Because ALL Songs Say So Much
(Not just the sad ones...)
DISCLAIMER:
The following ramblings are based on real-life experiences, mishaps, and downright screw-ups. Names (of past, present, and future boyfriends) have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent. And the guilty...
Once even my sister, with her impossible-to-rhyme name, got a song that said that name (Mambo No. 5, to be precise), and yet I had not, I accepted the fact that nobody would ever write a song for Kristen. Sigh. But, WAIT! As I was flipping through my MP3 player on the way home from another beach trip with Deac, I discovered a song that not only mentions my name, it IS my name!! Check it out!
PS - Missed you guys!!!
PPS -
I need your help with something. Which pattern should I get??
Can't wait to rejoin the land of the living [blogger]!!!!
Welcome to Trash Talk Tuesday! Every Tuesday, I will render my sometimes scathing opinions on a variety of pop culture phenomenon, including such media outlets as trashy television, pop music, Hollywood starlets, and political icons.
Note: The opinions expressed below DO, in fact, represent those of Musical Musings and its management and affiliates. If you do not agree, argue via comment, or start your own damn blog. (But really, don't do that. I don't need any more competition for readership...)
OPINIONS AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
This week's topic: Pregnant Teens on TV
There are only two types of reality TV that are capable of sucking me in: stories of pregnant teens, and documentaries on child beauty pageants (stay tuned for next week's installment of Trash Talk Tuesday to read my enlightened view on Toddlers & Tiaras.). I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't seem to get enough of these two genres. And, their nation-wide popularity has increased exponentially as of late, and has prompted a multitude of chat rooms, polls, and general public debates regarding their impact on society.
With respect to teen pregnancy, there are three shows that grab my attention: (1) 16 and Pregnant; (2) Teen Mom; and (3) The Secret Life of the American Teenager (I've already humiliated myself in my prior post by admitting I watch this garbage, so I will shamelessly include it in my analysis). I shall discuss each individually:
This little gem premiered last year, and followed the lives of roughly 10 teenage girls who found themselves knocked up. Subjects ranged from veritable trailer trash to stuck-up, upper-middle-class cheerleaders. All the girls decided to go through with their pregnancies, and the show followed them through being preggers, giving birth, and beyond. At times, 16 and Pregnant was difficult to watch. Some of the girls weren't your favorite people by the end of the episode (see last week's episode, for example, starring a surfer girl with no apparent interest in caring for or even knowing her child), but some really pulled at the heartstrings (for me - Maci, Catelynn, and Whitney were particularly gut-wrenching).
What they all had in common though was that life got really, really tough as the result of a careless and stupid decision to engage in unprotected sex. None of the 16 and Pregnant girls really glorified teen pregnancy, and in my humble opinion, MTV did a pretty decent job of showing just how badly Teen Mommydom can suck. I can understand why people are getting riled up about this topic being the center of so many (relatively speaking) TV shows today, but I don't necessarily think 16 and Pregnant is doing a disservice to our youth. In most cases, the girls that the show follows are extremely disillusioned at the start of their pregnancies, believing wholeheartedly they will marry their respective boyfriends and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, they're generally forced to face some seriously harsh realities as their bellies expand and their due dates loom. If I were a teen, watching some of the following crises would really make me think twice before jumping into the sack with a guy (even if I was SOOOOO in love with him, as all but one of the girls claims to be):
Maci: A smart, cute, active, and involved young lady. She gives up SO much when she gets pregnant - from drill team to high school to her family. All to have a kid with a total douche.
Whitney: Naive doesn't even begin to cover it. Sweet, innocent, spoiled, and ends up with a kid with a rare and debilitating disease.
Ebony: Her biggest dream is join the Air Force with her boyfriend. She finds out that both teen parents are not allowed to join the military at the same time, so she has to give up her dream to take care of the baby. Meanwhile, boyfriend enlists and will get stationed wherever the military sees fit (with or without Ebony and baby in tow). She didn't finish high school.
