Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

Lifestyles of the Terribly Influential 

So, I just came from an awards banquet for my fabulous city.  I know some cool and important people!  Makes me feel cool and important!  A philanthropic family was honored tonight.  They've given MANY millions of dollars to many organizations, projects, and people.  Pretty crazy.  I hope I can be like that one day.    Right now, it's a challenge for me to give a hundred dollars, much less 15 mill!  I got to sit at the table with a bunch of partners from my firm.  I was the lowest man on the totem pole by a landslide.  Intimidating?  A little.  But a great opportunity nonetheless.  I almost bailed because I am frickin exhausted, but I didn't, and I'm glad.  Very neat experience.

My Cat is Allergic to Me

The itchy kitty went to his "Mimi's" (grandmother's) house for about 3 weeks while I worked and went on excursions with Deac.  While there, his itching stopped.  The SECOND he got home, he's chewing himself to bits again.  Unfortunately, I think he's allergic to the carpet.  Or, more precisely, the GALLONS of cleaning agents that were dumped in the carpet to remove the former owner's pet stains.  So, now I have to come up with $3K to replace the carpet.  God, the things I do for this animal. 

Car Shopping

I'm not sure if I've ever told you guys about my favorite pastime of calling the cable company and threatening to close my account unless they give me a fat discount.  It's something I do periodically to exercise my negotiating muscles, save some cash, and release my inner bitch.  Well, I've decided to change targets for a little while and hound car dealers.  I have a 2002 Camry and I love my car.  But, I'd like a new one.  I was going to wait until next year, but with the recent safety recall debacle, it's a Toyota buyer's market.  Always one to capitalize on a great opportunity, I decided to look around to see what's out there.  However, I refuse to pay more than $300/month for a car.  Think I can do it with no down payment except my trade in?  (Which has 113K miles.)  I'm gonna bet I can.  It's my new game.  I test drive a couple tomorrow.  I'll let you know how it goes... 

I'm Stopping Now

Because this is by far the worst Random Thoughts Thursday I've ever written.  I'm tired.  My brain hurts.  It has no original thoughts left.  Bed.  More tomorrow.  And I promise to be witty and entertaining.  

In the meantime, watch someone who actually is witty and entertaining: 

We Are the World - Wednesday

Happy Hump Day!  Since I am back to the wonderful world of blogging, you get exposed to do-gooding again!  Hooray!  

I am still getting my arse handed to me at work, but I am carving out time in my day to reach out to my wonderful readers.  I'm not, however, doing much else.  That "much else" includes working out.  As I wrote down the auto-draft for the YMCA when I balanced my checkbook, I got to thinking.  First, I thought about how I haven't seen the inside of the Y in something like 2 months, despite my good intentions.  Sigh.  Then, I immediately thought about how my pants are a little snug, as a direct result of said absence from the Y.  Double sigh.  Finally, I just thought about the Y.  It's a pretty cool organization, really.  Christian, non-profit, health conscious.  Good stuff.  But, I realized that I don't really know that much about it.  So, I did some research.  I will now use the handy dandy copy/paste function to impart my newfound wisdom upon you all. 

THE NATION’S 2,686 YMCAs respond to critical social needs by drawing on our collective strength as of one of the largest not-for-profit community service organizations in the United States.

Today’s YMCAs serve thousands of U.S. communities, uniting 21 million children and adults of all ages, races, faiths, backgrounds, abilities and income levels. Our reach and impact can be seen in the millions of lives we touch every year. Across the nation, YMCAs are committed to helping:

• Children and youth deepen positive values, their commitment to service and their motivation to learn

• Families build stronger bonds, spend time together and become more engaged with their communities

• Individuals strengthen their spiritual, mental and physical well-being

At every stage of life, YMCAs are there to help children, families and individuals reach their full potential.

