Trash Talk - Tuesday (on Wednesday)

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Today's (well, yesterday's) topic... 

The Stupid Disguises on Y&R: A Photo Essay

For those of you who are new(ish) to Musical Musings, you may not know that I watch the Young & the Restless - and have religiously since birth.  It's hella stupid, I know, but boy do I love it!  NEVER miss an episode.  


The soap is dumb.  It's supposed to be.  It's unrealistic and crazy and silly and, if taken seriously or over-analyzed, it's insulting to a person of somewhat average intelligence.  This insult is arguably most evident in the writers' pathetic efforts to masquerade its characters when they're spying on one another, stealing trade secrets, or, most commonly, running from the law.  When they can't write in a complete plastic surgery makeover (see this issue of Trash Talk for more on the absurdity of that), they resort to the most clever of disguises! (No sarcasm there at all...)  


Some examples: 


1. This is Sharon: 

Sharon has been accused of murder.  She knocked out her guard in the ladies room and escaped from the courthouse after her conviction.  With the help of her luv-ah Adam, she's now a fugitive on the run.  But, with this foolproof plan, I'm sure NO ONE will ever find her!

Because everybody knows it only takes slutty clothes and hair a shade darker to evade capital murder charges! 

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2.  And, here's Skye: 





Incidentally, this is the woman Sharon has been accused of murdering.  But before she fell down a volcano to her untimely demise, she was already supposed to be dead.  Victor, Skye's (and Sharon's) father-in-law, helped Skye fake her own death and escape to Hawaii.  Since the Newmans are the equivalent of the Trumps in Soap-Land, I'm sure the news of a Newman wife's death would never make it all the way to the islands.  Just in case, though, Skye came up with this killer guise: 





With realistic Heidi braids like these, she's home free!!

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3. Jack is a mainstay of Y&R.  He's been on it since the beginning of time.  This is Jack on a typical day:




Jack flew to Hawaii (to find Skye).  Knowing that he'd be recognized by Victor's strategically-placed lackeys if he went as himself, he chose to portray a middle-aged surfer/drifter: 

Because, I guess if he gets some salt water in his hair and says "dude" enough, he's basically a whole different person... 

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4. Across town, and unrelated to the Sharon/Skye/Victor/Jack debacle, Jana, who normally looks like this: 

Is up to all kinds of no good.  She's decided to find her ex-hubby's niece - who she suspects has been sold to a black-market baby broker - in a pathetic attempt to win him back. (OMG - I am realizing how ridiculous this show really is, seeing the plot-lines in writing...)  So, she goes "undercover" (read, fake baby belly and a crappy accent) to meet the kiddie-dealer:

And then again to investigate a suspicious bank account number: 

I know I'm fooled!

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(Sorry the spacing is all messed up.  I really don't have the patience to fix the HTML right now.) 


5. Suspicious of Jana's wacky behavior, Chloe and Gloria: 


  


Decide to partake in a little breaking & entering to sift through Jana's belongings for clues.  

      













C'mon, what good lawbreaker's wardrobe doesn't include a stealthy cat-suit??  I mean, you just KNOW you're getting caught without one!

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6. Last, but CERTAINLY not least, is Adam: 





Adam is THE BEST at disguises!!  


This is Sabrina - Victor's late wife: 





Here is Adam - playing the dead Sabrina: 

Uncanny, isn't it?!?!?!  Convincing enough to drive Ashley (the blond in the first picture) to the mental institution, anyway! 

But, even better than his Sabrina get-up is Adam's affinity for baseball caps and sunglasses.  It seems that this convicted murderer, forger, fugitive, perjurer, and all-around stand-up guy need only don his favorite hat, a pair of sunglasses, or maybe some strategically-placed flowers to get away with - well - any of the aforementioned crimes: 

   


Adam - for your ingenuity and remarkable effectiveness, we salute you!!  And to the writers of Y&R?  Maybe you SHOULD quit your day jobs... 