Farrah: Snotty, spoiled, selfish, and beautiful Farrah decides to go it alone and not get the baby-daddy involved in her pregnancy. In his place: psycho grandma. See: http://starcasm.net/archives/32070
Amber: I feel more sorry for Amber's boyfriend, Gary. He's a total dolt, but she treats him like crap. They're a pretty sad couple...
Teen Mom is the spinoff to 16 and Pregnant, and follows new moms Maci, Amber, Farrah, and Catelynn. The show really delves in to the trials and tribulations of the first year of motherhood. Single Farrah just wants to go out and party, but has to deal with her crazy mom's constant guilt-trips (though I think they were well deserved). Poor Maci is trying so hard, but baby-daddy Ryan is the spawn of Satan. Amber falls into postpartum depression, and goes so far as to beat up moron Gary in the midst of one of many of their fights. Basically - teen motherhood blows. And really takes a toll on high-school sweethearts. Again, not really seeing how this show would make me want to run out and have a kid at 16...
While I don't believe 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom glorify teen pregnancy/motherhood, I was surprised at just how much they both blatantly advocated adoption. Don't get me wrong - I think adoption is a fantastic option for pregnant teens. A loving family gets the kid they can't, for whatever reason, have on their own, and the teens can finish growing up before they delve into parenthood. But both shows, and Teen Mom in particular, almost made it seem like putting a child up for adoption would actually improve your life. Or at the very least, your relationship.
The show's one couple who chose adoption, Catelynn and Tyler, despite living in a trailer with their trashy parents (Catelynn's mom is married to Tyler's dad, who incidentally JUST got out of jail. It's not incestuous though - Catelynn and Tyler were together first.), are a functional, loving, and lovable pair of level-headed kids. Yes, giving up their first-born poses a tremendous struggle, but through it Catelynn and Tyler grow so close and are so sickeningly happy with one another, that the show ends with their delightfully charming engagement. Make me puke/cry. All I know is - every female viewer in the country, regardless of age or relationship status, wanted her own Tyler by the end of the season.
Daughter Carly is placed with a lovely couple in North Carolina who, although remaining somewhat anonymous (they won't tell Catelynn and Tyler their last name), keep the teenagers well-apprised of Carly's development and lifestyle. They send pictures, emails, and sentimental letters, and have agreed to allow Tyler and Catelynn to visit with Carly once or twice a year, finances permitting. In return, the couple gets to finish high school, fall head-over-heels in love, and even live together (though I wouldn't wish their families on my worst enemy). They claim they wouldn't even be together if it weren't for having gotten pregnant, and giving Carly up for adoption. That's a little disconcerting to me, in that some girls might believe that they too can be happy if they just get pregnant and give the baby away. Teen girls - don't go getting ideas that having a baby and then subsequently giving her up is going to land you the man of your dreams. Though it worked for these two, the likelihood is that the experience would tear your average teenage couple apart, and result in serious, permanent emotional scars for both...
If there are actually warped perceptions on teen pregnancy and motherhood resulting from television shows, this rubbish is the culprit - and not just because of its horrendous writing and equally terrible acting. (I know, you're wondering why I watch it. So am I, honestly. I think it must be subliminal messaging. Flash back to the episode of Saved By the Bell where Zack gets all the girls in school to fall in love with him by putting hidden messages in a "Beau Revere" tape. Yep, I went there...)
Secret Life totally glamorizes teen motherhood. No only does Amy get knocked up by the cutest guy in school, the richest, and equally adorable, kid in the class falls madly in love with her at first sight, and supports her through her pregnancy and first year of child-rearing. Her parents are frighteningly (and very unrealistically) supportive, and her friends get over the audacity of her 15 year-old self getting pregnant - at BAND CAMP for God's sake - FAR too quickly. Sure Amy has to work after school and forgo some of the fun stuff (but really...not really) to take care of baby John, but otherwise, her life is pretty damn good. And, as a result of her bad decisions, every girl in school (or at least in the show) decides sex is THE way to go. Even the bible-beating Grace, who's head of the Chastity Club (like in Glee - only without the humor or subtle irony. Or talent, for that matter...) jumps in the sack with her idiot boyfriend, and finds out she absolutely LOVES doin' the nasty.
