The following ramblings are based on real-life experiences, mishaps, and downright screw-ups. Names (of past, present, and future boyfriends) have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent. And the guilty...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Dangerous and Sweet

Howdy!  If you're reading this, you for some reason wanted to know more about me!  I'm touched, truly, and therefore shall oblige. 

In a Nutshell... 

I'm Kristen.  Lazy, 31, gainfully employed, absolutely adorable, perpetually single (or, at least for the moment...).  I’m easily distracted, and rarely fooled.  At times, I'm witty.  Other times, melancholy.  Sometimes, dull.  Always special (I’ll let you decide what kind…).  

I'm a girly tomboy.  A republican hippie.  A loudmouth introvert.  A realistic dreamer.  An optimistic cynic.  Basically, I'm contradiction in every way.  

Clearly, I love music.  I have a thing for exposing the inner-workings of my warped and crowded mind through cryptic song lyrics.  I also steal from YouTube.  A lot.  You may have noticed that each of my blog posts is titled after a song. (Yep, every single one.)  

I am remarkably sensitive, and often overly critical.  I laugh more than I cry, but I cry harder than I laugh.  I overuse parentheses and ellipses, but I am otherwise a grammatical genius.  I am typing this in a font that is aptly named “Kristen”.  I am overeducated and underpaid.  I suffer from extreme ADD, coupled with an overwhelming lack of motivation.  I like to use adjectives whenever possible.  

I already know that I'm flawed, but I'm Slowly learning that I'm perfect, too. Just the way I am.  

Confused?  Don't worry.  It's all part of the magical, mythical, marvelous experience that is me.  

Behold, Respect, and Enjoy.

  • Cheese
  • Chocolate
  • Semi-colons, ellipses, and parentheses (see above...)
  • Funny words
  • Irony
  • People who read my blog
  • Even more so - people who follow my blog
  • My friends, who are my lifeline (especially Anonymous - my most loyal follower, my oldest friend, and anything but Anonymous to me)
  • Coffee
  • Trashy TV
  • Stupid movies
  • Trying to find people who give a rat's behind, and sucking them in with my brilliant rhetoric (i.e. blogging)
  • My family (sometimes) 
  • Sleep (all of the time) 
  • Long showers
  • Pop, Alternative, Classic Rock, Indie, Country, Hip-Hop, Classical
  • Paid Time Off
  • Warm sun
  • Cold sheets
  • My cat, my dog, and anything else with 4 legs and fur (minus rats)
  • Ponies
  • Jumping big fences on said ponies
  • Laughing
  • My niece and nephew
  • My cutie-pie townhouse
  • Butterflies in my stomach (the good kind)
  • Instant Messenger
  • SVU marathons
  • Receiving flowers at the office 
  • Books
  • Sushi
  • Tea of all kinds
  • 50s-inspired dresses
  • Ballet flats
  • Office supplies
  • Free stuff
  • Joy
  • Peas
  • Traffic
  • Windows Vista
  • Dieting
  • Putting away the laundry
  • Paying bills
  • Low blog readership (hint, hint) 
  • Butterflies in my stomach (the bad kind) 
  • Having to stop what I'm doing to go pee
  • Confusion
  • SPAM (email, that is. Just kinda scared of the other kind)
  • Most Rap
  • 94.2% of Reality TV (the other 5.8%, comprised of tales of baby beauty pageants and pregnant teens, is A-OK)
  • Commercials and talk on the radio
  • The cable company
  • Some of my ex-boyfriends
  • Being late for everything
  • Accounting
  • Spelling
  • Formatting stuff in Blogger
  • Student-loan payments
  • Mixed feelings
Extreme Dislikes:
  • The CPA Exam
  • Failing the CPA Exam
  • Loneliness
  • Intolerance
  • Charge Hours, and all things related
  • Cruelty
  • Selfishness
  • Stupidity (except for my own, which is rather endearing)
  • Finance charges
  • Breakups
  • Keanu Reeves
  • My LG Incite PDA (giant piece of crap!) 
  • Vanilla Sky
  • Some of my ex-boyfriends
  • The Clintons
  • Sorrow 

(BTW: Asking me to pick A favorite song, band, movie, etc., is like asking me to decide whether I love my niece or nephew more.  C'est imposible.   So, instead, in no particular order, and subject to change at any moment/with any mood swing, here are SOME of my favoriteS...)

  • Alone (Heart)
  • That Green Gentleman (Panic! at the Disco) 
  • Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding (Elton John) 
  • Foundations (Kate Nash) 
  • Lost in Emotion (Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam) 
  • Hey Ya (Outkast) 
  • The Dynamo of Volition (Jason Mraz) 
  • Smile (Lily Allen) 
  • Destrokk (MGMT) 
  • City on Down (O.A.R.) 
  • Crash & Burn (Jesse McCartney) 
(Seriously, I could go on forever and ever and ever and ever.  Just follow the blog.  You'll see more.)

