The following ramblings are based on real-life experiences, mishaps, and downright screw-ups. Names (of past, present, and future boyfriends) have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent. And the guilty...

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

The Bitch Is Back

Wow, Gentle Readers. It certainly has been a while. I'm not even going to begin to explain all that has happened in the last SEVEN years - I shall only say that I lost my creativity somewhere along the way. But, I want to get it back. I've delved into photography and drawing recently and I'm not too bad at either, but my original love is for the written. The only way I will find my mojo again is to just start putting pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard, as it were. And I plan to go back through my blog posts of  yore to see if that will spark some inspiration. And if I can remember how to use Blogger, I may even update some of the MANY broken links I see have developed... 

Blogging is a lost art. And by lost, I mean that America has lost interest in it. With Twitter and Snapchat and Insta-stories, you can get everyone's thoughts on everything in a split second. I admit, I do embrace a Social Media outlet or two, but I am a bit more old-fashioned than all that. I value the narrative over the blurb, and think that some ramblings deserve more than a mere 280 characters. For instance, this rant on aging that I shall now commence:

WTF, people? When? Why? How?

One day, people still think I'm in my late twenties. And the next - and I mean OVERNIGHT - I am three measly months shy of my *cough, cough - heart palpitations - cough* FORTIETH birthday and find myself falling apart.

Where did that gray hair come from? And that one? And the one over there?!? And when did my eyes start to look like bird feet?? And when did my chest start to take on the appearance of that gift bag filler I shoved in my mom's birthday present?

Oh, and the biggest question of all: WHERE DID I GET ALL THESE CHINS?!?!?!?!

And don't for a minute think that all these new karmic bitch-slaps came with a reprieve on the acne. OH NO. I have ADULT acne, now!! It's even more awesome because you can't just burn it off with that OTC Clearasil you've used for decades anymore. OH NO. NOW you have to figure out how to balance detoxification with moisturizing and clarifying and hormone regulating. For the love of all that is holy, getting old sucks.

ESPECIALLY if you're an old WOMAN. Stupid men just look distinguished. And somehow get even hotter. Points in case?  


is now 




now looks like


Rat bastards.

Meanwhile I now look like...


Except, add a few more pounds to that midsection there. 

It ain't right, I tell you! It just ain't right. What did I ever do to you, Universe?? 

Damn you, Eve, for eating that blasted apple. You started all this. 


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Saved By the Bell - Saturday

Howdy, folks!  Sorry I've been so sporadic lately.  It's been a crazy time in the life of your Song Master.  Part of what's made my day-to-day so nutty is the start of concert season!  Yay!!!  Seven lined up so far this summer, starting with Panic! at the Disco last night, and James Taylor tonight.  (Did I mention that I'm a "contradiction in every way"?)  Last night's show was a date with NewB and some pals and tonight's was a date with dear old Dad (our 3rd time seeing the original JT together).  

My friend Timmy, one of those pals who accompanied me to Panic! last night, reminded me of one of the most classic of all SBTB episodes EVER the other day.  Since it kind of fits in with the start of concert season, I thought we'd take a look back to the "Rockumentary" episode in the this week's installment of SBTB Saturday!  Woot!

Remember Zack's kick-ass band? 

They were so uber talented! It's terrifying to think we almost lost them to their petty spats, egomania, and power plays. 

(Can't exactly remember why Screech is dressed like some kind of priest...)

But, as Kasey Kasem so brilliantly divulged in Zack's elaborate daydream/fantasy/imaginary Behind The Music installment, fame was almost too much to handle for our blonde heartthrob. (As was that trashy pedophile manager of his...  Stay tuned - one of these days I'll actually get around to posting the SBTB Saturday edition on age-inappropriate relationships that's been floating around my head since the theme's inception.) 

Thank goodness the Bayside High gang learned a valuable lesson on standing by your besties and getting back to your roots (i.e. The Max),   

otherwise, we might not ever have been graced with this little ditty:  

"Friends forever" Zack Attack
Tags: "Friends forever" Zack Attack

"Friends Forever.  It's a nice idea."  

Side note - "Rockumentary" wasn't the first time we were introduced to the "Friends Forever" sentiment.  Remember "The Friendship Business"?  When, for a class project, the gang sells friendship bracelets?  Only, Zack again gets a little greedy (common theme in SBTB), forcing Jessie, Kelly, and Slater to come up with the even awesomer "Buddy Bands".  In case you forgot: 

You can thank me later for that one.  