Even though sex ultimately destroys most of the kids' already precarious and sophomoric "relationships", true consequences are few and far between. Although I'm hooked on it like John Edwards on extramarital sex, I think Secret Life is a travesty. If not for atrocious lines like "If anyone says anything to you, I'll stick a rocket in their pocket and send them to the moon", then Secret Life should be cancelled solely for the fact that Bristol Palin will guest star as herself this summer: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35539881/ns/entertainment-television/
OH. MY. GOD.
Help me, dear friends. I need a "BAD TV" intervention...
A couple of other odd things that ended up on the highway in the ATL (while I lived there, so I got stuck in these traffic jams):
Planes (yes, more than one). Prop planes love to land on GA 400. Once such incident made a 6 mile commute take 4 hours.
Brian Nicholls. Remember the courthouse shooter? Well, he fled. And carjacked several vehicles. And thereby added to the utter chaos that is Atlanta traffic.
Other police chases. They happen all the time in the ATL:
Wrong-way drivers. Apparently people in Atlanta are directionally challenged. They love to drive the wrong way down the highway. Mainly when either drunk, or being vigilantly pursued by the APD.
Paper. Doesn't sound weird, does it? Well, apparently paper is something amazing and awesome in the ATL. Driving to the farm one day, my friend Ashley and I got stuck in crazy traffic on GA 400. We were backed up for miles and miles, in total gridlock. People were driving across the median to turn around and go back home. We decided to stick it out - in part due to our warped curiosity of what could cause such congestion. As it turns out, it was paper. What looked like a couple of reams of printer paper had apparently fallen off of a truck. The rubbernecking that ensued was enough to back up the already crazy-busy highway for hours. Stupid Atlantans...
My mind is on Financial Accounting today, so I KNOW I'm forgetting some great ATL traffic stories. Share your most memorable traffic moments - from Atlanta, or anywhere else - in a comment below!!
And a SALUTE to you, Lima the Zebra!! Way to make the front page!
Those of you who know me know that I went on Weight Watchers last year, and was able to lose over 20 lbs. I dropped from a size 10, to a svelte size 4. Weight Watchers is amazing, and I'd highly recommend it.
I haven't been on it for a while though, primarily because I'm lazy and didn't stick with it through the holidays, and also because I'm on Adderall now for ADD. Adderall has the fabulous side effect of significantly decreasing your appetite. NO, this does NOT mean everyone should run out to get Adderall. I legitimately suffer from ADD, and it's helping with that. The weight loss/maintenance is just an added perk. From what I understand, though, if you don't have ADD and you take Adderall, it can be dangerous and is ineffective, so nobody get any ideas!
Anyway, back to what is probably the real reason I quit WW: LAZINESS. I have been unmotivated as of late when it comes to my fitness and health. I look pretty good, and am holding steady at my current size (still a 4), but I am PITIFULLY out of shape. I need to start exercising again, in a major way. My energy is low, I'm getting headaches all the time, and I'm less resistant to illness. I know that is due in large part to my sedentary lifestyle, and my failure to combat the extreme stress I've been under in a constructive way.
Once I get into the habit of working out, I actually start to like it, and will generally stick with it. My energy increases, I sleep better, and I feel better overall. You would think that would be motivation enough to get off my butt then, right? Nope. Despite the obvious benefits of exercise, finding the self-discipline to actually develop the habit of working out is damn near impossible (for a lazy person like me, anyway).
Fitness is all around me. My friends run marathons (Yes, marathons. I can't run down the hall. Literally.), teach classes at gyms, take and teach karate, and chase after toddlers all day. There are blogs I follow that are entirely devoted to fitness, and those blogs that aren't are still partly focused on it. So, with all of these good influences in my life, why can't I seem to catch the fitness bug? I need some help in finding my motivation and desire to get in shape again, and more importantly, to FEEL BETTER...