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I Woke Up In Love This Morning

My pal Katie over at Words By Katie did an entry the other day that was one of those "A Little Bit About Me" things.  It was short, to the point, and comprised of ten innocuous questions.  (And incidentally, I did learn a lot of new, fun things about Katie.)  At the end of this post, Katie indirectly challenged me (and all of her other readers) to complete the same quiz.  Don't worry though, you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief.  In the interest of limited disclosure, I'm not going to answer those ten questions.  

Well, with the exception of Question 8...

8. Who is your biggest celebrity crush?

This question caught my eye because this was Katie's response: 

Um...YUM!!!!!!!!!

Katie's a sports fanatic, so she knows who this is (some football player or something?).  I do not.  What I do know, though, is that he is FINE.  And surrounded by tack, which means he rides horses.  That's my kinda man, ladies! (And gents, of course.) 

But he's not my ONLY kinda man, OH NO!!  As wishy-washy as I am about everything else (see my "About Me" for my lists of "Favorite" things - I can NEVER pick just one!!), you didn't really think I'd have just one single celebrity crush now, did you?  

So, in no particular order, here are some of the Hollywood Hotties who make me melt like a popscicle on the 4th of July...

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George Clooney

If you put a gun to my head and said I absolutely had to pick A favorite, it'd be him.  Political views and womanizing ways aside, this is my DREAM MAN.  Ever since his days as Booker on Roseanne and that guy on Facts of Life, I've been in love.  Sigh... <3 <3 <3

Favorite Flick: Toss-up between O' Brother Where Art Thou and Up in the Air.  Oh yeah - and Ocean's Eleven.  

Mmmm.... 

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James Marsters 

I used to be a die-hard member of Team Angel (and don't get me wrong, David Boreanaz is still GORGEOUS), but somewhere between Season 4 and Season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I fell for Spike.  Maybe it's the bad-boy thing.  Maybe it's the fact that he consistently made me laugh my ass off.  Maybe it's the fact that he's sexy as hell.  Maybe it's all of that.  Regardless, he's right up there on the list.  

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Paul Walker 

I admit, I've only seen Paul in the Fast & Furious films, but with eyes like those?  That was enough! 

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Justin Timberlake

Anyone who's ever actually read this blog probably knows how much I adore Justin Timberlake.  Yeah, he's pretty frickin' adorable, but what gets me is that he possesses my most favoritest quality in big-time star - he can make fun of himself.  Need proof?  Watch a couple of the videos posted under "Absolute Hilarity" (to your right).                      Favorite Role: Since I haven't seen Social Network yet, I'm going with Cup O' Soup.  Or maybe DD Implant.  Or Hip-Hop kid... 

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John Stamos 

Don't even try to deny it - Uncle Jesse was HOT.  Well, sans mullet anyway.  Nowadays?  Damn... (Catch him on gLee every now and then.  Tuesdays, 8pm EST)

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Taylor Kitsch

Before he was the scrumptious Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, the eye-candy to your left was an Abercrombie model.  'Nuf said.

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Shemar Moore 

I love him on Criminal Minds, but before he was Derek Morgan, he was the original, Oh-So-Fine, Malcolm Winters on the Young & the Restless.   And that, my dear fans, is how I choose to remember him.  (Perhaps because they replaced him with Family Matters' Eddie Winslow (Darius McCrary) who is just God-awful.  You just can't replace Shemar...) 

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And speaking of the soap...

The Men of Y&R

Greg Rikaart - The lovable trouble-maker of Geona City - Kevin Fisher.  Always brings comic relief and an adorable smile.  I wish he was straight in real life. :( 

Christian LeBlanc - Like Greg, Christian's patented facial expressions and witty retorts keep viewers chuckling.  And ironically? Christian plays Kevin Fisher's half-brother, Michael Baldwin.  But, sadly?  Rumor has it he's gay, too.  Aren't all the good ones?  

Joshua Morrow - Despite some questionable hair decision (both of the head and facial variety), Nick Newman is a hunk.  I don't think any fans would disagree. 












Billy Miller - I fall more in love with Billy Abbot every day.  Hard not to when he looks like that!  (And is adorable, funny, and mischievous as they come...) 