Think that's cool?  Want to know more?  Read on at: http://www.ymca.net/about_the_ymca/.  There are some pretty impressive stats on there.  Including these: 

• Together, YMCAs are the nation’s largest provider of child care, with nearly 10,000 child care sites across the country that provide high-quality, affordable care to more than 500,000 children.
• YMCAs are collectively the nation’s largest providers of health and well-being programs.
• The YMCA is one of the largest volunteer organizations in the world, serving more than 45 million people in 124 countries. Learn more about YMCA World Service.
• 64 million households and 32 million children ages 14 and under live within three miles of a YMCA, while 1,518 YMCAs serve communities where the median family income is below the U.S. average.

Awesome.  It almost makes me want to get up early to hit a pilates class.  Almost.  More likely though - I'll oversleep and make it to work by the skin of my teeth.  

Hey - there's something to be said for good intentions though, right?  

Love ya! 

Trash Talk Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

---

Today's topic: 

Yep - It's BACK!  Been back for three weeks, actually.  Wow, time flies.  Feels like 5 minutes ago that I was anxiously awaiting the premiere, but missing it because I was out of town for work.  

I am a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE gLeek.  I watched the special premiere of the first episode with my sister last summer, and it was true love by the first commercial break.  The music? Incredible.  The acting?  Incredible. The comedic timing?  Incredible.  I love it so much that I already own the first half of the first season on DVD, and I've already watched it all the way through, even after seeing every single episode live the nights they aired.  Granted, it was mainly to introduce J-Non to the wonder that is high school show choir, but even still... 

Since I missed out on that initial viewing of the April 13th return (luckily I was able to catch up the next night via Fox.com's full-length episodes. J-Non did you catch that?  You can watch all of the episodes online the day after they air.  If you hurry, you can get caught up!), I read several articles on the spring premiere to gear myself up for the big [make-up] night.  I was saddened, I must admit.  A lot of them weren't so positive.

Glee is so novel, that it actually makes me a bit nervous.  Were any of you Pushing Daisies fans?  I was - and not just because I worshiped Chuck's wardrobe.  

PD was pretty, and sweet, and quirky, and just plain weird.  The acting was great, the stories fresh.  The concept - totally unique.  So, of course it was doomed from the start.  Pushing Daisies only made it through 2 seasons. 

Glee is everything that PD was.  Totally novel, and beautifully done.  And it terrifies me that it will meet the same fate. 

The problem with shows like this is that it's really hard to keep up the momentum.  Eventually, you're gonna run out of ideas.  (Point in case - my soap.  See Trash Talk from two weeks ago.)  So, unless you change your approach, you risk coming up empty.  Unfortunately, Glee already started making that change...

The first week back (April 13th's episode), I admit - I was bored.  And utterly appalled by where they took Will's character.  The second week brought us the hyped "Madonna" episode.  It was much better.  Sue Sylvester's version of Vogue?  Priceless.  

Tonight's episode featured the return of April - the druken 40-year-old glee club understudy from last season.  (Ironically, April is played by Kristin Chenoweth (LOVE HER!!!), who incidentally starred opposite of Chuck in Pushing Daisies.  Her voice is absolutely amazing.)  It was good.  Not great, but good.  

(Do yourself a favor and check out this kick-ass clip from April's first appearance last fall.  I couldn't embed it properly, so click: Last Name)

Glee's new M.O. is fill the show with musical numbers until it's busting at the seams, even if that means cutting back on actual storylines.  Now, I admit that the best part of Glee is the INCREDIBLE music, but even still - the stories are pretty awesome, too.  I was really getting into the whole Fin/Quinn/Rachel/Puck drama, and I audibly cheered when Will and Emma kissed for the first time.  I fell in love with Kirk and Artie, and laughed my ass off at Britney and Santana (one thing Glee is definitely getting right - much more of these two in the new episodes).  I hate to see the show shy away from character development in order to avoid writer's block.  Hopefully, either the last few episodes have been a fluke and Glee will hit its stride again soon, or, at the very least, the writers will take the SVU approach and just develop the characters sloooooowly.  


I'm not writing Glee off yet.  I just love it too much to do that.  So, fingers and toes crossed that it picks back up again.  Maybe next week's guest appearance by Olivia Newton John will do the trick.  Or Joss Whedon's (Hello!  Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Pure GENIUS!) direction on the May 20th episode will be Glee's saving grace.  Either way, you can bet I'll be tuning in.  I'm glued to the ride to the very end.  

