Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)

Yeah, so, I'm a newly single, and freshly bitter 30-something. I think there's a law stating that I have to publish a post bashing "Single Awareness Day" (more commonly known as Valentine's Day. I can't even THINK those words without wanting to puke).

I was excited to spend today with my adorable nephew, but he and I are both sick. Me, with a cold, and him with a stomach bug and 104 fever. With the dreaded CPA exam in just a few days, I can't risk it...

So, it's just me and the itchy kitty today. And my CPA exam study guide. And some chocolates (well, not really, since I already ate them all). Since I really do have to get to studying, I'm going to have to keep it short. So, I thought I'd share some quick stories of some of my better Valentine's Day letdowns...

1. I Picked Up A Shift guy. So, it was my first V-day with a real, long-term boyfriend, and I was SO excited about it. I really wanted the night to be special. I had made this pretty damn clear in the weeks leading up to the big day, so I didn't think there was a chance in the world my boyfriend would let me down. Um, WRONG! Last minute, as I'm primping for what I hoped would be my most romantic date yet, I get the call that the idiot has picked up a shift at work. Not that he HAD to work, but that he VOLUNTEERED to work. What an asshole! We exchanged gifts in the parking lot of his stupid restaurant while he was on his break. Swoon.

2. Lingerie guy. I'd been going out with this guy for about a month. He was very nice, and successful, and treated me pretty well. But, there wasn't all that much chemistry (read none) between us. I thought maybe this time the guy wouldn't screw it up, like last time, so I was really excited about the big night. I still lived at home at this point, and my sister was home, too. LG came to pick me up for our big night out, only to inform me that he hadn't actually gotten around to making reservations. My sister's current boyfriend was there too, thank goodness, and helped idiot LG pull something together last minute. So, with my grocery store roses and a wrapped present, we were off to dinner (albeit very late, and very rushed at this point). Dinner was fine. Not exactly what either of us wanted, but it'd do. After dinner, I got to open my mystery present. Inside - a push-up bra and black negligee. I looked at LG in bewilderment. "Well, it's been a month or so, and I kind of thought..." He kind of thought wrong. I never wore the negligee...

3. Off to a Foreign Country guy. Well, I can't get too pissy about this one. He WAS going on a mission trip, after all. But still. V-Day spent packing him up and getting him to the airport. The tulips that he had delivered to his place didn't make it in time because the driver got lost, and I had to go hang out outside his house after his plane took off, waiting for the delivery guy to actually show up. Spent the evening alone. But at least with some pretty flowers.

4. The Dumpers. Yep, there's more than 1. I've been dumped in the week or two before V-Day something like 4 times. Cheap bastards. 'Nuf said.

5. The Ex. He was already building up to a huge letdown for V-Day ("I don't 'do' Valentine's Day"). So, I would've been disappointed today even if I wasn't alone.

There are others, but I'll stop there. Needless to say, V-Day isn't my favorite national holiday. To this date, whether single or not, I have never had a good Valentine's Day experience. It's kind of like New Year's. You go into it with expectations that it'll be a fantastic night, and it turns out to be a total drag. So, I've stopped expecting anything on this day. It's just another day, but one on which I can at least ingest tons of chocolate sans guilt, and overtly hate on men. Hmm... Maybe today has some redeeming qualities after all...

So, tell me Single Ladies (and not-single ladies, and guys) -- What's your worst/funniest V-Day story? And how are you coping with "Black Sunday"?

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Musical Tribute to the Big Day (Gag me.):





And because I have to:

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One Last Story:

If any guys are reading at this point,

One of my favorite V-Day stories that I didn't include above:

13 years old. Valentine's Day. White jeans, red and white striped shirt. For the first time ever I get that visitor that pops in on all girls about this time in their lives. Luckily, I hadn't left for school yet. I can still hear my mom shouting, as I clamored up the stairs, "Don't stomp! You'll just make it heavier!"

That V-Day will live in infamy...

Somebody's Watching Me

So, in a moment of weakness/sadness - immediately post-breakup - I had the bright idea of joining Match.com. Sound crazy? Yeah, probably. But, I did it for two reasons: 1. I needed to remind myself that there ARE, in fact, plenty of other fish in the sea; and 2. nothing strokes a bruised ego quite like a barrage of virtual "winks" and emailed pick-up lines. My Match profile definitely served those two purposes, but two days and over 1,000 profile views into it, I remembered why I hate that site.

If you decide to online date (as many people do these days), really think about how many people you are comfortable with having the ability to view your profile. You have two privacy selections in Match, and they are either to completely hide your profile, or to completely expose it. You can block certain users, but that usually doesn't become an option until the trouble's already started.

Point in case - I was matched with a self-proclaimed "Bachelor", who was pushing 40 and had never been married. I'm not really one to talk on that point, so I figured I wouldn't judge. Yet. He seemed nice enough, at first, but one email into our interaction and he was asking for my number, and had given me his. Call me old-fashioned, but if I'm taking the online plunge, I want to take it SLOWLY. That's one of the greatest advantages of this medium of social networking. You have plenty of time to decide if the guy's a psycho BEFORE you give him (or inadvertently divulge via caller ID) any information that could indicate where you live, where you work, or what your last name might be. The first request, I didn't acknowledge. Instead of calling him, I simply wrote an email back, responding to the questions and comments in his prior email. He responded to that by telling me he hates email (um, why are you online dating then?), and would rather call me. I told him, very nicely, that while I was interested in continuing communications with him, I would rather hold off on the phone calls, and just email for a while. I was quite surprised at his reaction. Instead of indulging - no, RESPECTING - my very polite and reasonable request, he basically stated that he was not amenable to that arrangement, and I should just block my number and call him, if I were worried about my privacy and security. Well, this kind of weirded me out (Why is this guy so obsessed with getting me on the phone? And what's so darn difficult about sending a couple of emails?), and it seemed pretty frickin' pushy to me. Since I was already turned off by the whole Match process altogether at that point, I decided to take the mature and responsible route and just never respond to him again. Surely, he'd just go away.

