The following ramblings are based on real-life experiences, mishaps, and downright screw-ups. Names (of past, present, and future boyfriends) have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent. And the guilty...

Monday, February 1, 2010

Ayo Technology

A PC-User's Lament:

I have about 5 more hours or so of work left today, but I thought I'd take a bloggin' break. Part of the reason my work-day will likely stretch well past the 12-hour mark lies with my STUPID COMPUTER. Something that should have taken a few hours, tops, has taken me about a week. It would appear that Excel simply cannot handle such grueling tasks as deleting text from a cell, or creating a 3-line drop-down list. Apparently, I am asking far too much from a program that is supposedly designed to produce massive, complex pivot tables and macros (I still don't fully understand what either of those are, by the way). It just can't process my seemingly unreasonable requests, and must react by "Not Responding", crashing, or otherwise crapping out and destroying my data. Wouldn't you know - the first day in ages that I'm highly motivated to get work done, and I have to actually BE PATIENT!?!? Oh Excel, why hast thou forsaken me?? Sigh...

While we're on the subject, I have some questions for my sucktabulous HP laptop, as well:

  1. Mr. HP, why can you not shut down or go into sleep mode if there's anything plugged into you? Why must you restart over and over and over again if I happen to forget to unplug my Internet cable or, God-forbid, my mouse?
  2. For that matter, why did you stop picking up the wireless signal at the office, thus forcing me to use said Internet cable in the first place?
  3. And, why can't you boot up with anything plugged into you, either??
  4. Further - are you and Microsoft Office in cahoots? Is that why, 99% of the time, at least one OfficeSuite program will "Stop Working" by 5:00 in the evening? Typically (and conveniently, I might add) just moments after missing that crucial Auto-Save, during which I might have salvaged hours of tireless effort?
  5. And damn it, Mr. HP! Why can't you find documents that are stored on your hard-drive the first time I ask for them? Seriously - my QLICI checklist is there. I swear. I promise you could find it on the first try. That is, if you actually looked...
  6. And finally...Your speakers suck.

End Rant.

Tim: I really hate my computer. If it had the capability, I would fight it...and probably lose.

Hey Julie - Fountains of Wayne (Scrubs Mix)


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