The following ramblings are based on real-life experiences, mishaps, and downright screw-ups. Names (of past, present, and future boyfriends) have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent. And the guilty...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts


TA-DA!  My first installment of Random Thoughts since my return to Bloggy Land!!!  I know you're frickin' thrilled!!!  Don't deny it.  The bizarro workings of my inner-mind are totally kick-ass.

Crash & Burn

Who knew that a side-effect of getting the GREATEST NEWS EVER!!! was total mental shutdown?  Not only can I not concentrate for doody, I feel kinda like hell.  I realized something today: I'm tired.  Like, hella tired.  I've been running on "OMG I have to pass this [insert name of any of a seemingly infinite number of exams here]" adrenaline for over a decade.  The fact that I'm DONE - at least for the foreseeable future - has caused my brain to totally cease functioning.  I stare now.  A lot.  And I feel like I'm going to pass out pretty much all the time.  Boss Man Jr. said tonight - "Why don't you go on home (at 8:15).  You...your eyes look really...uh...tired..." (read - "You look like hammered shit.")  Once this post-o-brilliance is finished, I shall retire for the evening, I think.  (Or, don't think, since I'm apparently not actually capable of doing so...)

Dude, that's sick.

Someone had the bright idea of ripping up our floors in our BRAND NEW building at work, so the elevator banks are closed on my floor and I've been working on the floor below mine this week. (No, not because I'm too lazy to take the stairs.  Because there wasn't room on our floor.  Stop judging.)  That means I'm sitting amongst a totally new set of people that I never see and didn't even know existed.  A pleasant bunch overall, with one rather nasty exception.  THREE TIMES I have heard women leave the bathroom without washing their hands.  Seriously, people.  How old are you?  Learn about hygiene, PLEASE.  If not for yourself, then for your appalled co-workers.  Signed - "I can hear you!"

Not Every Actor Can (or Should) Sing...

Glee rocks.  American Idol showcases actual singing talent.  Grey's Anatomy, though?  I have a very hard time believing tonight's musical episode will be anything but tragic - and not in a good way.  Yes, yes, I understand that the episode is over by now, but I will only be catching it by virtue of my blessed DVR this weekend.  (I have too many episodes of Y&R to catch up on tonight.)  Gotta say, though - the musical episode has been done.  Sometimes well, and sometimes not so much.  It's a tired concept.  While Buffy the Vampire Slayer NAILED IT, I can't really think of another instance in which this deviation from the norm marked anything other than a show's impending demise.  I'm interested to see the general reaction to tonight's display of actor versatility (or lack thereof), and I would love to hear your comments.  I'll weigh in after I catch up this weekend.  

Man, do I love me some Spike!

And Wow, Do You People Love You Some Baby Beauty Queens!

Blogger has made some changes during my hiatus.  For example, I'm super-thrilled to see the "Stats" tab!  Sweet!  I stalk my readers via SiteMeter and BlogPatrol, but now Blogger has made it incredibly easy to monitor your traffic!  Two things I've learned thanks to the Stats tab: 

(1) I need more readers in a MAJOR way.  I mean, c'mon!  I know I'll never be a Chicken or a Cheeseboy or a Hyperbole, but I'm at least kinda funny, right?  (Please say yes - my fragile ego can't take any more rejection.)  So - to all my Blogging pals out there - how do you do it?  Any hints?   

(2) My readers REALLY love kiddie pageants.  And I mean really!  Here's a snapshot of my most viewed posts:

Kinda sad, I know.  But patheticness aside, check out the top post!  1,680 views of the March 2, 2010 episode of Trash Talk.  Wow!  Now, I know my analysis of the kiddie pageant circuit was pure, unadulterated brilliance but, damn!  Maybe I should just devote my blog to covering the local pageant scene.  I bet my followers would increase infinity-fold!  (PS - In third place is the follow-up to the original pageant post, and coming in second is my rant on Jodie Sweetin.  Go figure...)

Necesito Practicar Mi Espanol - In a MAJOR Way

Not sure if any of you know this, but I have a Bachelor's Degree in Spanish. (Yeah, I'm weird like that.  Took some classes and just decided I might as well get another degree.  I've got problems.  But, then, you probably figured that out already...)  And, honestly?  I'm appalled to admit that to you.  Not because I don't think Spanish is a perfectly fantastic major and an incredibly useful language, but rather because I don't remember a damn word of it.  This was made abundantly clear to me this evening when the Hispanic maintenance man came by and asked if he should vacuum the conference room in which I was working.  Granted, he wasn't asking me this in Spanish, but he was definitely struggling to get the idea across in English.  I thought to myself, "Gee, how much easier would this be if I could just have this conversation with him in Spanish?"  Then I realized there's no possible way I could do that.  For starters, I can't remember the word for vacuum, much less how to properly conjugate the verb.  That's just sad, folks.  Sad.  I need to get to Spain again tout suite...

Alrighty kiddos - off to bed.  As aforementioned, I'm beat.  Have a fantastic evening and get your friends to read Musical Musings!  Please!  I need readers!  And new friends!  And affirmations!  