HELP! How do you guys get your rears in gear after a long fitness hiatus? Any tips on finding my inner fitness junkie? I could REALLY use your suggestions.
Deep Purple - Lazy
You’re lazy just stay in bed
You’re lazy just stay in bed
You don’t want no money
You don’t want no bread
If you’re drowning you don’t clutch no straw
If you’re drowning you don’t clutch no straw
You don’t want to live you don’t want to cry no more
Well my trying ain’t done no good
I said my trying ain’t done no good
You don’t make no effort no not like you should
Lazy you just stay in bed
Lazy you just stay in bed
You don’t want no money
You don’t want no bread
(Still one of the most disturbing videos of ALL TIME)
Yeah, so, I'm a newly single, and freshly bitter 30-something. I think there's a law stating that I have to publish a post bashing "Single Awareness Day" (more commonly known as Valentine's Day. I can't even THINK those words without wanting to puke).
I was excited to spend today with my adorable nephew, but he and I are both sick. Me, with a cold, and him with a stomach bug and 104 fever. With the dreaded CPA exam in just a few days, I can't risk it...
So, it's just me and the itchy kitty today. And my CPA exam study guide. And some chocolates (well, not really, since I already ate them all). Since I really do have to get to studying, I'm going to have to keep it short. So, I thought I'd share some quick stories of some of my better Valentine's Day letdowns...
1. I Picked Up A Shift guy. So, it was my first V-day with a real, long-term boyfriend, and I was SO excited about it. I really wanted the night to be special. I had made this pretty damn clear in the weeks leading up to the big day, so I didn't think there was a chance in the world my boyfriend would let me down. Um, WRONG! Last minute, as I'm primping for what I hoped would be my most romantic date yet, I get the call that the idiot has picked up a shift at work. Not that he HAD to work, but that he VOLUNTEERED to work. What an asshole! We exchanged gifts in the parking lot of his stupid restaurant while he was on his break. Swoon.
2. Lingerie guy. I'd been going out with this guy for about a month. He was very nice, and successful, and treated me pretty well. But, there wasn't all that much chemistry (read none) between us. I thought maybe this time the guy wouldn't screw it up, like last time, so I was really excited about the big night. I still lived at home at this point, and my sister was home, too. LG came to pick me up for our big night out, only to inform me that he hadn't actually gotten around to making reservations. My sister's current boyfriend was there too, thank goodness, and helped idiot LG pull something together last minute. So, with my grocery store roses and a wrapped present, we were off to dinner (albeit very late, and very rushed at this point). Dinner was fine. Not exactly what either of us wanted, but it'd do. After dinner, I got to open my mystery present. Inside - a push-up bra and black negligee. I looked at LG in bewilderment. "Well, it's been a month or so, and I kind of thought..." He kind of thought wrong. I never wore the negligee...
3. Off to a Foreign Country guy. Well, I can't get too pissy about this one. He WAS going on a mission trip, after all. But still. V-Day spent packing him up and getting him to the airport. The tulips that he had delivered to his place didn't make it in time because the driver got lost, and I had to go hang out outside his house after his plane took off, waiting for the delivery guy to actually show up. Spent the evening alone. But at least with some pretty flowers.
4. The Dumpers. Yep, there's more than 1. I've been dumped in the week or two before V-Day something like 4 times. Cheap bastards. 'Nuf said.
5. The Ex. He was already building up to a huge letdown for V-Day ("I don't 'do' Valentine's Day"). So, I would've been disappointed today even if I wasn't alone.
There are others, but I'll stop there. Needless to say, V-Day isn't my favorite national holiday. To this date, whether single or not, I have never had a good Valentine's Day experience. It's kind of like New Year's. You go into it with expectations that it'll be a fantastic night, and it turns out to be a total drag. So, I've stopped expecting anything on this day. It's just another day, but one on which I can at least ingest tons of chocolate sans guilt, and overtly hate on men. Hmm... Maybe today has some redeeming qualities after all...
So, tell me Single Ladies (and not-single ladies, and guys) -- What's your worst/funniest V-Day story? And how are you coping with "Black Sunday"?