Finally

It has happened to me!


Once even my sister, with her impossible-to-rhyme name, got a song that said that name (Mambo No. 5, to be precise), and yet I had not, I accepted the fact that nobody would ever write a song for Kristen.  Sigh.  But, WAIT!  As I was flipping through my MP3 player on the way home from another beach trip with Deac, I discovered a song that not only mentions my name, it IS my name!!  Check it out!

  

PS - Missed you guys!!!

PPS  - 

I need your help with something.  Which pattern should I get??

Can't wait to rejoin the land of the living [blogger]!!!!

Trash Talk Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

---

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...  Did you miss me??  Sorry if you're all in Kristen withdrawal.  Duty (aka work and the CPA exam) calls.

Today's topic: Me. 

Yep, I'm trash talking myself.  Well, not like you're thinking.  I'm trash talking the element of my psyche that makes me sabotage my efforts to succeed.

I took what should've been the last section of the beast today (CPA exam, in case you're new here).  No way I passed.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  I wasn't prepared.  There, I said it.  No blaming work.  No blaming the test, the weather, the neighbors, my stomach, my head, my cat.  Just me.  I didn't properly prepare.

Any normal person would say: "WOW - after all this time, I've finally passed the 3 hardest of the 4 parts of the worst exam in history.  And, I only have what's considered to be the easiest part leftt.  AND, I've even passed this very section before!  There's nothing that will stop me from finally getting this done!  Yay for studying!"  

But, if you've ever read this blog before, you know I am FAR from normal... 

Honestly, I think the problem might be that I don't know what I would do if I actually passed this thing, because that would mean I'm not a failure after all.  So I subconsciously do whatever it takes to screw up my chances of finally getting it done. I think this stupid mentality started in law school.  Law school encompassed the three most disheartening, frustrating, and often miserable years of my life.  I know how much I learned from the experience, and I appreciate what it must have done for my character.  But, I also know that trying SOOO hard to always be just mediocre really broke me down.  And, after a lifetime of school - two bachelor's degrees and a law degree - I am purely academically fried.  Anything resembling learning/testing causes my brain to shut down.  Concepts that should be easy for me to grasp are beyond me.  Not at work, mind you.  Just on tests.

Today, for example - I mixed up so many formulas in my head.  God only knows how off I was on all of those questions.  But, I have nobody to blame but me.  I didn't prepare enough.  I didn't study enough.  I didn't take it seriously.  I worked, watched TV, cleaned my house - anything but study.  I should've been studying every day for weeks.  Yesterday was a 13-hour work day, and I got about 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night.  So - leaving my cramming to the last minute was really stupid.  Clearly, I did not retain anything I looked at last night.

I walked out of there today confused, tired, angry, frustrated, sad - and incidentally very hungry.  But more than anything, I walked out of there disappointed in myself.  Perhaps as disappointed as I've ever been.

Alright - enough whining and negativity.  Every day is a new beginning, right?  And every failure is just an opportunity to learn.  So, I need to learn from this - for once and for all.  Not just say I'll do better next time.  No - next time I sit down at that archaic testing center computer and gear up to fly through 3 testlets of multiple choice questions, I WILL PASS DAMN IT!  No matter how many practice questions it takes.  No matter how many weekends with Deac I have to give up.  No matter how many episodes of gLee I have to miss. 

I'll get my official results in a month.  I'd say that maybe there will be a miracle and I will somehow pass, but I think I used up my quota of CPA Exam-related miracles (See Hey Ya).  So when I get my Matrix-O-Weaknesses in a few weeks, I can re-register and schedule the exam.  So, in 6 weeks, you will be reading the words of a Certified Public Accountant.  As God is my witness - I'll never go in unprepared again. 

End rant.

Days Like This

Wow, what a week.  It's been a bit of a nightmare.  And today - well, ever had one of those days where you can't get ANYTHING right?  That's today.  At least it's pretty much over.  Family drama, work, travel, emails from The Ex, stomach bug, exhaustion...


But, I've survived.


