Trash Talk - Tuesday

OPINIONS AHEAD. 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

So, in the expanse of time between my last, dismal post and this moment (or, yesterday), when I rejoined the blogging race, I have become mildly (read frighteningly) addicted to all things FLDS.  For those of you who don’t know, that’s the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

NOTE: I am NOT talking about the mainstream LDS, which is a church composed of wonderful people and some of my dearest friends.  No, the FLDS is that crazy polygamist cult that got raided a few years ago.  Remember?   

Its prophet is currently in jail serving terms for rape, accomplice to rape, tax evasion, fraud, etc. It’s a real peach of a “church”.

(Warren Jeffs with a 12-year-old bride)

I’m not entirely sure what draws me to this alternate universe, but I am absolutely fascinated by all things polygamous.  Point in case, my obsession has manifested in: 

1.      Watching all five seasons of Big Love in the course of two months – going so far as to add HBO to my Direct TV package so I could watch the last season real-time (FANTASTIC show – highly recommend);

2.       

      Reading the following memoirs:

a.       Lost Boy

b.      Escape

c.       Triumph

d.      Cult Insanity

e.      Stolen Innocence

3.       DVR-ing “Banished: The Lost Boys of Polygamy” and “Inside Polygamy: Life in Bountiful”;

4.       And, of course, catching every episode ever of:

        And that brings us to this week's Trash Talk Topic: 

The Brown Family

(Disclaimer: The Browns are NOT part of the FLDS cult.  They call themselves Polygamous Mormons, or Fundamentalist Mormons.  They wear normal clothes, the kids go to public schools, they watch (and star on) TV, etc.  They are NOT a cult, and the following trash-talk is NOT bashing their religion or lifestyle, but rather their patriarch – and solely because he’s so cheesy, you can’t watch him without crackers.)

For the most part, I kinda dig the Brown Family.  The kids are endearing, the wives are pretty cool (except maybe Janelle – she’s a little odd and gruff), but my question for you, dear readers, is WHAT is the appeal of KODY BROWN?  How in the world has this man managed to snag not one, not two, but FOUR wives?? 

I mean, there’s the hair:

The CHEESEBALL smile (and, again, the hair):

The RIDICULOUSLY impractical Lexus 2-seater convertible when he has SIXTEEN children and his wives are driving Suburbans that break down on the side of the road, thus stranding said SIXTEEN children:

The age-inappropriate wardrobe symbolizing failed efforts at “cool” (check out the jeans):

The selfish decision to “go public” and subject his family of 21 to this:

Police Investigating Sister Wives Stars for Felony Bigamy

BY MIKE FLEEMAN

Update Tuesday September 28, 2010 08:00 AM EDTOriginally posted Monday September 27, 2010 10:00 PM EDT

And then, of course, there’s still the hair:

Now, I know I am both supporting and perpetuating this frighteningly bizarre phenomenon by religiously (no pun intended – har har) tuning in to TLC every Sunday night at 9:00 pm EST.  But, what can I say?  This show is a fascinating train-wreck from which I cannot avert my eyes.  Check it out this weekend, or try to find some episodes online somewhere.  And if you’re looking for enough satire, sarcasm, parody, and trash-talk out there to entertain you for days, try Google-ing Kody Brown.  Trust me, you won’t be sorry.