Love ya - 


Follow-Up: Grey's was just as horrible as I thought it would be.  There's always one person who fancies herself a singer, thereby becoming the focus of such a musical episode.  In the Buffy one, it was actually several - Giles, Tara, Spike... But in the Grey's musical, it was Callie.  She was good, but not good enough to warrant subjecting innocent audiences to all the other wretched voices on that show.  And, it added nothing but distraction and confusion to the plot line.  Epic fail, Grey's.  Epic fail.  I look forward to hearing about your now-inevitable cancellation.    

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Tell Me Why - Wednesday

Why is that when this happens: 

This must also happen:



Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Trash Talk - Tuesday


So, in the expanse of time between my last, dismal post and this moment (or, yesterday), when I rejoined the blogging race, I have become mildly (read frighteningly) addicted to all things FLDS.  For those of you who don’t know, that’s the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

NOTE: I am NOT talking about the mainstream LDS, which is a church composed of wonderful people and some of my dearest friends.  No, the FLDS is that crazy polygamist cult that got raided a few years ago.  Remember?   

Its prophet is currently in jail serving terms for rape, accomplice to rape, tax evasion, fraud, etc. It’s a real peach of a “church”.

(Warren Jeffs with a 12-year-old bride)

I’m not entirely sure what draws me to this alternate universe, but I am absolutely fascinated by all things polygamous.  Point in case, my obsession has manifested in: 

1.      Watching all five seasons of Big Love in the course of two months – going so far as to add HBO to my Direct TV package so I could watch the last season real-time (FANTASTIC show – highly recommend);
      Reading the following memoirs:
a.       Lost Boy
b.      Escape
c.       Triumph
d.      Cult Insanity
e.      Stolen Innocence

3.       DVR-ing “Banished: The Lost Boys of Polygamy” and “Inside Polygamy: Life in Bountiful”;

4.       And, of course, catching every episode ever of:


        And that brings us to this week's Trash Talk Topic: 

The Brown Family

(Disclaimer: The Browns are NOT part of the FLDS cult.  They call themselves Polygamous Mormons, or Fundamentalist Mormons.  They wear normal clothes, the kids go to public schools, they watch (and star on) TV, etc.  They are NOT a cult, and the following trash-talk is NOT bashing their religion or lifestyle, but rather their patriarch – and solely because he’s so cheesy, you can’t watch him without crackers.)

Sister Wives Brown family tree with Kody Brown, his 4 sister wives and all 16 children

For the most part, I kinda dig the Brown Family.  The kids are endearing, the wives are pretty cool (except maybe Janelle – she’s a little odd and gruff), but my question for you, dear readers, is WHAT is the appeal of KODY BROWN?  How in the world has this man managed to snag not one, not two, but FOUR wives?? 

I mean, there’s the hair:

The CHEESEBALL smile (and, again, the hair):

The RIDICULOUSLY impractical Lexus 2-seater convertible when he has SIXTEEN children and his wives are driving Suburbans that break down on the side of the road, thus stranding said SIXTEEN children:

The age-inappropriate wardrobe symbolizing failed efforts at “cool” (check out the jeans):

The selfish decision to “go public” and subject his family of 21 to this:

Police Investigating Sister Wives Stars for Felony Bigamy
Update Tuesday September 28, 2010 08:00 AM EDTOriginally posted Monday September 27, 2010 10:00 PM EDT

And then, of course, there’s still the hair:

Now, I know I am both supporting and perpetuating this frighteningly bizarre phenomenon by religiously (no pun intended – har har) tuning in to TLC every Sunday night at 9:00 pm EST.  But, what can I say?  This show is a fascinating train-wreck from which I cannot avert my eyes.  Check it out this weekend, or try to find some episodes online somewhere.  And if you’re looking for enough satire, sarcasm, parody, and trash-talk out there to entertain you for days, try Google-ing Kody Brown.  Trust me, you won’t be sorry.

Monday, March 28, 2011

It's My Turn Now!

Yep, that's right!  I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And the reason I'm back?  Well, because I imposed upon myself a blogging and horse-hunting hiatus that could not end until I could address you all as:

Sparklee.com - http://www.sparklee.com

Yes, that's right, yours truly is now a Certified Public Accountant AND a Licensed Attorney at Law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONE am I with the days of using all of my vacation for studying!

DONE am I with that nagging guilt that plagued me whenever I read a book for fun!

DONE am I with the stress-induced ulcers and splitting headaches! (Well, at least I'm leaving those up to the job now, anyway)

DONE am I with all things academic!

So done, in fact, that I have imposed yet another moratorium upon myself - this one forbidding me to engage in any academic, accreditation-related, or career altering activity for a period of ONE YEAR.  I am to do nothing but my current job and take care of myself.

Hours of TV!  Tons of literary trash!  Afternoons of indulgent naps!

HALLELUJAH, it is FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(More tomorrow, after I come down from my prideful high...)


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