taken over by Satan too? Do you believe everything you read?

I admit, S Garner does bring up some good points, and I concede that I am one-sided.  Here is my response:

Ah yes, S Garner - one sided perhaps. But that's why I include the caveat that these posts contain MY opinions. I appreciate your perspective, and absolutely respect it. And, I really enjoy sparking debate and good conversation, so bring it! I have not claimed to know anything more about pageantry than what is captured in documentaries, but they are pretty damn scary. Again - as I said though - I know the good pageants have done for my cousin. I think it might be inappropriate to push the very young girls into it, though. At least to the extremes that are profiled in shows like LMP and T&T. They are not old enough to truly know if they want to do it, and you have to admit that some of the routines and costumes definitely border on (or blatantly cross into the realm of) exploitative. That being said, some of these girls, and their families, take a refreshing approach to the pageants, and showcase the child's natural beauty and talent. In those cases, it's truly enjoyable to watch. It sounds like you supported the latter approach, and I think that's awesome. Good for you for helping the girls who couldn't otherwise afford good coaching, and for protecting their interests. You need to get on TV and show the world that side of pageantry.

I checked out S Garner's linked website: Shelbie Anne.  True to her word, she is a coach to kids who might not otherwise afford to have one.  She's clearly proud of her girls, and they seem to really enjoy what they're doing.  I love that she posts stories about other activities in which the girls are involved, and not just about pageants (like her post about Becca's dance team win).  That's a great way to promote well-roundedness.  So, props to Shelbie!  (I also appreciate the compliment on my writing and wit - even if it was tempered with a "but"...) 


What do you guys think, readers?  Pageants: Good?  Bad?  Ugly?  Indifferent?  


I stand by my original point (in the response to Shelbie's comment) that pushing the little ones into it might not be appropriate.  But, for the older girls, I think it's generally fine.  As long as they don't lose sight of the healthy reasons for doing pageants (e.g. self-confidence, poise, public speaking, scholarship money), in order to become obsessed with winning and exhibitionism, or pleasing their parents.  


Moving on...

• Disney Divas (See this installment: Trash Talk Tuesday) 

J-nonymous is BACK!  I'm so excited!  (She's been MIA for a while, travelling and such.  I've missed her loyal readership and good comments.)  She had this to say about last week's post on Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff, and other Disney Divas: 

You know, K, I've had these exact same thoughts *about* some of Shia LeB's comments... so though I agree that he has some talent, he definitely falls into your warning category. I've actually thought about this a lot. I mean, he's better than Megan Fox about press, but not much. (Been gone so long, and this is the point I have to tune in to make? I promise I'm catching up!)

My response: 

J-nonymous - Don't tell me that! I've never heard of him trashing Disney! I want to believe he's a good guy! I love him!

Again I quote the honorable Cher when I say: "Do you recall the dates of these alleged [remarks]??"  I want to see some articles supporting these hateful allegations, before I will accept that Shia is also a tool.  J - please reply to this post with some links.  

• Pregnant Teens (See this installment: Trash Talk Tuesday) 

No thought provoking responses to this post, but I thought I'd follow up, nonetheless.  


Sixteen & Pregnant: Season Two is SOOOOOOOOOO inferior to Season One.  The girls are more naive, more annoying, and more selfish than ever, and their boyfriends are way bigger douches.  While one might think this would make for better viewing, it's actually detracting from my enjoyment.  Part of what made this show such an anomaly was the fact that you really could relate to the girls, and your heart went out to them.  Their struggles were real and realistic, and they each had some endearing quality that made you want to root for a happy ending to their sordid tales.  This season - not so much.  I find myself losing focus and wandering out of the room to fold laundry (and that says a lot, considering I loathe laundry with all the fire of hell) or do other meaningless chores, because I'm no longer connecting with the characters.  MTV needs to not worry so much about creating shock factor (like the notorious text to episode 4's Chelsea), and should refocus on finding girls that viewers want to follow.  Like Maci, Amber, Catelynn, and Farrah...


...which leads us to Teen Mom: Not a whole lot to report, since this show is over for a while, but I will say HOORAY!  All four girls will be back for a second season of Teen Mom, so we'll get to see year two of parenthood.  Woo hoo!  