Instead of delving into all that has made this week a total bitch, I've decided to list the positives:

• My biopsy results from my procedure are normal.  Yay!
• It wasn't my external hard-drive that was fried, just its cord.  And I had an extra cord lying around.
• I got my replacement PDA, so I'm not stuck with the piece of shit LG Incite. 
• My little brother got to play varsity baseball, even though he's only a freshman. 
• Despite the fact that I mailed my taxes at the VERY last second, I had an extremely pleasant experience at the post office. 
• I made it home safely from my many hours on the road. 
• All of my coworkers made it home safely from their respective flights. 
• I've learned a lot about some cool stuff. 
• The weather is fabulous. 
• Deac is understanding. 
• My grandfather doesn't have to have surgery (part of the family drama). 
• Tax season is over. 
• I am going to the beach next weekend, come hell or high water. 
• Today is pay day. 
• I ordered my new laptop.  It'll be here next week. 
• I found the cutest wallet ever at Target. 
• The emails from The Ex didn't upset me.  Rather, they made me appreciate stress-free dating. (Thank you, Deac.)

What good stuff has happened to all of you this week?  

Trash Talk Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

---

So, it's 11:24 and I have to get up at 5:45 to leave Destination A, and haul ass to Destination B for all-day meetings.  And, I have roughly 3 hours of work left tonight.  Hmm...

Needless to say -- keeping it brief. 

Today's Topic: Look Alikes on Y&R

My soap is lame.  It's the least lame of soaps, though, to be perfectly honest.  And yes, I know that isn't saying much.  While I am totally addicted to this garbage, and will probably watch it to the grave, it does piss me off from time to time.  What has really chapped my hide as of late is the need that the producers/writers/directors have to run the same, stupid storyline/plot twist OVER AND OVER again.  The particular storyline to which I'm referring - people with the EXACT same face as someone else. 

Off the top of my head, I remember it starting with Sheila Carter.  Shelia originally looked like this: 

Meanwhile, this is Phyllis Newman: 

Phyllis is best friends with Lauren Fenmore Baldwin: 

Who just so happens to be Sheila's arch-nemesis.  

Sheila does a bunch of terrible things to Lauren, blah, blah, blah, and disappears for what everyone assumes will be forever.  Never assume people.  You just make an ass out of u and me.

Of course, Sheila comes back to Genoa City after her presumed death, only she looks like this: 

Which makes it real easy to get to Lauren, since Lauren of course thinks she's Phyllis - her BFF.  (Incidentally, it also saves the show's creators a pretty chunk of change, as now only one actor - Michelle Stafford - needs to be paid for two roles.)  Lauren eventually realizes Phyllis has a dopelganger though, and shoots the fake Phyllis/real Sheila.  In the conservatory.  With the revolver.  Sheila dies.  Maybe... 

A couple of years later, we meet Mary Jane Benson: 

A lovely PR rep who goes after Y&R flagship Jack Abbott with the jaws of life.  Is it just me, or is there something off about MJ?  Nope - it isn't just me.  She's actually Patty Williams!: 

Patty was Jack's wife a million years ago, but she went crazy and tried to kill him.  But now she's back from the psych ward to snag her man!  If she kills a few people in the process, no big!  Until her psychiatrist Emily Peterson shows up to save the day... 

Hmm... She looks familiar...  

Turns out, Patty admired the good Doc so much, she stole her face.  And when Jackie-poo falls in love with Emily and marries her, Patty busts out of the joint (or padded cell, in this case), pulls a switcharoo with dear Emily, and once again becomes Mrs. Jack Abbott.  Funny how the men on this show never seem to realize that, although the face might look the same, they're screwing an entirely different person.  I mean, does a facial reconstruction come with a full-body makeover and reshaping?  Not to mention the voices...  Even their birthmarks would have to be the same!

Tired of this game yet?  Yeah - me too.  But, apparently the writers aren't!

Patty's still on the rampage and nobody knows it.  And, I think she may have it out for Phyllis (who, incidentally is Jack's ex)...

