Manic Monday

MANIC being the operative word. Today has been one of those crazy days.  Study break's over and it was back to work.  Sort of.  Suffice it to say, it was difficult to get back into the swing of things.  In large part because of the emotional roller-coaster I found myself on this morning, and of which I couldn't seem to get off.  


I think it started last night when I cried at Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  Yes, I know.  (In my defense, Kourtney DID give birth to Mason Dash on last night's episode.  Weddings and babies are always an excuse for tears.)  But, that emotional irrationality seemed to run beyond trashy TV and trickle into today.  Maybe it's hormones.  Maybe it's the fact that today would've been my first anniversary with The Ex.  Maybe it's the fact that I haven't slept well in a week or that I probably failed the CPA exam AGAIN.  Who knows.  It's probably a little of all of that.  To top it all off, I gave Rupert a bath last night (see Thursday's edition of Random's Manifest for details on our skin dilemma), and he hasn't come out from under the bed since.  I'm quite worried at this point... 


But, alas, we all have these days.  They're the days that set back our attempts at optimism and self-growth.  They're the days that make us wish we'd stayed in bed.  And they're the days when we head home to watch Secret Life of the American Teenager (crap - did I actually admit that in a public forum?), because utter and complete stupidity and absurdity is the only cure for emotional unrest.  Chocolate also helps.  And, getting to bed at a decent hour.  I'm thinking 10:00 sounds like a good bedtime for me tonight.  That way I can see Make It or Break It, too... 


As craptabulous as these days may be, I take comfort in the fact that I always seem to get through them.  Always.  They've never killed me - not even close.  They're just bad days.  And they only have as much power over me as I give them.  I also take comfort in the fact that I am only human.  I'm allowed to have bad days, sad days, mad days, or even rad days (yeah, took the rhyming too far, I know).  In the end, they're all just days.  One of the roughly 29,000 that I'm likely to live through.  So, after a good cry, some chocolate, some reallllllly bad TV, and a decent night's sleep, I'm taking my power back from today.  And remembering that tomorrow's another, brand new, super duper, extra fantastic, rocking rad day.  

(But I will take any suggestions you may have on how to get my cat out from under the bed...)     

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Post script: 


Rupert came out from under the bed.  :)  I think he even went downstairs to have a snack.  Whew.  


Also - Can I just say how much I LOVE Hallmark's new line of cards for cheering on your kids??  Moms and Dads out there - go to Hallmark and get a FREE card for your little guys and gals.  I mean, they're free!  I would've absolutely loved to have gotten a card like these from my mom on tough days when I was a kid (hell, let's be honest - I would've loved to have gotten one today!).  What a nice, neat, simple, and FREE thing to do for your little munchkins.  Yay Hallmark!  Salute to you!!

And last - Jen Lancaster IS about to publish a new book!  SOOOO excited!  My Fair Lazy  I already know it's going to be perfect. Woo hoo!!!!!  


What a difference an hour makes.

Somebody to Love

I have been single now for three weeks (counting the week before the actual breakup, during which he "needed time to think", and therefore didn't see me), and I'm still standing. The events, revelations, and epiphanies that have unfolded in the past 21 days have been rather astounding and, for the most part, a source of pride for me. I am proud of myself for realizing what I need for my life, and further for realizing that I wasn't getting it from my relationship. I am proud of myself for finally admitting that I deserve to get what I need, and for walking away from a person who just couldn't give it to me, no matter how hard either of us tried. I am proud of myself for realizing my part in the downward spiral that was my relationship, and for understanding my role in all disastrous relationships past. And, most of all, I am proud of myself for making the decision to address my inner demons, get past them, and learn to love the beautiful person inside (yes, I said beautiful - when describing myself - which is a big step in and of itself).

But, I haven't been the pinnacle of maturity and grace, by any means. I have had moments of weakness and childishness; pettiness and self-loathing. Every day it gets a little better, until it gets a little worse. But then I rally, remember why I walked in the first place, and I forgive myself for my imperfections. I am human, and sometimes, it's just going to be hard. I have to be kind to myself, and give myself time to recover.

For most of my adult life, my theme song has been Queen's Somebody to Love. I've felt like my life would never be complete, or even begin, until I found "The One". I dug my fingernails into every relationship, no matter how bad, and hung on to love for dear life. None of them were right - or even close (though, not always for lack of trying or good intentions). But, nonetheless, I acted as if each and every boyfriend was the last man on Earth, and I'd be forever alone and worthless without him.

I'm happy to report that things have changed. I understand that the next relationship won't necessarily be the last, and that I can be okay on my own either way. Don't get me wrong - I would still love to find my future husband. But, it just isn't the only thing on my mind these days. I'm learning to appreciate the finer things in my life: GREAT friends, family, a decent job, an adorable house, a fantastic education, and unlimited potential. Best of all, I have a clean slate. I can live the rest of my life as anyone I want to be - and that is a confident, independent, loving, motivated woman, and someone who understands that she is just fine - no, FABULOUS - just the way she is.

I've already found my Somebody to Love. She's been there all along. And she is ME.

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Relationship: A Story in Song

Hellogoodbye widget by 6L &

Celine Dion widget by 6L &

All At Once – Fray lyrics text from [lyricsyoulove.com]

Defying Gravity – Glee Cast lyrics text from [lyricsyoulove.com]

Don't Feel Like Cryin'

So, in the words of Whitesnake, "Here I Go Again..."

The only difference? This time, I'm embracing it! There are a lot of things to love about the Single Life. Here are a just a few:

1. I don't have to watch ANY sports! I don't have to pretend to care about football, hockey, tennis, basketball, ANYTHING! And when the Olympics start in a couple of weeks - all I have to watch is Figure Skating, Xtreme Snowboarding, and Ice Dancing. :)
2. I don't have to shave my legs if I don't feel like it.
3. I don't have to set aside time to talk on the phone when I'd really rather be watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
4. For that matter, I can watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians without feeling shame or enduring ridicule.
5. More time to hang with my friends and family.
6. My cat doesn't hate me, because I'm able to give him attention again.
7. I'm free to flirt if I want to, but I certainly don't have to!
8. More time to read, sleep in, study (yeah, right!!), and otherwise improve myself.
9. No meeting his family or pretending to like his friends.
10. No worrying about anybody else's needs, schedule, plans, or obligations. Guilt-free, and ALL ABOUT ME!!!