Secret Life: The Secret Life of the American Teenager had its finale last week. Luh-AAAAAMMMMMMMEEEE.  We're left with the cliffhanger of whether Adrian (the slut and ex-girl friend to baby-daddy Ricky) is pregnant, too.  But not with Ricky's baby!  Oh no!  With BEN'S!!  (Baby-mama Amy's "nice guy" ex-boyfriend)  It would seem that the condom broke during their little revenge-induced indiscretion, and now there will be two teen moms in this epic love quadrangle.  Meanwhile, every other girl on the show is planning to have sex with some random guy or another.  Will they EVER learn???  (Ridiculously stupid or not, you can bet your ass I'll be tuning in when this trash fest returns this summer!) 


Alrighty - that's enough mindless dribble/filler for one day.  Off to research net assets for NMTC allocatee banks.  (Be glad you have no idea what that means.) 


Latuh! 

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In response to Shelbie's comment below, here are some examples of what I think is cute, and what is crossing the line:

VERY Scary... 

  

Beautiful, and natural...

TOO MUCH...

Suit is fine, but hair and makeup are over the top (you talk about this in your post today, and I totally agree with what you had to say)

This kid is AWESOME: 

LOVED this Mother/Daughter pair on LMP: 

Not seeing why they need to show this much skin: 

Questionable: 

Hmm...

Double hmm...

Adorable: 

Too provocative:

Again, too much for a kid this young: 

Perfectly Beautiful: 

Just plain wrong...  

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Shelbie - Agree or disagree??

Trash Talk Tuesday

Howdy everybody!  It's Trash Talk Tuesday again!!  As promised, this week I will delve into the WONDERFUL world of child beauty pageants!!  WOO HOO!!!  Hold on to your butts!  It's going to be a wild ride!  (Well, not really.  Just felt like saying that.)

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OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Aside from shows about teen pregnancy (see last week's Trash Talk), the only reality TV that can truly suck me in are those shows which follow baby beauty queens.  I'm not sure what draws me to this entertainment medium.  It's definitely like a train wreck - you just can't pull your eyes away from it!  The insane mothers, the 3-year-olds that look like 30 year old prostitutes, the sequins, the hair extensions, the 4 ft tall trophies.  It's a veritable cornucopia of rhinestone encrusted horror.  And I love every minute of it.

The otherwise obscure topic became of interest to the American public following the devastating murder of Jon Benet Ramsey.  The six-year-old's death brought to light the surreal and controversial world of child beauty pageants, and the caricatures behind it.  Let me now walk you through the evolution of child pageant shows...

Living Dolls: The Making of a Child Beauty Queen

Following the media frenzy surrounding JonBenet's murder, HBO decided to follow a white-trash (sorry to be so blunt, but it's true) Florida family around the Southern kiddie pageant circuit.  Swan Brooner - and no, you can't make up a name like that - had plateaued at the ripe old age of five.  Instead of throwing in the towel, her trailer trash mother decided to hire infamous gay pageant coaches  Shane King and Michael Butler to whip her little girl into shape.

While mom and Swan travel from fleabag hotel to fleabag hotel, we watch Swan's family implode back home. Brother Bubba is off in juvy, sister Silva is a bit of a teen tramp, and mom's pervy boyfriend is just trying to hold it all together.  All the while, Swan is forced to compete against her coaches' daughter - the reigning queen of, well, pretty much every pageant in the history of pageants (holder of 27 national titles at age 7).  Thank God, poor little sweetheart Swan finally catches a break and wins the coveted title of Miss Grand National Star Grand Supreme.  And a whopping $2,500 to go with it.  That should make up for the roughly $70K good  ol' mom spent to get her there.  I mean, who needs a house without wheels anyway?  

Little Swan's Winning Performance of "Where is Love" 

(You may want to turn the volume DOWN for this one...)

Side-note on Living Dolls.  I remember seeing this for the first time back when it originally aired in 2001,and this is definitely what kicked off my -albeit unhealthy- love of kids in crowns.  For some reason though, I could've sworn there was a follow-up series that featured Michael and Shane, and followed them through coaching a handful of kids (including Swan and their daughter Leslie).  Anybody else remember that?? 

Living Dolls developed a bit of a cult following, from what I understand, so it's surprising to me that there hasn't been anything like it made since.  Until 2009, that is.  Enter both Toddlers & Tiaras and Little Miss Perfect...