Regardless, somebody is terrorizing Lauren now.  Remember Lauren?: 

She and Jana (love Jana!) have been kidnapped and are being held hostage by none other than Shelia's sister, Sarah Smythe: 

Confused?  Join the club.  Sick of this?  YOU BETCHA.  

Y&R - if you can't afford two actresses for two roles, then JUST KEEP IT AT ONE ROLE!  Do NOT keep duplicating faces!  Seriously.  If it were that easy, we'd all look like this: 

Or this: 

Or this: 

Wouldn't that be nice??  

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Well - now that I've visually scrambled your brains, I shall take my leave.  Have a wonderful rest of your  Trashy Tuesday.  

K$

Monday, Monday

So, here I am, chillin' at the desk in my hotel room, dining on salmon and rissotto, and watching Pretty Wild on E!.  Sounds pretty awesome, huh?  Well, sort of.  This is the good part about working all the time and travelling for work.  When the salmon - and this post - are done, it's back to work.  Gotta love dining on the road, though!

Feeling random today so, even though it isn't Thursday, thought I'd share some random thoughts.  Or, random updates, if you will.

First: The Stinky Dog 

Sadly, he has cancer. :(  But, he's doing okay for now, and that's all that we can ask for.  Please keep the prayers coming, and fingers crossed that he keeps feeling okay and is with us for as long as comfortably possible.  We love him so.

Second: Adventures at the Amusement Park

Deac gets some serious props for actually riding the monstrosity I pictured in my prior post.  Holy crap, that thing was scary.  And FRICKIN' HUGE!!!!  You couldn't pay me enough to get on that tower of twisted metal.

Here's another shot:

HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL to the nah!!!

BUT, I do want some recognition for riding anything at all.  I bravely got on the following:

  
  

Thank you very much.  Even though it was me, Deac, and a bunch of 7year olds, I still feel pretty damn good about the whole thing.   Yay me. Oh - and the only crap I ingested was half a bag of cotton candy, a chili-cheese dog, and some fries.  Not that bad, all things considered...

Oh yeah - Deac did NOT win me a prize (lame-o!), but he DID pay for me to have my age guessed by some pimple-faced 17 year old.  I knew that was a sure-fire winner, seeing as most people guess that I'm about 25.  Can't complain about that!   And, I got a super cute stuffed turtle out of the deal. :)

Third: gLee!!!!!!

It's back tomorrow!  I will likely miss it because of work, but that's why God invented DVR. :) CAN'T. WAIT.

Fourth: Sex & The City - Arabian Nights


No good can come of this: http://jezebel.com/5513261/new-sex--the-city-trailer-arabian-nights-redux

Final: Man, Kendra got FAT


As I am wrapping up, an episode of Kendra is on (Pretty Wild having ended at the top of the hour).  It's the episode where she goes to the Super Bowl, and incidentally does this photo shoot:

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllll Shit.  There is an astronomical amount of airbrushing in that pic.  Actually, i think there's just a flat-out body-double (at least from just below the boobs down).  She was a CHUNK in this photo shoot.  Did NOT look like this.  Not even close.

This is more like it (and incidentally was taken on March 28):

And there is NOTHING wrong with that.  She had a HUGE baby in December.  But, there is something wrong with that OK! shoot.  I mean, they're presenting her as a diet guru - getting her body back at warp speed.  That's just a lie.  Let her be fat and happy - who cares?  She still looks great.  And her kid is CUTE.  That's all that matters!

Alright, I'm working now.  I hope you've enjoyed this Monday installment of Random Thoughts Thursday!

Randomly yours,

Kristen

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts (A Little Late...)

Let's all pretend it's still Thursday, shall we?

Chock Full 'O Chocolate 

Made it to the Soiree last night (albeit after getting lost and arriving more than a little late...), and had a great time!  There was a silent and a live auction, which served to make me wish (more than I already do) that I was rich.  It's crazy to watch people haphazardly throw down thousands of dollars like it's nothing.  Shit - I can barely pay my power bill!  But, I did get caught up in the "fever" and raise that temptress of a bidding card in order to sponsor a family of four, so they can go to the Museum any time they want for a year.  A hundred dollars well spent, I guess... 