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Well guys and gals, I'm hitting the hay.  For those of you that are into this sort of thing, sweet dreams of all of these delicious treats! 

Love and Rockets, 

SS

Trash Talk Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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So, it's 11:24 and I have to get up at 5:45 to leave Destination A, and haul ass to Destination B for all-day meetings.  And, I have roughly 3 hours of work left tonight.  Hmm...

Needless to say -- keeping it brief. 

Today's Topic: Look Alikes on Y&R

My soap is lame.  It's the least lame of soaps, though, to be perfectly honest.  And yes, I know that isn't saying much.  While I am totally addicted to this garbage, and will probably watch it to the grave, it does piss me off from time to time.  What has really chapped my hide as of late is the need that the producers/writers/directors have to run the same, stupid storyline/plot twist OVER AND OVER again.  The particular storyline to which I'm referring - people with the EXACT same face as someone else. 

Off the top of my head, I remember it starting with Sheila Carter.  Shelia originally looked like this: 

Meanwhile, this is Phyllis Newman: 

Phyllis is best friends with Lauren Fenmore Baldwin: 

Who just so happens to be Sheila's arch-nemesis.  

Sheila does a bunch of terrible things to Lauren, blah, blah, blah, and disappears for what everyone assumes will be forever.  Never assume people.  You just make an ass out of u and me.

Of course, Sheila comes back to Genoa City after her presumed death, only she looks like this: 

Which makes it real easy to get to Lauren, since Lauren of course thinks she's Phyllis - her BFF.  (Incidentally, it also saves the show's creators a pretty chunk of change, as now only one actor - Michelle Stafford - needs to be paid for two roles.)  Lauren eventually realizes Phyllis has a dopelganger though, and shoots the fake Phyllis/real Sheila.  In the conservatory.  With the revolver.  Sheila dies.  Maybe... 

A couple of years later, we meet Mary Jane Benson: 

A lovely PR rep who goes after Y&R flagship Jack Abbott with the jaws of life.  Is it just me, or is there something off about MJ?  Nope - it isn't just me.  She's actually Patty Williams!: 

Patty was Jack's wife a million years ago, but she went crazy and tried to kill him.  But now she's back from the psych ward to snag her man!  If she kills a few people in the process, no big!  Until her psychiatrist Emily Peterson shows up to save the day... 

Hmm... She looks familiar...  

Turns out, Patty admired the good Doc so much, she stole her face.  And when Jackie-poo falls in love with Emily and marries her, Patty busts out of the joint (or padded cell, in this case), pulls a switcharoo with dear Emily, and once again becomes Mrs. Jack Abbott.  Funny how the men on this show never seem to realize that, although the face might look the same, they're screwing an entirely different person.  I mean, does a facial reconstruction come with a full-body makeover and reshaping?  Not to mention the voices...  Even their birthmarks would have to be the same!

Tired of this game yet?  Yeah - me too.  But, apparently the writers aren't!

Patty's still on the rampage and nobody knows it.  And, I think she may have it out for Phyllis (who, incidentally is Jack's ex)...

Regardless, somebody is terrorizing Lauren now.  Remember Lauren?: 

She and Jana (love Jana!) have been kidnapped and are being held hostage by none other than Shelia's sister, Sarah Smythe: 

Confused?  Join the club.  Sick of this?  YOU BETCHA.  

Y&R - if you can't afford two actresses for two roles, then JUST KEEP IT AT ONE ROLE!  Do NOT keep duplicating faces!  Seriously.  If it were that easy, we'd all look like this: 

Or this: 

Or this: 

Wouldn't that be nice??  

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Well - now that I've visually scrambled your brains, I shall take my leave.  Have a wonderful rest of your  Trashy Tuesday.  

K$

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

Ta Da!!!  It's time again for RANDOM THOUGHTS!!!  YAY!!!!!!!  I know you're as excited as I am!! 

 

STARVING

Everyone knows that nothing makes you want to do something like being told you can't.  Eating?  No exception. I'm on a fast for a medical procedure tomorrow.  Haven't been able to eat since midnight.  Still have 20 hours to go.  I'm about to keel over.  