Musical Tribute to the Big Day (Gag me.):
And because I have to:
One Last Story:
If any guys are reading at this point,
One of my favorite V-Day stories that I didn't include above:
13 years old. Valentine's Day. White jeans, red and white striped shirt. For the first time ever I get that visitor that pops in on all girls about this time in their lives. Luckily, I hadn't left for school yet. I can still hear my mom shouting, as I clamored up the stairs, "Don't stomp! You'll just make it heavier!"
So, in a moment of weakness/sadness - immediately post-breakup - I had the bright idea of joining Match.com. Sound crazy? Yeah, probably. But, I did it for two reasons: 1. I needed to remind myself that there ARE, in fact, plenty of other fish in the sea; and 2. nothing strokes a bruised ego quite like a barrage of virtual "winks" and emailed pick-up lines. My Match profile definitely served those two purposes, but two days and over 1,000 profile views into it, I remembered why I hate that site.
If you decide to online date (as many people do these days), really think about how many people you are comfortable with having the ability to view your profile. You have two privacy selections in Match, and they are either to completely hide your profile, or to completely expose it. You can block certain users, but that usually doesn't become an option until the trouble's already started.
Point in case - I was matched with a self-proclaimed "Bachelor", who was pushing 40 and had never been married. I'm not really one to talk on that point, so I figured I wouldn't judge. Yet. He seemed nice enough, at first, but one email into our interaction and he was asking for my number, and had given me his. Call me old-fashioned, but if I'm taking the online plunge, I want to take it SLOWLY. That's one of the greatest advantages of this medium of social networking. You have plenty of time to decide if the guy's a psycho BEFORE you give him (or inadvertently divulge via caller ID) any information that could indicate where you live, where you work, or what your last name might be. The first request, I didn't acknowledge. Instead of calling him, I simply wrote an email back, responding to the questions and comments in his prior email. He responded to that by telling me he hates email (um, why are you online dating then?), and would rather call me. I told him, very nicely, that while I was interested in continuing communications with him, I would rather hold off on the phone calls, and just email for a while. I was quite surprised at his reaction. Instead of indulging - no, RESPECTING - my very polite and reasonable request, he basically stated that he was not amenable to that arrangement, and I should just block my number and call him, if I were worried about my privacy and security. Well, this kind of weirded me out (Why is this guy so obsessed with getting me on the phone? And what's so darn difficult about sending a couple of emails?), and it seemed pretty frickin' pushy to me. Since I was already turned off by the whole Match process altogether at that point, I decided to take the mature and responsible route and just never respond to him again. Surely, he'd just go away.
Or not... Relentless much?? He has since emailed me four or five times (in a matter of days) - at one point going so far as to ask if I had been abducted by aliens or run off with Brad Pitt. Seriously. I know I'm not a mind-reader by any means, and I understand that guys can be particularly dense sometimes, but WHAT THE HECK? What would make this guy think that I am even remotely interested at this point, or that his behavior is even somewhat un-crazy? And further, for a guy who supposedly hates emailing, he sure has that whole electronic stalker thing down pat! I think I now know why he's a 40-year-old bachelor...
So, to celebrate all the crazies in this world, and the fact that - clearly - I am one HELLUVA catch, a lyrical and musical salute:
Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,
They're like,"Alright"What ya saying,
"Yeah can I take your digits?"
And you're like, "no not in a million years,
you're nasty. Please leave me alone."
- Lily Allen, Knock 'Em Out
Have a special stalker in your life? Click HERE for a list of the top ten stalker songs!
A Post-Script: I have since cancelled my Match subscription. I hid my profile after about three days. The very second - and I mean, INSTANTLY - I would try to un-hide it (so I could see my matches), the aforementioned Creepy McCreeperson would email, or a couple of other particularly forward guys would repeatedly message me. I guess they have no jobs and can just monitor profile activity all day?? So, I'm done. Back to relishing The Single Life for this girl.
What do you guys think?
Am I overreacting?
How would my readers out there feel about having over 1,000 people view their profiles in 2 days?