(Don't worry, though.  They realize in the end that working together -and "Luv Cuffs" - are the way to go.)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Every Picture Tells A Story

My, Oh My, peeps - has this been a crazy couple of weeks!  (That almost rhymes.)  I thought about debriefing you all on the myriad of events that have taken place since I posted my masterful mixes last week, but then I realized I'd prefer it if you all kept reading my blog.  I still want to tell my story, but I figure since the average blog reader has the blogging attention span of a pre-schooler (or, maybe that's just me), it might be more entertaining to tell my story in pictures.  You can interpret them how you like: 

(Oh, I will tell you that the GORGEOUS baby boy is my new nephew Logan - born last Thursday.  He's perfect!)

(And - some of these pictures come right out of email conversations between NewB and me, which often contain funny images that sum up our goings on.)

(Disclaimer: All of the following images are stolen from other sites.  Thanks to Allie at Hyperbole & a Half and all the others from whom NewB and I pilfered.)


(I half expected to see this guy pop out from some dark corner:) 


Blah, I am just terrible today…


Figure 2: Life worth living
Figure 3: Soul crushing disappointment

My favorite part.



I’m guessing figure 2 is me and you and figure 3 is just you now?

Here’s a couple for you J

The End. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Mixed Tape - Parts I-IV

So, this is a music blog.  And a humor blog and a trash talk blog and a bitchy blog, but mostly a music blog.  I am obsessed with music.  Duh.  Since I was born with a terrible voice and absolutely no hand-eye coordination or music-reading capabilities, my hopes for musical ability have manifested in an uncanny gift for creating the perfect compilation CD.  (In my humble opinion, that is, and for what it's worth.)  For instance, I created a string of mixes for my sister that spanned 19 discs and roughly 360 songs.  Since her music repertoire now consists primarily of the Fresh Beat Band and Yo Gabba Gabba (remember - she's about to burst with her third little rugrat), I decided my mixes for her were probably going to waste.  So, for 2011, I have decided to create one mix per month (and sometimes two), purely for personal consumption.  These tend to be completed around the middle to the end of the month and generally consist of 18-19 choice tunes.

I have decided the that by not sharing my fantastic selections with you, fair readers, I have been doing you a great disservice.  As such, I have created a new series of entries entitled "The Mixed Tape" (as you can plainly read), through which I will impart my genius on you all.  You may like my taste or you may hate it - though I don't see how!  But hopefully, if nothing else, you might find some inspiration to investigate new bands and sounds.  Enjoy!

(PS - Songs in bold are my most favoritest right now.)

(PPS - A lot of this year's mixes have been inspired by Big Love, which has a KILLER soundtrack.  Down the road I will provide you with the song list from the entire series.  You're welcome in advance.)

Part I - January: Happy Birthday to Me!!

  1. Home - Engineers 
  2. Letters from the Sky - Civil Twilight 
  3. Wordless Chorus - My Morning Jacket 
  4. The Fallout - O.A.R. 
  5. Chasing Pavements - Adele 
  6. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - The Postal Service 
  7. I'd Rather Be With You - Joshua Radin 
  8. Fidelity - Regina Spektor 
  9. Moth's Wings - Passion Pit 
  10. Flying Horses - Dispatch 
  11. Seven Days in Sunny June - Jamiroquai 
  12. Sugar We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
  13. Take Your Mama - Scissor Sisters 
  14. Strict Machine - Goldfrapp 
  15. Misery Business - Paramore 
  16. Little Bird - Annie Lennox 
  17. Stay Young - We the Kings 
  18. Strictly Game - Harlem Shakes 
  19. Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti & Spearhead

Part II - February: Love Stinks!  (though I'm not feeling that way so much these days...) 

  1. Save Me - Remy Zero 
  2. Skips - Alexz Johnson 
  3. Airplanes - B.o.B. & Eminem 
  4. Leap of Faith - Sanctus Real 
  5. Laid - James 
  6. Touch Me I'm Going to Scream, Pt. 2 - My Morning Jacket 
  7. Twilight Serenade - Jason Myles Goss 
  8. Lay Down (Candles in the Rain) - Melanie 
  9. A Love Song - Anne Murray 
  10. Half of My Heart - John Mayer 
  11. Silly Love Songs - Glee Cast 
  12. The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A. - Donna Fargo 
  13. Glass of Water - Coldplay 
  14. Black & Gold - Sam Sparro 
  15. Lights Out - Santogold 
  16. Thriller/Heads Will Roll - Glee Cast 
  17. DJ Got Us Falling in Love - Usher 
  18. I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty 
  19. Your Easy Lovin' Ain't Pleasin' Nothin' - Mayer Hawthorne 

