Because ALL Songs Say So Much
(Not just the sad ones...)
DISCLAIMER:
The following ramblings are based on real-life experiences, mishaps, and downright screw-ups. Names (of past, present, and future boyfriends) have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent. And the guilty...
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack... Did you miss me?? Sorry if you're all in Kristen withdrawal. Duty (aka work and the CPA exam) calls.
Today's topic: Me.
Yep, I'm trash talking myself. Well, not like you're thinking. I'm trash talking the element of my psyche that makes me sabotage my efforts to succeed.
I took what should've been the last section of the beast today (CPA exam, in case you're new here). No way I passed. And I have no one to blame but myself. I wasn't prepared. There, I said it. No blaming work. No blaming the test, the weather, the neighbors, my stomach, my head, my cat. Just me. I didn't properly prepare.
Any normal person would say: "WOW - after all this time, I've finally passed the 3 hardest of the 4 parts of the worst exam in history. And, I only have what's considered to be the easiest part leftt. AND, I've even passed this very section before! There's nothing that will stop me from finally getting this done! Yay for studying!"
But, if you've ever read this blog before, you know I am FAR from normal...
Honestly, I think the problem might be that I don't know what I would do if I actually passed this thing, because that would mean I'm not a failure after all. So I subconsciously do whatever it takes to screw up my chances of finally getting it done. I think this stupid mentality started in law school. Law school encompassed the three most disheartening, frustrating, and often miserable years of my life. I know how much I learned from the experience, and I appreciate what it must have done for my character. But, I also know that trying SOOO hard to always be just mediocre really broke me down. And, after a lifetime of school - two bachelor's degrees and a law degree - I am purely academically fried. Anything resembling learning/testing causes my brain to shut down. Concepts that should be easy for me to grasp are beyond me. Not at work, mind you. Just on tests.
Today, for example - I mixed up so many formulas in my head. God only knows how off I was on all of those questions. But, I have nobody to blame but me. I didn't prepare enough. I didn't study enough. I didn't take it seriously. I worked, watched TV, cleaned my house - anything but study. I should've been studying every day for weeks. Yesterday was a 13-hour work day, and I got about 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night. So - leaving my cramming to the last minute was really stupid. Clearly, I did not retain anything I looked at last night.
I walked out of there today confused, tired, angry, frustrated, sad - and incidentally very hungry. But more than anything, I walked out of there disappointed in myself. Perhaps as disappointed as I've ever been.
Alright - enough whining and negativity. Every day is a new beginning, right? And every failure is just an opportunity to learn. So, I need to learn from this - for once and for all. Not just say I'll do better next time. No - next time I sit down at that archaic testing center computer and gear up to fly through 3 testlets of multiple choice questions, I WILL PASS DAMN IT! No matter how many practice questions it takes. No matter how many weekends with Deac I have to give up. No matter how many episodes of gLee I have to miss.
I'll get my official results in a month. I'd say that maybe there will be a miracle and I will somehow pass, but I think I used up my quota of CPA Exam-related miracles (See Hey Ya). So when I get my Matrix-O-Weaknesses in a few weeks, I can re-register and schedule the exam. So, in 6 weeks, you will be reading the words of a Certified Public Accountant. As God is my witness - I'll never go in unprepared again.
A couple of other odd things that ended up on the highway in the ATL (while I lived there, so I got stuck in these traffic jams):
Planes (yes, more than one). Prop planes love to land on GA 400. Once such incident made a 6 mile commute take 4 hours.
Brian Nicholls. Remember the courthouse shooter? Well, he fled. And carjacked several vehicles. And thereby added to the utter chaos that is Atlanta traffic.
Other police chases. They happen all the time in the ATL:
Wrong-way drivers. Apparently people in Atlanta are directionally challenged. They love to drive the wrong way down the highway. Mainly when either drunk, or being vigilantly pursued by the APD.