There was a great turnout and I think the Museum raised a lot of money.  It was fun!  I can't wait for the First "Birthday" Party they are throwing this summer.  More black tie goodness with the Children's Museum of the Upstate!  

My eyes itch, my throat hurts, and my car is yellow.  Damn you pollen! 

'Nuf said.

Bye, Bye Betty   

So, I've been watching Ugly Betty since it started several years ago (I'm too lazy to look up just how many).  Sadly, it is going off the air next week.  :(  I will miss it!  Mainly because Mark and Amanda are SO funny.  A special salute goes out to Mark, as he went with the Duckie Dale look for Hilda's wedding.  It was subtle - but awesome.  I wonder how many people caught that... 

   <--- Mark 

Duckie ---> 

"May I admire you?"

Silly Government!  Timeliness is for competent people!

So I've alluded to the fact that I deal with Federal tax credits.  Well, the government announced yesterday that the credit I work with most has been released, and applications for allocations of those credits are due JUNE 2.  That's six weeks from now, folks.  Normally, you get 3-4 months.  They take roughly 350 hours to complete.  We may prep as many as 10 of them.  There are about five people prepping.  You do the math. 

If I'm not around that much in the coming weeks, you know why... 

Playlist Du Jour

I get 10 free song credits per month with my Zune pass.  Here's what I'm buying with them this month (so far): 

1. Breakeven - The Script
2. Ultraviolet - Luke McMaster 
3. Foundations - Kate Nash
4. Golden Skans - Klaxons 
5. Lost Coastlines - Okkervil River
6. Captain America - moe. 
7. Float On - Modest Mouse 

I need three more.  Any suggestions?? 

HELL no!  I won't go! 

As aforementioned, my life is going to suck for about six weeks - from yesterday on.  So, I can't make it to see Deac this weekend.  Because he's the generous sort, he's en route to visit me instead, so that I might also get some work done while we hang out.  But, this thoughtful compromise comes at a price.  I have to accompany Deac to the local amusement park tomorrow.  

Something you should know about me - I HATE ROLLER COASTERS.  I am NOT a thrill seeker, by any means.  It's dangerous enough that I live in my own body!  I'm surprised I'm still standing with the way I drive.   And walk, for that matter...  I will jump a crazy horse over a 4-foot fence, but that's as far as my risk-taking goes.  

Yet, I agreed.

Amusement parks have some redeeming qualities, however.  Funnel cakes, for example.  And Dippin' Dots.  And Cotton Candy.  So, while Deac is riding this: 

I will look like this: 

(Thanks to Hyperbole and a Half - from whom I stole this image)

And I told Deac he has to win me some lame carnival prize on a game of some sort.  I'll report back on his success (or failure)... 

Alright - off to the rest of the day.  Hope you're all FABU!  

Love and Rockets!  (I really hope they bring back My Life as Liz, btw...) 

K

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A sampling from the playlist.  Enjoy!! 

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PS - Welcome new followers, and thanks for following! And commenting! You guys are awesome! :)

We Are the World - Wednesday

Time for a shot of philanthropy!!!  

This week's do-gooder is none other than my old pal, Tim!!!  You've read his Facebook statuses and laughed your ass off.  Now it's time to get to know his heroic side! 

Why am I featuring Tim, you ask?  Well, because he ROCKS!  And, he's decided to become a FEARLESS firefighter!!  What a job, folks.  I don't know how he does it.  But, I guess he's no stranger to heroism - Tim used to be a frickin' Marine, for goodness sake!  Saving lives is second nature!  

I asked Tim send me an email answering a couple of quick questions.  Here are his responses: 

Q: Why did you want to become a firefighter?

A: I wanted to be a firefighter because it's a pretty sweet job. You get to help people and you only work every third day.

Q: What was the "interview" like?  (If you call it that...)

A: The interview process sucked. It consisted of 8 steps, including a polygraph, a psychological interview, both written and oral, interviews by a couple of firefighters just to make sure they would want to be stationed with you...it's a long freacking process.