Part II(a) - February: Kick Its Ass! - A Mix for the Bar Exam

  1. Lose Yourself - Eminem 
  2. Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 
  3. Uprising - Muse 
  4. Me Against the Music - Glee Cast 
  5. New Shoes - Paolo Nutini 
  6. Down - Jay Sean 
  7. Dynamite - Taio Cruz 
  8. Lisztomania - Phoenix 
  9. The Real Slim Shady - Eminem 
  10. Little Bird - Annie Lennox 
  11. Tik Tok - Ke$ha
  12. Firework - Katy Perry 
  13. Club Can't Handle Me - Flo Rida 
  14. Life is a Show - Cassie Steele 
  15. Raise Your Glass - Pink 

Part III - March: March MAD-Ness 

  1. Sing - Glee Cast 
  2. Scott Mescudi vs. The World - Kid Cudi 
  3. Naturally - Matt Wertz 
  4. Dead Flowers - Miranda Lambert 
  5. The Cave - Mumford & Sons 
  6. Help Yourself - Sad Brad Smith 
  7. Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch 
  8. Turn Back Around - Lucy Schwartz 
  9. Your Protector - Fleet Foxes 
  10. Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen 
  11. Right Me Up - State Radio 
  12. Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise - The Avett Brothers 
  13. Say - John Mayer 
  14. My Mirror Speaks - Death Cab for Cutie 
  15. The High Road - Broken Bells 
  16. Cosmic Love - Florence & the Machine 
  17. Ambling Alp - Yeasayer 
  18. Animal - Neon Trees 
  19. Daylight - Matt & Kim 
  20. John Saw That Number - Neko Case 

Part IV - April: April's Fool 

  1. Pretty the World - Matt Nathanson 
  2. What is Mine - O.A.R. 
  3. Roll Away Your Stone - Mumford & Sons 
  4. Middle of Nowhere - Hot Hot Heat 
  5. Fall With You - Vic Kingsley 
  6. Pony - Ashley Monroe 
  7. One Red Thread - Blind Pilot 
  8. City of Black & White - Mat Kearney 
  9. Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes 
  10. I Feel It All - Feist 
  11. The General - Dispatch 
  12. Wash Away - Joe Purdy 
  13. Rise - Eddie Vedder 
  14. Cult Logic - Miike Snow 
  15. Modern Man - Arcade Fire 
  16. See the Light - The Hours 
  17. Faster - Matt Nathanson 
  18. Life is Life - Noah and the Whale 
  19. Love Always Remains - MGMT 

Part IV(a) - April: Gone Country 

  1. If I Die Young - The Band Perry 
  2. Better Life - Keith Urban 
  3. Love Like Crazy - Lee Brice 
  4. Suds in the Bucket - Sara Evans
  5. In a Real Love - Phil Vassar  
  6. Bones - Little Big Town 
  7. Put You in a Song - Keith Urban 
  8. I Don't Have to Be Me 'Til Monday - Steve Azar 
  9. These Days - Rascal Flatts 
  10. Me and Charlie Talkin' - Miranda Lambert 
  11. Dixie Chicken - Little Feat 
  12. Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band 
  13. Dust on the Bottle - David Lee Murphy 
  14. Fly Away - Sugarland 
  15. Love is a Beautiful Thing - Phil Vassar 
  16. Meet in the Middle - Diamond Rio 
  17. Somebody Like You - Keith Urban 
  18. Mayberry - Rascal Flatts 
  19. Red Light - David Nail
  20. Little White Church - Little Big Town 

Monday, May 9, 2011

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

Well, this whole diet thing has been a bust.  I had resigned to give up but then NewB started using words like "cruise" and "Bahamas", which conjured up images of "bikinis" and "cocktail dresses".  So, it's back on, peeps!

Weekly updates to follow...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Tell Me Why - Wednesday

This is more like it: 

Monday, May 2, 2011

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

  Better this week, but barely... 

Weight: -0.1 lbs
Times Exercised (If you count the two days of yard-work I did, which, I do...): 2
Days I Tracked Points: 0 
Splurges: A lot 

To give myself credit, I had to overcome some outstanding obstacles this week in order to NOT balloon up like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.  And, so as to rationalize my paltry performance (at least to myself), I shall regale you with the list of those obstacles: 

Odds Defied; Week Five:

1. I was traveling again for work.  To the extraordinarily depressing town of Reading, PA.  
2. In said hell-hole I found an incredible little diner that served a delightful French Combo.  Brie omelet with pumpkin bread French Toast?  Yes, please!
3. I got sworn into the State Bar (yay, me!) and celebrated over a Melting Pot feast. 
4. I drank YET ANOTHER Chick-fil-a milkshake while running errands.  (Hmm... I guess this doesn't really count as a defied odd, but rather a flat-out failure...) 
5. I was insanely tired.  
6. New Boy (we shall call him, NewB) is quite distracting.
7. So is really crappy TV.

Yet, despite my ridiculous caloric intake, infinite distractions, and intense level of sleep deprivation, I still managed to lose! Imagine what I could do if I actually put my mind to it... 


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