There have been plenty of days when I have plain forgotten to eat.  Didn’t feel like this!  Just being told that I can’t have food has made it the central focus of ALL of my thoughts.  I. WANT. FOOD.  So much food.  Hamburgers and fries and shakes and sushi and pizza and ice cream and marshmallows and pop tarts… Anything.  This fruit pie staring at me right now?  I’d eat its cardboard box at this point.  However will I make it to noon tomorrow??  Sigh…

The Bitch is Back

Yes, only the BITCH from the CPA Exam Board could turn the most amazing news into a total pain in my ass.  No congratulations whatsoever for passing Financial.  Rather, I get a curt email informing me that the Board has approved my request for additional time on the remaining section (yay!), followed VERY quickly by another email saying SYKE! – they won’t give me more time without more information (BOO!).  I told her to forget the whole damn thing and give me my Notice to Schedule for the final section.  And, I also indicated that I would NOT be okay with her keeping the $300 she already charged to my credit card to reschedule the section I passed.  I know for a fact she is going to say I shouldn’t have jumped the gun and assumed I would need to retake it, and that she has every right to keep that money.  Not like they don’t already have enough of my money – seeing as I’ve sunk approximately $5,000 into testing fees. 

Normally I reserve my animosity and harassing tendencies for the cable company.  But, I think my focus should shift to the Bitch for a while.  As soon as I pass the last section, I think I will make a hobby of ruining her life, much like she’s ruined mine.  Won’t that be fun?

Want to eat my own arm right now…

The Soap

My name is Kristen, and I’m a Y&R addict.

I admit, I have a problem.  I’ve invested roughly 31 years in the CBS daytime drama, the Young and the Restless.  LITERALLY watching since birth.  And I ask myself -EVERY DAY – why?  This show is insane, and I’m embarrassed that it’s an integral part of my daily life.  All shame aside - a couple of quick requests to the writers/producers:

1. PLEASE go ahead and reveal that “Mama Bear” is Sheila.  And, from the sounds of it, she now has Lauren’s face.  We all know where this lame and overdone storyline is going.  Let’s get this over with…
2. Get rid of Ashley.  Eileen Davidson is NOT a good actress.  She’s proven this in recent weeks.  Get a new one!
3. Billy and Victoria – Thank goodness they finally did it and got it over with.  Now, let’s get those two together for real.  Finally – a couple with chemistry!
4. Lily really needs some better wigs.
5. PLEASE tell Jack that Summer is his.  This is ridiculous.

 

I hope that old lady is okay

When I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my “prep kit” for my procedure tomorrow, a little old lady fell in the parking lot.  I, of course, (being a human being and all – and not Satan) ran to her assistance.  She swore she was okay, but I’m not sure.  She was pretty shaky.  I remember when that sort of thing used to happen to my Granny.  Scares the crap out of me.  I sure hope she’s okay.  Say a little prayer for her…

SOOOOOOOO Hungry….

Hot in the City

So, we all know I’m pretty psyched for spring.  However, I do find it odd that the high today is 85, and tomorrow, it’s 88.  It’s April.  I sure hope this isn’t a sign that our summer will be as dramatic as the winter was…

Bitchy Update

As I’ve been writing this, I heard back from the Bitch on my two [rather forceful] requests.  Yes, she will go ahead and send my Notice to Schedule.  And YES – she will refund the fees.  THANK GOODNESS.  I really didn’t want to have to wait for her in a dark alley with a baseball bat…

Chicken!  Grab hold of that table floating by and drift to safety!

Chicken is under water in Rhode Island!  Oh no!  Our horrible storms from last weekend made their way up to the northeast.  Chicken – I hope there’s no damage!  And, keep the frogs as pets.  They’re so cute!  And you know littleb would love that!   

Alright crazy kids – I’m off to starve some more, and do a little work for a while.  Cross your fingers that I survive this miserable procedure.  And that I can remember there are people who are actually starving in this world, and I am a gigantic spoiled bratty baby. 

Holla!  (Still sounds weird coming from me…)