Q: How's training going?  (Tim's in the middle of the training process.  From the sounds of it, it's grueling.  His FB status yesterday: "I just had the toughest day of my life...so far...")

A: I have a blister the size of a quarter on each heel.  Training sucks. They try to intimidate you through yelling and playing mind games, but I have been through that before being in the marine corps, so I think it's actually kind of funny. They think they are going to break me but it's not going to happen.

Q: When are you done with training? 

A: Mid-July I think. Can't wait!!! But then starts the 16 weeks of EMT school   But when that's over, I'll be a firefighter/EMT.

Q: Are you regretting your decision? 

A:  Not at all, just looking forward to training being over. That's all.

Q: What are you looking forward to most about being a firefighter? 

A: Fighting fires.

Me: HA!

So, there you have it.  Inspiring words from a man who knows how to save lives.  Good stuff.  Let's all cross our fingers and say a little prayer for Tim - that he gets through training and can get to work!  

In the meantime, Tim - WE SALUTE YOU!!! 

Have Fun, Go Mad - The Champion

Called that one.  Sorry Cake, but people love them some cheesecake Wait - hold on... Cake is IN THE NAME.  Why is this a pie???

Hmm...

Trash Talk Tuesday

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OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Today’s Topic:

TAXES

What is there really to say about taxes?  Other than they SUCK ASS, that is…  Well, that and the fact that they are preempting this week’s Trash Talk witticisms.  I desperately need my refund, and we’re coming up quickly on the 4/15 deadline, so my allotted blogging time today must go towards the preparation of my Form 1040.  Joy. 

So, in the ULTIMATE cop-out, I am presenting you with a special treat!  Below you will find the funniest tax-themed sitcom episode EVER.  Enjoy! 


(I do encourage you to watch – you WILL NOT be disappointed.  I guarantee it.)

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April Fool’s Day – Part 1

April Fool’s Day – Part 2

April Fool’s Day – Part 3

Have Fun, Go Mad - Finals Edition

Bracket...BUSTED.

First off - no, I didn't die of starvation.  (I survived my fast and indulged myself with a Chick-Fil-A milkshake, and a plethora of other junk afterwards.  Yum!)  I just decided to take the weekend off from all things computer in order to sleep - a lot - and celebrate Easter with the fam.  And today, I had to make up for days of not working.  (I'm actually quite proud - a good 12 hours of focused work.  Go me!)


Next - Some words on the real March Madness:


Booo!!!!!!  I so wanted Butler to win.  I love a good underdog story! (And I hate Duke)  But, alas, the Devils pulled it out.  Apparently in a nail-biter.  I was working and missed the game, myself.  Eh, no big loss (except for Butler, that is...)


Now, for the BEST March Madness - CAKE v. PIE!!


Remember that I'm stalking this fierce competition diligently.  You may also remember that my picks for the Elite Eight included the following:

1. Birthday (already chosen)
2. Apple (already chosen)
3. German Chocolate
4. Red Velvet
5. Carrot
6. Boston Creme
7. Blueberry
8. French Silk  

Well folks, THIS is why I don't gamble: 

Only 2 out of my 6 original Elite Eight picks.  Sorry stuff.  I'm shocked to see both of these contenders in the finals, too.  I would think Apple Pie would've made it - if for no other reason than most people are horribly predictable.  But, it looks like Cheesecake v. Red Velvet.  My money's on Cheesecake - even if my fork would be in the Red Velvet...

Jezebel closes voting for the finals at 2:00 pm EST tomorrow (Tuesday).  Be sure to jet on over there and cast your votes.

Alright, I'm tired (and lame, I know).  Off to bed for me.  I'm SO behind on all of your blogs.  I promise to catch up ASAP.  I've missed you all!  

Sweet dreams of Pie and Cake. 

<3 K

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Oh yeah - for the Blue Devils: 

  

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

Ta Da!!!  It's time again for RANDOM THOUGHTS!!!  YAY!!!!!!!  I know you're as excited as I am!! 

 

STARVING

Everyone knows that nothing makes you want to do something like being told you can't.  Eating?  No exception. I'm on a fast for a medical procedure tomorrow.  Haven't been able to eat since midnight.  Still have 20 hours to go.  I'm about to keel over.  