Or not... Relentless much?? He has since emailed me four or five times (in a matter of days) - at one point going so far as to ask if I had been abducted by aliens or run off with Brad Pitt. Seriously. I know I'm not a mind-reader by any means, and I understand that guys can be particularly dense sometimes, but WHAT THE HECK? What would make this guy think that I am even remotely interested at this point, or that his behavior is even somewhat un-crazy? And further, for a guy who supposedly hates emailing, he sure has that whole electronic stalker thing down pat! I think I now know why he's a 40-year-old bachelor...

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So, to celebrate all the crazies in this world, and the fact that - clearly - I am one HELLUVA catch, a lyrical and musical salute:

Here's to you Bachelor Bill!

Clay Aiken on 6Lyrics.com

And Just For Jill...

Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.

You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,

They're like,"Alright"What ya saying,

"Yeah can I take your digits?"

And you're like, "no not in a million years,

you're nasty. Please leave me alone."

- Lily Allen, Knock 'Em Out

Have a special stalker in your life? Click HERE for a list of the top ten stalker songs!

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A Post-Script: I have since cancelled my Match subscription. I hid my profile after about three days. The very second - and I mean, INSTANTLY - I would try to un-hide it (so I could see my matches), the aforementioned Creepy McCreeperson would email, or a couple of other particularly forward guys would repeatedly message me. I guess they have no jobs and can just monitor profile activity all day?? So, I'm done. Back to relishing The Single Life for this girl.

What do you guys think?

Am I overreacting?

How would my readers out there feel about having over 1,000 people view their profiles in 2 days?

And what would you have said to Bachelor Bill?

Discuss...

Somebody to Love

I have been single now for three weeks (counting the week before the actual breakup, during which he "needed time to think", and therefore didn't see me), and I'm still standing. The events, revelations, and epiphanies that have unfolded in the past 21 days have been rather astounding and, for the most part, a source of pride for me. I am proud of myself for realizing what I need for my life, and further for realizing that I wasn't getting it from my relationship. I am proud of myself for finally admitting that I deserve to get what I need, and for walking away from a person who just couldn't give it to me, no matter how hard either of us tried. I am proud of myself for realizing my part in the downward spiral that was my relationship, and for understanding my role in all disastrous relationships past. And, most of all, I am proud of myself for making the decision to address my inner demons, get past them, and learn to love the beautiful person inside (yes, I said beautiful - when describing myself - which is a big step in and of itself).

But, I haven't been the pinnacle of maturity and grace, by any means. I have had moments of weakness and childishness; pettiness and self-loathing. Every day it gets a little better, until it gets a little worse. But then I rally, remember why I walked in the first place, and I forgive myself for my imperfections. I am human, and sometimes, it's just going to be hard. I have to be kind to myself, and give myself time to recover.

For most of my adult life, my theme song has been Queen's Somebody to Love. I've felt like my life would never be complete, or even begin, until I found "The One". I dug my fingernails into every relationship, no matter how bad, and hung on to love for dear life. None of them were right - or even close (though, not always for lack of trying or good intentions). But, nonetheless, I acted as if each and every boyfriend was the last man on Earth, and I'd be forever alone and worthless without him.

I'm happy to report that things have changed. I understand that the next relationship won't necessarily be the last, and that I can be okay on my own either way. Don't get me wrong - I would still love to find my future husband. But, it just isn't the only thing on my mind these days. I'm learning to appreciate the finer things in my life: GREAT friends, family, a decent job, an adorable house, a fantastic education, and unlimited potential. Best of all, I have a clean slate. I can live the rest of my life as anyone I want to be - and that is a confident, independent, loving, motivated woman, and someone who understands that she is just fine - no, FABULOUS - just the way she is.

I've already found my Somebody to Love. She's been there all along. And she is ME.

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Relationship: A Story in Song

Hellogoodbye widget by 6L &

Celine Dion widget by 6L &

All At Once – Fray lyrics text from [lyricsyoulove.com]

Defying Gravity – Glee Cast lyrics text from [lyricsyoulove.com]

Don't Feel Like Cryin'

So, in the words of Whitesnake, "Here I Go Again..."

The only difference? This time, I'm embracing it! There are a lot of things to love about the Single Life. Here are a just a few:

1. I don't have to watch ANY sports! I don't have to pretend to care about football, hockey, tennis, basketball, ANYTHING! And when the Olympics start in a couple of weeks - all I have to watch is Figure Skating, Xtreme Snowboarding, and Ice Dancing. :)
2. I don't have to shave my legs if I don't feel like it.
3. I don't have to set aside time to talk on the phone when I'd really rather be watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
4. For that matter, I can watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians without feeling shame or enduring ridicule.
5. More time to hang with my friends and family.
6. My cat doesn't hate me, because I'm able to give him attention again.
7. I'm free to flirt if I want to, but I certainly don't have to!
8. More time to read, sleep in, study (yeah, right!!), and otherwise improve myself.
9. No meeting his family or pretending to like his friends.
10. No worrying about anybody else's needs, schedule, plans, or obligations. Guilt-free, and ALL ABOUT ME!!!