  • Better Off Dead
  • (500) Days of Summer
  • Airplane! 
  • Clue
  • What's Up, Doc? 
  • Garden State 
  • Blow
  • A Walk to Remember
  • Hairspray (John Waters Version)
  • Cry Baby
  • Shag 
  • Heathers
  • Empire Records
  • O Brother, Where Art Thou? 
  • Mr. Mom
  • Almost Famous
  • The Sweetest Thing
  • Across the Universe
  • Singles
And so on, and so forth... 

TV Shows
  • The Closer
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Gilmore Girls
  • Little Miss Perfect
  • Toddlers & Tiaras
  • My Life as Liz
  • SVU
  • gLee! 
  • My So Called Life
  • Felicity
  • Scrubs (prior to this season, which has been a train-wreck) 
  • Roseanne
  • The Young and the Restless
  • The Adventures of Pete and Pete 
  • LOST
  • Keeping Up with the Kardashians
  • Teen Mom
  • O.A.R.
  • Elton John 
  • DMB
  • Panic! at the Disco
  • MGMT
  • Fleetwood Mac
  • U2
  • Lily Allen 
  • Kate Nash
  • Indigo Girls
  • Jason Mraz
  • Blues Traveler
  • The Shins
  • Meatloaf
  • Green Day
  • Rhianna 
(Apologies to those left off the list.  Far more than the aforementioned bands have earned my eternal love and devotion)

Words (Real and Fabricated) 
  • Plethora 
  • Cornucopia
  • Wherewithal
  • Frick
  • Notwithstanding 
  • Barrage 
  • Sucktastic
  • Usurp
  • Sucktabulous
  • Inadvertently
  • Haughty
  • Sagacious 
  • Pontification
  • Bajiggity
  • Supercalafragalisticexpialedocious
  • Snot on a cracker!
  • Frick on a Stick!
  • Holy Pajamas!
  • What the frick!?!
  • Ay de mi!
  • Oi vey! 
  • Hells yeah!
  • Brrrsylvania!
  • Fo' Reals!
The Lyrics 

I know that you are just like me, oversensitive.
An unordinary breed.
Taking everything for much more than it means.
Well it's dangerous, and it's sweet.
Cut us and we bleed
-Lenka, Dangerous and Sweet

I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I've laid down with love and I woke up with lies
What's it all worth only the heart can measure
It's not what's in the mirror but what's left inside
-Stevie Nicks, Sometimes It's a Bitch

I'm completely unconnected
Constantly rejected
Like everything I've ever loved is coming down
I'm drowning in emotion
In the middle of the ocean
Never knowing when it's over and I'm going down

That's how I feel
-Alexz Johnson, How I Feel

 Someday maybe sombody will love me like I need
Someday I won't have to prove 'cause somebody will see 
all my worth 
But until then I'll do just fine on my own
-The Wreckers, Cigarettes

At this point in my life
Ive done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I wont let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see it's been a hard road the road Im traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
Ive had a hard life Im just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, Im doing the best I can
- Tracy Chapman, At This Point In My Life

If you want me 
You can find me
Left of center,
Off of the strip. 
In the outskirts,
And in the fringes,
In the corner,
Out of the grip.
-Susannah Vega, Left of Center

Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine 
And that`s home you know 
With sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine 
Where the peaches grow 
And my house it`s not much to talk about 
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground 
And a little bit of chicken fried 

-Chicken Fried, Zac Brown Band
Don't tell me not to live, 
Just sit and putter, 
Life's candy and the sun's 
A ball of butter. 
Don't bring around a cloud 
To rain on my parade! 
Don't tell me not to fly-- 
I've simply got to. 
If someone takes a spill, 
It's me and not you! 
Who told you you're allowed 
To rain on my parade?! 
I'll march my band out, 
I'll beat my drum, 
And if I’m fanned out, 
Your turn at bat, sir. 
At least I didn't fake it. 
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it! 
But whether I’m the rose 
Of sheer perfection, 
Or freckle on the nose 
Of life's complexion, 
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye, 
I gotta fly once, 
I gotta try once, 
Only can die once, right, sir? 
Ooh, life is juicy, 
Juicy, and you see 
I gotta have my bite, sir! 
Get ready for me, love, 
’cause I’m a "comer," 
I simply gotta march, 
My heart's a drummer! 
Don't bring around a cloud 
To rain on my parade! 

I'm gonna live and live now, 
Get what I want--I know how, 
One roll for the whole shebang, 
One throw, that bell will go clang, 
Eye on the target--and wham-- 
One shot, one gun shot, and bam-- 
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am! 
I'll march my band out, 
I will beat my drum, 
And if I’m fanned out, 
Your turn at bat, sir, 
At least I didn't fake it. 
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it. 
Get ready for me, love, 
'cause I’m a "comer," 
I simply gotta march, 
My heart's a drummer. 
Nobody, no, nobody 
Is gonna rain on my parade!
- Babs, Don’t Rain on My Parade


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