There have been plenty of days when I have plain forgotten to eat.  Didn’t feel like this!  Just being told that I can’t have food has made it the central focus of ALL of my thoughts.  I. WANT. FOOD.  So much food.  Hamburgers and fries and shakes and sushi and pizza and ice cream and marshmallows and pop tarts… Anything.  This fruit pie staring at me right now?  I’d eat its cardboard box at this point.  However will I make it to noon tomorrow??  Sigh…

The Bitch is Back

Yes, only the BITCH from the CPA Exam Board could turn the most amazing news into a total pain in my ass.  No congratulations whatsoever for passing Financial.  Rather, I get a curt email informing me that the Board has approved my request for additional time on the remaining section (yay!), followed VERY quickly by another email saying SYKE! – they won’t give me more time without more information (BOO!).  I told her to forget the whole damn thing and give me my Notice to Schedule for the final section.  And, I also indicated that I would NOT be okay with her keeping the $300 she already charged to my credit card to reschedule the section I passed.  I know for a fact she is going to say I shouldn’t have jumped the gun and assumed I would need to retake it, and that she has every right to keep that money.  Not like they don’t already have enough of my money – seeing as I’ve sunk approximately $5,000 into testing fees. 

Normally I reserve my animosity and harassing tendencies for the cable company.  But, I think my focus should shift to the Bitch for a while.  As soon as I pass the last section, I think I will make a hobby of ruining her life, much like she’s ruined mine.  Won’t that be fun?

Want to eat my own arm right now…

The Soap

My name is Kristen, and I’m a Y&R addict.

I admit, I have a problem.  I’ve invested roughly 31 years in the CBS daytime drama, the Young and the Restless.  LITERALLY watching since birth.  And I ask myself -EVERY DAY – why?  This show is insane, and I’m embarrassed that it’s an integral part of my daily life.  All shame aside - a couple of quick requests to the writers/producers:

1. PLEASE go ahead and reveal that “Mama Bear” is Sheila.  And, from the sounds of it, she now has Lauren’s face.  We all know where this lame and overdone storyline is going.  Let’s get this over with…
2. Get rid of Ashley.  Eileen Davidson is NOT a good actress.  She’s proven this in recent weeks.  Get a new one!
3. Billy and Victoria – Thank goodness they finally did it and got it over with.  Now, let’s get those two together for real.  Finally – a couple with chemistry!
4. Lily really needs some better wigs.
5. PLEASE tell Jack that Summer is his.  This is ridiculous.

 

I hope that old lady is okay

When I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my “prep kit” for my procedure tomorrow, a little old lady fell in the parking lot.  I, of course, (being a human being and all – and not Satan) ran to her assistance.  She swore she was okay, but I’m not sure.  She was pretty shaky.  I remember when that sort of thing used to happen to my Granny.  Scares the crap out of me.  I sure hope she’s okay.  Say a little prayer for her…

SOOOOOOOO Hungry….

Hot in the City

So, we all know I’m pretty psyched for spring.  However, I do find it odd that the high today is 85, and tomorrow, it’s 88.  It’s April.  I sure hope this isn’t a sign that our summer will be as dramatic as the winter was…

Bitchy Update

As I’ve been writing this, I heard back from the Bitch on my two [rather forceful] requests.  Yes, she will go ahead and send my Notice to Schedule.  And YES – she will refund the fees.  THANK GOODNESS.  I really didn’t want to have to wait for her in a dark alley with a baseball bat…

Chicken!  Grab hold of that table floating by and drift to safety!

Chicken is under water in Rhode Island!  Oh no!  Our horrible storms from last weekend made their way up to the northeast.  Chicken – I hope there’s no damage!  And, keep the frogs as pets.  They’re so cute!  And you know littleb would love that!   

Alright crazy kids – I’m off to starve some more, and do a little work for a while.  Cross your fingers that I survive this miserable procedure.  And that I can remember there are people who are actually starving in this world, and I am a gigantic spoiled bratty baby. 

Holla!  (Still sounds weird coming from me…)