Paper. Doesn't sound weird, does it? Well, apparently paper is something amazing and awesome in the ATL. Driving to the farm one day, my friend Ashley and I got stuck in crazy traffic on GA 400. We were backed up for miles and miles, in total gridlock. People were driving across the median to turn around and go back home. We decided to stick it out - in part due to our warped curiosity of what could cause such congestion. As it turns out, it was paper. What looked like a couple of reams of printer paper had apparently fallen off of a truck. The rubbernecking that ensued was enough to back up the already crazy-busy highway for hours. Stupid Atlantans...
My mind is on Financial Accounting today, so I KNOW I'm forgetting some great ATL traffic stories. Share your most memorable traffic moments - from Atlanta, or anywhere else - in a comment below!!
And a SALUTE to you, Lima the Zebra!! Way to make the front page!
So, in a moment of weakness/sadness - immediately post-breakup - I had the bright idea of joining Match.com. Sound crazy? Yeah, probably. But, I did it for two reasons: 1. I needed to remind myself that there ARE, in fact, plenty of other fish in the sea; and 2. nothing strokes a bruised ego quite like a barrage of virtual "winks" and emailed pick-up lines. My Match profile definitely served those two purposes, but two days and over 1,000 profile views into it, I remembered why I hate that site.
If you decide to online date (as many people do these days), really think about how many people you are comfortable with having the ability to view your profile. You have two privacy selections in Match, and they are either to completely hide your profile, or to completely expose it. You can block certain users, but that usually doesn't become an option until the trouble's already started.
Point in case - I was matched with a self-proclaimed "Bachelor", who was pushing 40 and had never been married. I'm not really one to talk on that point, so I figured I wouldn't judge. Yet. He seemed nice enough, at first, but one email into our interaction and he was asking for my number, and had given me his. Call me old-fashioned, but if I'm taking the online plunge, I want to take it SLOWLY. That's one of the greatest advantages of this medium of social networking. You have plenty of time to decide if the guy's a psycho BEFORE you give him (or inadvertently divulge via caller ID) any information that could indicate where you live, where you work, or what your last name might be. The first request, I didn't acknowledge. Instead of calling him, I simply wrote an email back, responding to the questions and comments in his prior email. He responded to that by telling me he hates email (um, why are you online dating then?), and would rather call me. I told him, very nicely, that while I was interested in continuing communications with him, I would rather hold off on the phone calls, and just email for a while. I was quite surprised at his reaction. Instead of indulging - no, RESPECTING - my very polite and reasonable request, he basically stated that he was not amenable to that arrangement, and I should just block my number and call him, if I were worried about my privacy and security. Well, this kind of weirded me out (Why is this guy so obsessed with getting me on the phone? And what's so darn difficult about sending a couple of emails?), and it seemed pretty frickin' pushy to me. Since I was already turned off by the whole Match process altogether at that point, I decided to take the mature and responsible route and just never respond to him again. Surely, he'd just go away.
Or not... Relentless much?? He has since emailed me four or five times (in a matter of days) - at one point going so far as to ask if I had been abducted by aliens or run off with Brad Pitt. Seriously. I know I'm not a mind-reader by any means, and I understand that guys can be particularly dense sometimes, but WHAT THE HECK? What would make this guy think that I am even remotely interested at this point, or that his behavior is even somewhat un-crazy? And further, for a guy who supposedly hates emailing, he sure has that whole electronic stalker thing down pat! I think I now know why he's a 40-year-old bachelor...
So, to celebrate all the crazies in this world, and the fact that - clearly - I am one HELLUVA catch, a lyrical and musical salute:
Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,
They're like,"Alright"What ya saying,
"Yeah can I take your digits?"
And you're like, "no not in a million years,
you're nasty. Please leave me alone."
- Lily Allen, Knock 'Em Out
Have a special stalker in your life? Click HERE for a list of the top ten stalker songs!
A Post-Script: I have since cancelled my Match subscription. I hid my profile after about three days. The very second - and I mean, INSTANTLY - I would try to un-hide it (so I could see my matches), the aforementioned Creepy McCreeperson would email, or a couple of other particularly forward guys would repeatedly message me. I guess they have no jobs and can just monitor profile activity all day?? So, I'm done. Back to relishing The Single Life for this girl.
What do you guys think?
Am I overreacting?
How would my readers out there feel about having over 1,000 people view their profiles in 2 days?