Toddlers & Tiaras

TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras has much more of a documentary feel than it's counterpart, Little Miss Perfect, and follows 3 or 4 different girls each week through preparation for and competition in a variety of pageants.  TLC has exposed us to such wonders as the Chitlin' Strut, Beautiful Dolls, Darling Divas, and Texas Walk of Fame.  A couple of the more seasoned veterans (5-year-old Eden Wood, for example) make multiple appearances on the show, but for the most part, we see fresh faces each week.  And fresh moms.  T&T doesn't try to hide the fact that pageant moms are hella crazy, and they don't seem to have to do much in the way of staging to drive that truth home.  Point in case (and please watch this.  It's unbelievable, heartbreaking, and sickening all at the same time.  For those of you with kids - could you even begin to imagine behaving this way??): 

Jamie Sterling: The Most Hideous and Horrible Mother on the Planet

Not all of the pageant moms are psycho bitches though.  Some of them are just plain psycho.  Again, I bring up Eden Wood.  She could honestly get a whole post for herself (and may one day).  Her mother is incredible.  She's trying to build an Eden Empire a la the Olsen Twins.  Here's a snippet of crazy, crazy Mickie Wood, discussing, among other things, the "Eden Wood Doll" and clothing line... 

Love Eden??  Want to join her fan club? (God, I hope not, because that would be horribly creepy.)  Well, YOU'RE IN LUCK!  In a recent Good Morning America appearance, Mickie Wood asked America to please follow her five-year-old on Facebook.  Yep, Facebook.  And this isn't a cute profile like some of my friends have set up for their kids.  This is full-blown marketing insanity.  Check it out... http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eden-Wood/133962794274#!/pages/Eden-Wood/133962794274?v=wall

Little Miss Perfect 


Little Miss Perfect takes a different approach to child pageantry.  Each week we meet two kids who are competing in their respective town's Little Miss Perfect Pageant.  The show is hosted by the kids, their moms, and pageant director and self-proclaimed god Michael Galanes.  LMP is what is called a "high glitz" pageant, which means kids need to be spray tanned and don fake nails, hair extensions, and GOBS of makeup in order to really compete.  Every now and then LMP will follow a "natural" girl, but rarely do they win.  Usually, the mom that spends the most, gets the crown.  I say the mom gets the crown because - let's be real - it's NEVER about the kids.

Crazy moms abound on LMP, too, but I think this show tends to script both the parents and kids far more than T&T.  Perhaps because it's on We TV, and is supposed to be fluffy entertainment, LMP seems to shy away from the extremes in pageantry.  Yes, moms are overbearing and kids are dressed up like china doll hookers, but the controversial parenting is typically omitted.  I think We might be trying to avoid some of the repercussions TLC suffered following the Jamie Sterling episode.  Apparently someone posted her address online in a hate forum, and she was stalked and harassed at home.  TLC endured severe backlash following that and other episodes, and its "Top 10 Most Controversial Parents" have resulted in a lot of the same questions from the general public that surfaced after JonBenet.  Besides, if LMP had super loony parents, they might steal some of Micheal's thunder.  We wouldn't want that!

So, that's the synopsis of all the crazy crap you can watch on kiddie pageants.  As for my opinion on the effects of pageants on these kids?  Well, it's kind of like any other hobby, really.  So often we see kids involved in a sport or other activity not because they love it, but because their parents are living vicariously through them.  This is especially true in pageantry, and is evidenced by the fact that the majority of the pageant moms are overweight to obese, and typically demonstrate a pronounced lack self-esteem.   Just like anything else where children are unduly pressured to perform, pageants can warp a child's self-image, stunt their personal development, and create unrealistic and unhealthy expectations.

That said, they aren't all bad.  Some girls (and boys, in the case of T&T) legitimately enjoy doing pageants, and they're wholeheartedly and healthily supported by their parents.  My cousin is a beauty queen, and has been competing in pageants regularly since she was 13.  In her case, pageantry has increased her confidence, poise, and public speaking ability, and has given her a great outlet for her true passion and greatest talent - ballet.  She's won several thousand dollars in scholarship money, and has been able to get involved in mentoring and community service projects as a result of her titles.  In cases like hers I say (to quote Swan's coach Michael Butler) YOU GO GIRL!

Thoughts??  Discuss!!